Things not to say:

1. You remind me of my mum.
2. I'm sure I saw you washed up on a beach somewhere.
3. Is that stubble on your chin ?
4. Are you on prosac ?
5. I can't get that scene from crocodile dundee out of my head. Can I check to make sure you really don't have a willy, please ?

Fred West was misunderstood.

Sorry I'm late, this old bloke stopped me.

As he bounced off the bonnet of my car.

(for a man, dating a woman) Can I just make sure you haven't got a willy ?

i like it doggystyle best

do you like housework?

You look like the girl in that porno last night. And she was a bit of a goer.

So, later, so I know, cum on your face or up your ass?

Crass I know, but it is something you definitely wouldn't say.

Your sisters fit!

i heard a great ad on the radio today it went something like this.

Man: I usally don't go on blind dates, but i think this is going really well.

Woman: Yes it is.

Man: Do you know if there is a chemist nearby?

Woman: Not sure...why?

Man: Well i think i might need a packet of you know what for later thie evening.

at this point she walks out....


Man: No i mean....goodbye then.


it was an ad for nicorete

OK, drop 'em and bend over.

Let me introduce you to my little friend... Wait, where are you going? It was supposed to be a humerous quote from scarface! Its not little! Honest!