The term ‘messed about’ seems to crop up quite frequently on the forums (usually in the Dating, love and Love & Relationships forums, often accompanied by bitterness or recriminations). After a bit of thought (i.e. I had a nap this afternoon and when I woke up, I wondered…….) I decided that I didn’t actually know what people meant when they said ‘I’ve been messed about’.

Obviously, in many cases, we’re only hearing one side of the story too, sometimes perhaps a rather biased side of the story.

I think the most common ‘messed about’ story line on these forums seems to be where 2 people chat (online and phone), meet a couple times, and then one decides that the other person isn’t right for them, and then the rejected person feels they have been messed about. Maybe it’s a man thing - I just don’t get how that is being ‘messed around’, to me that is just one person telling another that after getting to know them a bit better, they don’t want to waste any more time on something that isn’t right for them.

Or not?

To me, being messed about is arranging a date, and the other person doesn’t turn up (or even make a phone call to say they aren’t coming).

I would love to know what others feel constitutes ‘being messed about’

Ive had situations where i have been getting to know people like you say, online or on the phone everyday and then suddenly they stop contacting you and replying for like a week or more. you wonder to yourself, are they alright, have they hurt themselves or something (or i do anyway) only to find out they say they were too busy to respond. i appreciate we all get busy in life but it takes 20 seconds or so to send a text saying so??

Also, when you get to know somebody who you know likes you as much as you like them (or so you think) and they just never initiate contact and your left feeling like your doing all the running around, it doesn't exactly make you feel wanted! that feels like being messed about to me.

thats how i see being messed about, so far. I agree with what Stu said, getting to know someone only to find they arnt what you want, isnt messing somebody about, its only when you fail to let that person know that you feel that way that it becomes messing about

ha ha I look forward to being 'messed about'

AnnMarie think you have a point honesty is the key, no one wants to be messed around really but there are so many people happy to mess others around.

Depending on the level the relationship has reached before the 'messed about' takes place, one might also consider the 3 - 6 month itch has played a part in someones decision to walk the plank - http://www.flirtbox.net/love_and_relationships/the-3-6-month-itch.html

I'll tell you what really pisses me off. It's when you've been chatting to someone for a while, and you then arrange the all important first date, and you're looking foward to it... and then at the last minute they BOTTLE IT with some lame, half-arsed excuse that you just KNOW is a lie. Usually along the lines of, "Shriek! My mum/best mate/nan/dog has been rushed into hospital/killed by a bus/kidnaped by aliens.." etc etc etc etc.

That to me is being messed about.

I haven't had it happen to me three times in a week, Myriad, but it has happened a good few times over the last couple of years. With mine it tends to be "My mum's been taken ill" or "My best mate's just been rushed into hospital." Oh really, F**K OFF. I'd have more respect for them if they told the truth, IE that they've bottled it, instead of making up crap lies. And you may notice, or this is how it always happens with me anyway, that they never bother actually telling you they're cancelling until YOU contact them. Usually I text them say a couple of hours before the date to make sure we're still on.. it's always THEN that they come out with the "Oh my god!" excuses. I can only assume that if I hadn't contacted them they'd not have bothered getting in touch and would be fine with me toddling off to the date only for them not to turn up. Wankers.