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Home >> Love & Relationships >> No life parteners anymore ??

13.06.2007, 18:30 quote

Anonymous

The old lady in the Vicar of Dibley said to the dippy blond one 'go out with loads of men and sleep with most of them, I wish I had'

Some of my mates were married for 25 - 30 years and most have broken up, in some cases their marriages just fizzled out. But when they got married they expected to be together for life, which most people from the generations before me did. They stuck together through thick and thin, there were a few loveless marriages though.

Reading some of the posts on here, makes me think are some people looking for something that ain't going to happen. Are people now destined to go from one relationship, bit of fun, affair etc, to another. Do we need a whole new outlook on relationships ? Should people totally forget about looking for the love of their life ?

 

13.06.2007, 18:46 quote

Anonymous

well this is my opinion, years ago people stayed together even tho they wasnt happy, cos that was what you did..

where as now, people tend to want more from life and dont want to be stuck in a relationship thats not working

 

13.06.2007, 19:05 quote

Anonymous

In the West, relationships are now just as disposable as everything else. Nobody is prepared to go to the trouble of making things work, and in a society where we have too many choices (and this isn't neccessarily a good thing) we've become incredibly selfish. 'Me! Me! Me! Now! Now! Now!' is the order of the day.

We're lazy, selfish and in the end it'll be our downfall. In a world where we're constantly taking the easy way out to become happy, that happiness we're searching for will become all the more elusive. To the detriment of each other. Whether that's ducking out of relationships the moment we don't get our own way, fucking one another over in our career, or turning our back on our family or friends the moment things get tough.

This is not to say that people should stay together when things are hopeless, far from it, but when you hear a lot of couples backbiting about their partners you hear some really petty shit that could potentially 'ruin' their relationship. Whatever happened to 'through thick and thin'?

 

17.06.2007, 00:03 quote

loubylou

NEVER MIND ALL THESE THEORIES I BELIVE TRUE LOVE LASTS FOREVER AND A DAY FULL STOP

 

17.06.2007, 19:32 quote

Anonymous

loubylou wrote:
NEVER MIND ALL THESE THEORIES I BELIVE TRUE LOVE LASTS FOREVER AND A DAY FULL STOP


What I posted isn't a theory but a fact as I see it I'm afraid louby, wish it wasn't but its what I see.

although to you it is probably a theory Smile

 

17.06.2007, 19:34 quote

Anonymous

twistedvoilet wrote:
well this is my opinion, years ago people stayed together even tho they wasnt happy, cos that was what you did..

where as now, people tend to want more from life and dont want to be stuck in a relationship thats not working


But are they any happier nowadays ? I suspect not. People my age have just started doing it, but some [maybe most] younger people have maybe 40 - 50 plus years of in and out of relationships.

 

17.06.2007, 19:36 quote

Anonymous

chikhai wrote:
In the West, relationships are now just as disposable as everything else. Nobody is prepared to go to the trouble of making things work, and in a society where we have too many choices (and this isn't neccessarily a good thing) we've become incredibly selfish. 'Me! Me! Me! Now! Now! Now!' is the order of the day.

We're lazy, selfish and in the end it'll be our downfall. In a world where we're constantly taking the easy way out to become happy, that happiness we're searching for will become all the more elusive. To the detriment of each other. Whether that's ducking out of relationships the moment we don't get our own way, fucking one another over in our career, or turning our back on our family or friends the moment things get tough.

This is not to say that people should stay together when things are hopeless, far from it, but when you hear a lot of couples backbiting about their partners you hear some really petty shit that could potentially 'ruin' their relationship. Whatever happened to 'through thick and thin'?


I agree with most of what you say.

 

17.06.2007, 19:54 quote

Anonymous

samatron wrote:
Sadly, I have a feeling that on a psychological and on a chemical level, humans are designed to get bored with their partners after a finite amount of time, say ten years. Possibly shorter. Old notions of marriage and the associated societal pressures put on people forty years ago and more must have made a lot of people miserable.
I often find it interesting that human's tend to live monogamously. I wonder if anyone has read Will Self's marvellous book 'Great Apes'. That explorea a notion of a society that is based on chimpanzee social rules rather than human ones. Members in society are disgusted at the notion of people having exclusive monogamous relationships, from a mindset where being part of an alpha group is the norm.


Not sure how many were miserable, but I suspect it was mainly women. In those days men and women had defined roles. Men did what men did and women stayed at home looking after the kids. Its probably women that have mostly changed, whether women are happier now, don't know.

I've often thought that bout primates. We are just animals after all.

Changing the subject slightly, there was a documentary about an investigation about aggression in Chimpanzees, and they came to the conclusion that Chimps are more aggressive to each other when they come in contact with Humans over a long period. Chimps that have no contact with Humans are hardly ever aggressive to each other, except for the odd dominance fight of course.

