Well this is really long winded but i really need help.

Ive become really close to a guy who in my eyes, absolutly the most perfect guy for me and he is exactly what ive been searching for. The only imperfection is that he is already taken.
The problem is, he has told me he loves me, numerous times. He has also done many things to show he cares very much , such as, send me an internet dongle full of credit through the post so we can skype each other, stay up til 7 in the morning talking on the phone to me or to hear from me to make sure im alright and got home safe. And many other things. He also came to look after me and spend time with me when i wasnt well. (bear in mind he lives in hull and i was in manchester at the time so its a fair trek!!)....and he also used his last £50 to do so. .....plus many more things.

The thing is...he wont leave his girlfriend but continues to say he loves me and still wants to meet up with me.

Ive made the mistake of sleeping with him, twice, and now i feel absolutly aweful. but you cant help how you feel, and i truly believe he is genuine when he says he loves me and things. he has also said he never wants to lose contact with me or cut each other off. he has NEVER made me feel bad or brought me down and he knows how to make me happy.

But what are your opinions on this?
ive had everything from "you are his bit on the side" "he is using you" ..to .."if you do end up together he will cheat on you" ...ive heard everything...but i want to know..am i being silly by sticking by him and keeping in touch? are my hopes too high? .is he just a soul mate?..if you have an opinion on this...please tell me what you think. if you have any questions about this love mess ask me and ill answer them..as im soooo confused
thanks
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~ * Love Me For Who I Am * Just Look Into My Eyes, Coz The Heart Never Lies * ~

If he loves you, he would leave his girlfriend for you, provided that is what you want from him. If you love him you need to tell him. You need to be explicit with him about what you want from him and see what happens. If you want him to yourself then ask him to leave his girlfriend for you. If he says he wont do that then he either doesn't really love you in THAT way or perhaps he is a Polygamist? Either way, it sounds like you need to clarify with him what YOU want and establish whether or not he is going to be able to provide you with that.

Ya see, the thing is ..i have asked him to leave his girlfriend and he says he cant/wont. I have also told him exactly how i feel and so has he. he has also said in the past "i wish i was single as you seem to be my perfect girl" and has said " im taken , at the moment"...making it sound like he has plans or..he hasnt got hopes of staying with her ...so...i dunno :/
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~ * Love Me For Who I Am * Just Look Into My Eyes, Coz The Heart Never Lies * ~

Whether its true or not that he loves you, to be brutely honest you are his bit on the side. If you are happy with that then carry on. If not then you should break away from him.

He is having an affair with you.

Sorry, but thats what I gather from your post.

I'll third that.

Present him with an ultimatum. Playing silly buggers does no one any good

It does very much sound like you are his fluffer - the one he goes to when he needs to feel good about himself.

I got stuck in a similar situation although i was 22, where i was in love with someone, i'd do everything she wanted me to, i'd be there if she were ill, i'd walk halfway across plymouth just to get whatever it was she wanted from a specific shop if she asked me too, i looked after her child when she wanted to 'let her hair down' (which i later found out was code for get laid) and all i got from it was depression when i finally came to my sense's (with a rather large dose of help from my brother)

If you chose to stick with him, then that's your call, I personally would walk away. It'll hurt like hell, you will lose sleep, you'll probably feel angry too, but ultimately in a few months time, you'l look back and think... i did the right thing, because now i've met someone else who isn't keeping me as a secret..

You're worth more than this, i don't even know you, but i know that no-one deserves to be messed around.

oh.. and fyi.. i still think about the girl i loved and walked away from and i still miss her, that was 7 years ago now..
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He may like you alot and may want to be with you to a certain extent..but he is with his gf and doesnt want to leave her. You may look at him now and think 'yea i love him', but seriously go find a guy that wants you and you only. You'll look back and realise how crazy you would have been to wait.
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-In order to be irriplaceable, one must always be different-

I seem to remember there was a women that started a thread similar to this a few years ago on here. Apparently this lady was in this situation for about ten years. She loved the bloke..he claimed he loved her but wouldn't leave his wife.

Was very sad, as the women was devoted to this man

thanks guys for all your advice. Ive decided to cut him off completely. Im glad i have as ive now found another guy who IS perfect and ISNT taken
thanks everyone x
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~ * Love Me For Who I Am * Just Look Into My Eyes, Coz The Heart Never Lies * ~

Write to TV presenter Anne Robinson for her advice. It will be exactly the same as mine.

This is my opinion so you don't have to let it influence you as I know how difficult it is to stand strong against someone you love/fancy/have a crush on for your own good but never date a guy who has a girlfriend..he must have mental problems and his relationship with his other girlfriend must have serious problems. You don't want to be pulled into his shit because you think he loves you! Move on with your life and enjoy! x

Simple answer: cut the fling dead. Move on, and don't ever do it again.

once a cheatr is always a cheater...he says he loves you and he makes you happy with little things and makes an effort....but he can make you happy that way bcoz it doesn cost him anyting...but he cant do the ultimate thing of leaving his girlfried for you even tho he knows it wud make you vry happy...so is he really making you happy??? think bout it
i ws wit someone who had a girlfriend at d time but v wer really in love and he did everyting u say ur man does for u...it wasn jus love...v wud tlk for hrs everyday...we knew it wasnt right...v even tried to keep away from each other...but we knew we wanted to see each other and v got back together after a month...after 6months of us being together he knew he what wud make me happy...he left his girlfriend for me...we broke up 3yrs later..but i really do believe he loved me at d tym...so i tink you shld ask yourself if he is worth the pain and hurt he will put you through..you could also take a break and tell ur guy to think about what he really wants...and it is a time for you aswell to think if he really is the love of ur life