Hi all,

I'm at a complete loss at the moment and thought maybe someone would be able to shed some light on my situation:

Dated a guy for 7 years, got engaged, bought a new house and then two months after we bought the house he suddenly decides, 4 months ago that no, he can't do this anymore and needs to "find himself" (whatever the hell that means). I let him go without a fight, I'm just not the type of person to cling to someone who has clearly stated that they don't want to be with me. So anyway, I secretly cried everyday, for a whole week, without him knowing about it, or him seeing how torn up I was about the whole out-of-the-blue announcement. So he moved out 2 days after that and then to add insult to injury, asked his friends to come help him move out his things, still no pleading or crying on my part, in fact I was helping his friends pack up his stuff!! I was livid, and hurt and confused because I still didn't know WHY???
Two weeks after that he started calling me and telling he wants to be friends, and that I'm this great person who doesn't deserve what he did to me but he's confused and blah blah blah.
Being the person that I am, not prone to emotional outburst or anything involving crying in front of any man, I continued to talk to him, but never called him. I know I was in denial, but I eventually got over him after he told me he'd found someone else a month later. All this time, he was still calling me about twice every week "just to check how I was."
So instead of wallowing in self pity and asking "why me?" I got off my then fat butt, and started taking extra care of myself, I only thought about me and what was good for me, and not even thinking of what he was doing or with whom (I didn't care). I started working out and in 4 months lost about 53 lbs!!
I recently got together with someone I've known the same amoutn of time, who, it turns out has had feelings for me all this time and I didn't know, but my ex knew. So I told him about this new guy, who also happens to be my best friend, and since I told my ex about him, he's been a right prick to me. He's said hurtful things to me about why he broke up with me (4 months ago he didnt know though). Then he humiliated me in a public place, I still talk to him regarding the house, but all I get from him is a lot of attitude and rude behavior.
I've never once said exactly what I felt when he left me out of the blue, I never once vented my anger on him, I had other outlets and he wasn't worth all that trouble. But now, all the anger is coming back, don't get me wrong, I don't want him back now (god knows where he's been), but I want him off my back. I won't call him for weeks, then when he calsl or when I see him he'll act like a real jackass to me!!
I want to tell him to piss off and leave me alone, but I still have to discuss things that involve the house with him!! I finally asked him last night whether being unneccessarily rude to me for no reason whatsoever, he didn't answer me, so I decided NEVER to speak to him again, then he called me and acted as if NOTHING had happened!!

What the hell does this man want from me? He wanted to leave, I let him do what he wanted, now what the hell is his problem with me. Might I also add that I did nothing wrong to him...absolutely NOTHING!!

Ojk, so he wanted things his own way and got them. He obviously thought that you'd got engaged and bought a house so the next step would be marriage and babies, and it sounds as though he got scared. He didnt want to be tied down, he wanted to carry on the life as a single man and do his thing again. Which he has done.

However, while you were all alone, even though you weren't showing how upset you were, he still knew where you were, what you were doing and to some extent he still had a hold over you. But now, you have a new man in your life and he's thinking well this isn't right, she has no right to go and find someone else, (even though he's been dipping his toes all over the place). I obviously still feels the need to have some control in your life and is feeling jealous because you have someone new and even if he wanted to come back you wouldn't have him.

A word of advice - any dealings over the house don't talk to him, go through a solicitor/advocate and let them do all the talking. If you see him in the street, cross over the road or go into a shop. He's not worth it. He's just throwing all his toys out of the pram because you've moved on.

HHhmmmm, as I was reading this post i was thinking exactly the same as bexbex. You go girl !!!

I second that Rocketgirl ................ Just another man, wanting what he can no longer have ............ i have had a simular experience myself in the past, as soon as things start getting a little bit serious and more commitment is involved you dont see them for dust ............. then when they realise the grass isn't greener on the other side ................. want you back. Unfortunately because of this i myself find myself backing off from anything too serious, so as not to get hurt anymore, self presavation i think you call it.

Anyway Godess, you sound like a lovely girl and hope everything works out for ya, and at the end of the day it's his loss and well done on the weightloss, bet you feel great ....................... xx

Yup. I'll echo what has been said already; cut him off completely and deal with the house through a solicitor.

Don't waste time analysing the situation. Easier said than done I know, but try and move on. Forget the prick, even if you have to write off seven years in the process. It'll be better for you in the long run.

If its any consolation, anyone who has to 'find themselves' is an insecure asshat anyway. You're better off without him in your life.

Just echoing the call for a solicitor.

Also consider how lucky you are to have escaped not having to grow old with an immature adult toddler.

See? I knew all those years of crap relationships would serve me well!!

God, i'm good.

Godess,

What the others said.

Your ex has issues - not you. Unless you really want to be saddled with him forever then politlely move on.

tim

I agree with everyone on the matter of using a solicitor to negotiate anything to do with the house.

/* Oh my, how things have changed since I lived in PE……

…..Nelson Mandela Metropolitan Municipality?? I think I’d feel quite lost if I went back there now. I wonder if the pub I used to gig on Saturdays is still there (The Stage Door, Chapel Street)? */

Firstly, thanx to all who replied and advised

You know, in a way, I was telling myself all the things you guys said, and have had time to review some other things I went through while with him, I mean, I suffered from depression and tried to commit suicide...TWICE and am STILL in therapy! I look back on that now and think, "Was I THAT stupid?" but as I said, I was in denial.
But having someone else confirm what I believed to be true, just reaffirms my conviction to stay the hell away from him (especially in public). And the great thing is that it doesn't hurt anymore, I mean the thought of never seeing or speaking to him again and I'm not bitter or screaming death to every man!!

I've decided to move out of the house and rent it out coz I really don't like the fact that he knows where to find me, and my lovely friends have been kind enough to put me up for a whole year, till I sort out my life and decide what to do with the house. It just feels good to finally tell people (my friends especially) what I've been going through instead of bottling it up and thinking that I can deal with it myself WHAT A RELIEF!!

Oh and I feel fantastic about the weight loss, I haven't been this small in 7 years...hhhmmm!!!

Well done Godess, you can be SO proud of yourself how well you are doing - tho you don't need me to tell you there will be the bad days, but hey it sounds like you've been thru some bad times already and are now stronger for it anyways...you go girl !!!!

To darkhorse...

Trust me, you wouldn't want to come back to PE now, I still call it PE coz I HATE the NMMM name (bleeugh).
Everything in Central has gone to the dogs...drug dealers EVERYWHERE, even the hot spots are infested with Nigerian drug dealers and prostitutes, you can't even leave your house/flat after 7:00 in the evening, or if you do, leave your cellphone and money behind. They rob everyone!! Just the other day they robbed three off-duty policemen...
That's why I moved as far away fron there as possible

Looks like you ran into a prick, dear Godess... Why don't you grab a whip and teach him some manners.

So I hear! My brother has a farm out near St Albans somewhere and even all the way out there they have a wall around the whole property, with razor wire on top of that (not to mention a couple of guns in each car!). It's a shame that that is what life is like out there now, I have very found memories of PE from when I lived out there (I lived in Kabega Park and Central) and could happily wander around Central all night in those days, or walk from Summerstrand back to Central in the middle of the night when I was pissed [/quote]

I actually moved just near Kabegga, to Cotswold. That part of PE is still fairly safe, I've walked to Linton Grange at night a couple of times. Yeah, I used to do the whole walking from Central to S/Strand back in my student days, either when I was pissed or didn't have taxi money to get back LOL. But having said all that, I've been here 8 yrs now, and somehow I just don't see myself moving anywhere else...It's a sometimes shitty city (lord the damn WIND), but I love it.