OK what am I doing wrong this time?

Took a look a several sites, even played around with the free part of eharmony (scary stuff) on someones recomondation (a yank of course). Found Flirtbox and thought, this'll do for a proper go at things to start with.

I register here, fill in a profile, slap up a photo, take a look around, read profiles and obviously message a few who look interesting.....fine!
Is that what we're here to do?

Certainly I'm here for that, looking for someone.

So of all the messages I send, only three have gotten replies, and guess what, everyone of them is a foreigner, far away. Not one English lass replies, so what the ____ am I getting wrong here?

Is it merely my mangling of foriegn languages that gets a reply at all?

Everybody has the same problem mate. Most of these women are looking for a Brad Pitt lookalike knight in shining armour.

(Although those around the forums tend to be the exception)

A reply thats says "go away" is at least something, and one I'd respect, but I don't even get that.

Frankly it all smacks of cowardice and a humungous lack of confidence. But then that struck me the moment I realised its still upto me to start any conversation with them online.

So as of now, I'm getting conversation from a German and a very fine Italian woman. Lombardy is rather far to go I note, but not so far as to be offputting.

imaste phil ce senior

<runs in with a fire extinguisher to put out the flames>

What flames, where? *looks around scared*
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I don't say I'm hansom, I would'nt say I'm ugly.
Cautious about what I show online....you bet.

Thing about dogs is childhood, if its a small dog, and friendly, thats OK.

Thing about Horsey types, just would'nt work.

Not exactly enamoured of fitness freaks, lifes too short to be that bored, but I try to keep active when not debating online.

Thing about uber-woman (conquore the world ultra organised, I only date men who earn 50,000 or more) needs no explanaition.

I mean, what are you supposed to say in a first message, its going to be hi of some sort and profiles rather leave me with little clue as to what to say or ask.

I don't approach women beyond a certain range of ages around my own, save for the odd exception and thats just being friendly when it is.
I look at whatever is here mind, but thats no crime and the random button has much to answer for.

This what you should say in a message has been discussed and over discussed... You have to realise that some people don't come on anymore, or that some won't bother to answer you... I can't be bothered to find the links to the manners topic or to the short messages and such ones... Look around.

Thing is, from my point of view... If you don't have a picture on your profile then your profile would better be full of other information... If you ask me (yea, I know, I'm far too modest), I always went for a guy showing he's got a huge sense of humour and is quite smart on his profile, even if they didn't have a pic. As for the pic, if you decide to put one on... Then it should probably be your best pic... I'm not saying that you should try to show yourself as great and trick everyone cause you're actually not, but seriously... If one decides to put up a pic it should really be their best pic mostly because... After you get to chat to someone, if they really speak to you, I think their outer image starts to fade a bit and you get more interested in the inner one. I don't know, that might be just in my case.

Oh and as I'm on the subject... I must say I hate guys who put up pics with them and their (ex)girlfriends or mates and erase the rest of the people in the pic's faces. I mean... Just cut the bloody pic so it only shows you if you so don't want people to see your mates. It's hard for me to think people can't take a good pic of themselves these days.

Oh and one other thing... As I have failed to answer your actual question... What should you say in a message (sorry you guys, I know this has been said over and over)... I find "Hi, I've checked out yer profile and think you're cool... Check out mine and reply if you like what ya see/read" to be an ok message. But if someone is interested in you, a simple "hi" would do too. Because, as they say in books, if it's there, it's there anyway... If it's not... It's not.
However, if you think your profile doesn't have much information, or a pic, your first message should probably be one giving more information about you and pretty powerful so that the other person wants to see behind the message.

I'm just blabbin again, don't mind me.
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...and the next release of this novel will be in the hardback version

I would love just for once one of these elusive non-replying ladies to come on the forums and say why she don't reply...then we'd all get some sleep at night...it confounds me. It's been said that the pm openers like "fancy a shag?", "My msn/mobile number is...." or whatever other twonkish style you can imagine, ok so they dont get replies much.....but the thing that puzzles me is this. The blokes on here that complain of this very problem, they don't seem to be in the twonk genre when it comes to pm-ing people who caught their eye....so it would be lovely for a recipient of a pm from a very nice, pleasant chap with or without a nice pleasant photo saying nice, pleasant things........hey girl! why did you ignore him? huh? huh? huh?

PS I just want to say.....some blokes are like that too....to the point where they even get into convo over several weeks, ASK to meet up...then suddenly treat you like you are invisible (even on the forums)...but heck, it goes without saying that we all have issues in one form or another....some people just dump it on them around them ---- ARE the people who dont reply lacking confidence? How hard is it to write a reply to a total stranger? Is it more about feeling smug and in control? "I've got all these men grovelling to me, and I have the upper hand by ignoring them and leaving them wondering whats wrong" ?? Or is that too deep?
C'mon gals, post here and tell us why you don't respond the nice guys - its killing me all this suspense!!

Ya really wanna hear what a biatch I am? I am going to reveal my superficiality to y'all now to get it over with.

I take one look at the photo (if there is a photo, if not, of course I'll want to see what he's got to say, or the info on his profile, as my profile states) and if I don't like it (that doesn't mean the guy's not cute, just means I don't see myself with him) I don't answer, cause I don't see the point, sometimes I don't even open the message. There. I'm waiting for the mud to be thrown now.
However... If I don't like the pic, but the guy keeps on writing me, I'm probably going to want to see what he's gotta say. If it's a really good message, I usually get to know him a bit better.
What else? If I like a guy's pic a bit then I wanna see what he's got to say too. If it's good, I'll get over the bit and see what's he like.

If the guy is my type (again, I'm not talking bout Brad Pitt here, as Baggie might think, lol, just about men who appeal to me) then, for starters, he can pretty much say anythin', coz I'll answer anyway. But if his head is empty after I answer, or if his first message is one sayin "wanna shag" that ends right there.

Superficial I am? I think so... But if someone's actually worth it, you just know it.

Satisfied? I'm still waitin' for the mud to be thrown.

p.s. Thing is... I'm superficial only on dating sites... In real life I really am nawt. Actually some of the strongest feelings I've had were for people I could never see myself with. And that brought nothing but sorrow. Talk about weird.
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/* flings a dollop of mud */



I don't care whether women answer my messages or not, and I don't understand why other people get so worked up about it on the forum. For f**ks sake, it's only a dating site, its not like I have a winning lottery ticket and can't find it 2 days before the deadline.

Wanna know why people don't answer messages? Easy. They're not interested. Period. There could be 20 pages of answers to this question in this thread, but the reality is nothing that gets said here is going to change anything - people don't answer because they don't want to, and the majority of them probably never even look at the forum, so there's not much point in mentioning it here except to generate a bit of forum discussion (although this topic has been worn to shreds over the past few months anyway)