I have been in love with my best girl friend ever since the day we met. That was four and a half years ago while at uni. To me it was love at first sight and my feelings have not changed toward her. Everyone said we were great together - always hugging, cuddling, inseparable. But she always had boyfriends and me I always have stayed single in hope that one day she may see me as I see her. I am her confidante and comfort her whenever she is in need.
We are very good friends but lost touch when I left uni.
Recently, we met up after 3 years and she dropped the bomb that she had split from her boyfriend after 4 years.
I don't know what to think, but the hope is rekindled and the question going through my head is why she chose such a time to see me and tell me this fact.
Should I tell her how I feel? Bearing in mind I don't fear rejection from her as our friendship is very strong.

G

If you don't think you have anything to lose, then I don't see why not. But what if you do try and it becomes awkward between you if it doesn't work out? Is it worth risking the friendship?

It's your call, just think from all angles before acting upon it.
_________________
Vidi Vici Veni

I got in touch with my feminine side. She emailed me back saying if I ever contacted her again she'd call the police.

I like one proverb that says it's better to regret about the things that are done than about undone... Thus if circumstances bring you such opportunity then why don't try it?.. And even with either issue of your attempt you'll be hopefully free from your hesitations and desire which pulls you to your past... But anyway it's your decision, I wish you choose the best!

She doesn't feel the same way, but at least now I can move on. Unrequited love is so hard but I am prepared to bear the cross of falling out of love with her. Thing is I will always love her and be there for her. Never say never, but the chance if us ever being together could take forever.

It will take a while for me to get over it, but I have closure and the burden I have bore for 4+ years has been lifted. I hope I haven't scared off completely, but I will give her time and space to heal from such a shock.

Just been in a similar situation recently myself, so can agree with you that it's difficult to take at first, but is also a burden lifted from you when you do finally know the true situation. On the brighter side of things, your post will probably catch quite a few women's attention on here, I dare say! All the best

I'm glad to know that you've taken your attempt... But dont't swear you'd always keep in mind hope to be with her... The things will change for you when someday you throw your attention on another girl... and you will remember this occasion just as one of experiences from your life, nothing more... I might sound rough atm, but it will take place regardless to your resistance to what I've said before Best wishes! and cheers!

Thank you both for your kind words. I will heal in time, but for now I need to surround myself with those who love me and socialise as much as is possible to avoid solitude and pondering over her.

domld88 I agree all of yesterday was so hard, but coming on here to share my ordeal, not only lifts it off my chest but I can get advice from others who are in a similar boat. Today, I feel I have a new lease of life, yet my heaert feels a little heavy, but it will return to its former self. They may not be interested in a guy whose heart belongs to someone else - bit of a turn off, but now I have set her free and can start living with a fresh and positive future - no more looking back!

adelanteris2 in heinsight you are definitely correct, but it is hard to admit complete defeat right now. I will heal, but I know she needs a lot of time to heal, because it was out of the blue even though we had been talking about things related to my feelings. Her having no clue at all after all this time, would have been a major shock to deal with.

She may think otherwise about staying friends because she doesn't want to see me hurt, but I will get over it. I can move on now with knowing it may never happen and find someone who does want me and lavish them with all the gifts they deserve.

Gregus86...

you sound to me like a genuine man. Love is one of those puzzling elements in life which we all struggle with. We all seem to attempt to fathem it out and in many occasions we come out with some strange answers and even questions which are sometimes unsolved and unanswered.

Friendship is a valued commodity in life which should be cherished. If you love her, you should tell her that you love her. be honest with her and tell her how you feel. honesty is the best bet. that is all you can do. don't skate around it, have confidence and faith in yourself and tell her you love her. It is up to her how she responds. she may respond in a positive way to you and with that there is a very high chance that you and your girlfriend will achieve a happy life.

I have confidence in you and wish you good luck.

take care.

lew

Hey Lew,

Thank you for the vote of confidence. I did tell her everything; from how I feel and always have to even what she was wearing, where and when we first met.

I have told her and now we are still friends but communication has gone down again between us - she is preoccupied with work at the moment, but I also realise she may need some space to get over such a shock.

But I am sure I will not let 3 years go by before I see her again - that will never be the case ever again. I have kind of moved on in the sense - I am going out with my mates a lot more than usual and preoccupying myself with good company and activities.

I think I was blinded by the fact that she had only recently broken up and wanted to see me so soon after it happened and after so long since we last met. My brain was working over time on the topic I think.

She came back into my life when nothing was really going for me, but after first contact a few weeks ago - I have a job interview and a positive mental attitude. She is my so called Mrs. Motivator.

Hope my woe can spur and help others to make the right decision in a similar situation.

Thanks for all your support

Greg x

hey


guys i am going though this sitution right now ,
ive alway been there for her and protected her when ever shes needed it , but I am allways the one over looked. but i fear saying something or hinting would reck the friendship we share and as she one of few friends i am close with i am tied between chioces.
i am meeting her saterday and allways get nervous

any ideas on wat to do ?


lindon

Hey Lindon,

Well I must say after a week since I told her, things have been a little awkward between us. It feels like she is trying to push me away, which is a little out of character for her.
I would advise you as others have advised me. If you feel that not telling is eating away at you, tell her. That is only if you truly believe your friendship will withstand such a proclamation.
Its always better to know than to regret never knowing.
Good luck Lindon,
Hope all went well for you

Greg

Hey Greg, i don't think i could go that long without saying something. Maybe she had the same feelings for you.... once, but with you refraining from telling her how you felt, she moved on.
You sound, from what you have said, quite young. In a few yeas ...... or maybe today, you'll find someone that takes your breat away and you'll never think of this particular girl again!
I commend you for telling her your thoughts, maybe a bit late, but at least you told her. Good on you mate

ask her man what ys waiting lifes no dress rehearsal we got 1 shot at this life man so ask her .

If I could butt in for a mo...

You NEVER forget.

I have never ever forgotten those that I have loved and I never will. There are times when I smell a certain perfume, hear a certain song or am in an area and the memories come flooding back. I treasure those memories and would never be prepared to sour them with negative thoughts.

I can't say that I have ever been in a situation as described here but I would strongly recommend that instead of forgetting about things and moving on you instead relish the fact that you have had such and experience without the added complications of a sour ending relationship or massive fall-outs and hatred towards each other. What you had and will continue to have in time is extremely precious and can only be seen in a positive light.

Why not write her a letter detailing your confusion and also making clear that although you will always love her you would be far far happier to love her as a friend than you ever would be to loose her simply down to her not having the same 'relationship' feelings towards you.

It's all a little strange but now that you have made your feelings known she could, in time, develop those feelings for you as long as you continue to show her the same devotion and caring as always, even in the face of rejection. She will appreciate you valuing her to such an extent that your own desires are put after hers.

She will feel as awkward, if not more so, as you do at the moment and is most likely feeling terrible for having to let you down. She will also no doubt still be hurting from her previous relationship breakdown and may also be suffering from stress at work. There are a million things that could be affecting her at the moment and returning to your initial purpose (sorry to sound clinical!) of being a friend and shoulder to cry on would be of far greater benefit to her just now. It's how to convey all of this that will of course be difficult as she may now question why you are doing these things for her...... Honesty is the key.

Peace.

Sorry I haven't fully read all the replies from the first post fully, but I'd say the if the pain of not telling her how you feel is greater than the pain of continuing to be just friends, something would need to done about it.