 

18.06.2007, 12:41 quote

Anonymous

I remember my Grandfather saying that one of the hardest things you will ever do in life is enter a marriage or long term relationship. (and he was at Dunkirk). He was right of course, but the root of the problem is people like the easy option the proverbial silver bullet these days. I have heard people say I just wasnít happy so I got out of the relationship. But itís easy to run rather than stand and fight. It seems to make perfect sense that sometimes you will hate in a relationship and that you canít be happy all the time only the deluded would not accept thiss. I donít want to point out the obvious but relationships are about give and take. Thatís doesnít mean one does all the taking and another all the giving. The key to a good relationship I think is communication e.g. telling your partner what is wrong instead of just moaning to your friends about it. After all how can a person know what is wrong if you didnít ever tell them. To quote ďWinners never quit, Quitters never win" Iím not saying itís easy but I think this is what is required for success. I think it will be a sad day on earth if people stop believing in long term relationships otherwise all we will be left with is scraps.

 

18.06.2007, 12:53 quote

Anonymous

Ironpyrites wrote:
The key to a good relationship I think is communication e.g. telling your partner what is wrong instead of just moaning to your friends about it. After all how can a person know what is wrong if you didnít ever tell them. To quote ďWinners never quit, Quitters never win" Iím not saying itís easy but I think this is what is required for success. I think it will be a sad day on earth if people stop believing in long term relationships otherwise all we will be left with is scraps.


You're probably right about that, I now some people that have been in relationships for 20 - 30 years and they definitely don't communicate as they did when they first got married, just grunt at each other nowadays. Surprised

 

18.06.2007, 16:38 quote

Anonymous

loubylou wrote:
NEVER MIND ALL THESE THEORIES I BELIVE TRUE LOVE LASTS FOREVER AND A DAY FULL STOP

I'd stop reading the Mills n Boon books if I were you Louby.

As for Samatrons comment about length of time, I'm happy to say that I can count 2 couples in my small circle of friends that have been together 20 years and more and happier together now than they were then when they first got together.

 

18.06.2007, 22:07 quote

Anonymous

i believe lifeis what you make it Very Happy if 2 people are on the same wave length and both want to be happy together it can last for as long as you want , and there are some prince charmings out there you just have to give leeway and remember no one is perfect Very Happy

 

26.06.2007, 11:40 quote

Anonymous

Hugglies wrote:
''Happy Ever After'' happy endings were created by Disney to sell lots of happy films


Rarely does life work out like that

Crying or Very sad


I'm guessing there are no prince charmings either Confused


No sleeping beauties either..Thats the way of the world now unfortunately.

moldypeach wrote:
i believe lifeis what you make it Very Happy if 2 people are on the same wave length and both want to be happy together it can last for as long as you want , and there are some prince charmings out there you just have to give leeway and remember no one is perfect Very Happy


I agree Carly but the point I'm making is couples tend to be on the same wavelength for a certain length of time..then the wavelength seems to disappear, and some people lose the commitment to stay together.

But Like Red says there is some good news I have a few family and friends that have been together for 30 years, but they are a minority unfortnatly.

But you are right it is up too both people wanting to make it work.

 

26.06.2007, 11:45 quote

Anonymous

samatron wrote:
I was just talking generally, Red.
I hope I end up in one of those 20 year relationships.
Something tells me its not the norm, but I'd like to think that I can learn how to become a great partner and that I will find someone else who also understands.
People do stray though.
Studies done on women have suggested that women in particular are biologically prompted to stray from their partners during the most fertile period of their cycles. Isn't that mad?!?
(http://www.reuniting.info/science/articles/infidelity_evolutionary_call)
Most people want a solid, lasting and consistently fulfilling relationship. The romantic in me certainly does.
I also know that attraction is not a choice though.
We can all dream...


Part of the problem seems to me that apparantly men are most sexually active between 18 - 30, where as women late 30's and 40's. Dont know if thats true or not ??

Answers on a postcard please Smile

 

26.06.2007, 11:55 quote

Anonymous

shirazkhan wrote:
and dream we must.
love is an infinite thing - the only quantifying factor is how we treat it.
i agree with most of the practical and very well thought out things said here. however that's what my brain thinks.

my heart - now that's another matter.
why do people like us tend to give an organ that pumps and purifies blood all day, 365 days a year a persona?
because the brain is the one with the logic, but the soul/heart/inner voice (tiny or a whole bleedin' orchestra of 'em) is far from logical. it believes that true love lasts forever and 20 or 30 year old relationships work as well as they did when they first started out.

in some, such as louby, the heart is stronger beyond all belief - it still believes that true love exists, and they continue to throw themselves again and again against other hearts in the hope that they will catch them.

in some, previous scars from life - romantic or otherwise - give their brain, the logical one, a more pivotal role in their thinking. they feel such is the way of life and people move on. that love is fleeting and to hold on to one as best as one can is enough.

truth be told people - love is not complicated in the least bit. people make it complicated. but you cant take people out of it - so the only way to make it simpler is to draw more of them in.
this a philosphical point, however a real message in the midst that is logical.

personally, i let my heart govern things it's meant to, and my brain what it has to.


Very poetic Wink

Seems to me boredom is the contribution to break ups of long term relationships...couples dont do anything together so drift apart. That is the main thing they have to work on imo.

 
 
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