This probably should be in the "single parents" bit but its full of cobwebs in there and no-one goes in cos of the boogeyman....

started seeing someone tho as always there is a BUT (there has to be) there is a sticky situation developing around this that the girl is unaware of and i fear the worst. i am 26 and have started seeing a 19 year old girl (see laura if your looking in - some 20-something guys do go for your agegroup ) i have 2 boys from my previous relationship and the "relationship" between myself and the boys mum has become a little messy since i told her i was starting to see someone....when i told her this she went a little scatty and had a go at me due to the girls age! i was then warned by the boys mum in no uncertain terms that i had not to tell the new girlfriend about the boys and she had not to meet them "incase they got attached to her"...i feel like crap about this and i am basically living a lie and it feels like shit and i cant keep it going cos its not fair on anyone.

i am shitting bricks cos i really like this girl and dont wanna lose her...

im not looking for someone to play "mummy" thats what their mum is for at the end of the day but having to hide my boys is out of the question cos its gonna make things worse in the end

anyone got any advice for me?
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well all i can say is that first, i see nothing wrong with a 26 year old seeing a 19 year old girl ..... and if your ex starts seeing someone ... is she going to do the same and not tell them about the boys ??? .... life goes on and relationships end ... i do feel sorry for the kids in it all (mine included) .. but maybe if you just give it some time ... and when ur ex realises that your happy with this new girl, and your both serious about each other then she'll come to terms with it and let you introduce the boys to your new girlfriend .... i'd say just give it time (oh and nice to see you back )

Discuss it with your ex - tell her why you feel it is wrong to hide the fact that you have children but that, for the short term at least, respect her wishes with regard the meeting.

That bit is almost certainly sound advice from your ex as it will give your relationship with this girl chance to take it's natural course without having the worry about the emotions of your children regarding your new partner.

If this relationship with your new partner becomes stable and long term then there will be plenty of time for your children to meet her.
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You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!

Depends what you mean by 'hide' them. You should most definitely let her know you have kids! How could she ever trust you if hide something so important?!

i was told by my ex that the new girlfriend was not to know about the boys at all, shes been making plenty of threats recently and has gone a tad psycho.

decided to tell all this weekend cos i cant keep this going its not fair on anyone at all and will just make things worse in the longrun
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www.myspace.com/saviouk

The truth always outs in the end, as red said she will miss trust you if you lead her on without telling her. After all, if it is long term, she will have to know sooner or later.

Depends on what kind of relationship you both want long term, whether or not she takes a mother role.

i would tell the new girlfriend trust aint easy to rebuild and you should follow the others advice as time will ease things between you and your ex, by the way does she still hold a torch for you?

I would tell your current GF about your kids and also explain to her that in time if things work out between you both that you would like her to meet them.

If this girl really likes you she will understand and if your relationship with her is quite new then she wont be ready to 'play mum' anyway.

Your ex is only creating because she is jealous.... lots of people feel 'funny' when their ex's move on either in love or do well for themselves otherwise.

Good luck... I'm sure you have a gut feeling of what is the right thing to do... follow your instincts.

Also let your kids know that one day in the future there is a possibility of you having a girlfriend - even if you dont introduce your GF to them straight away it wont be a shock to them when they find out that you have a GF. Simularly - and this might hurt to do, but that their mum might get a BF one day and its OK for their parents to have other relationships.

thanks for the responses folks...all sound advice and much appreciated

apparently the ex has a boyfriend and he knows about the boys but is not allowed to meet them, looks like a case of 1 rule for her and another for me. im gonna tell the new GF this weekend cos like folk say its all about building trust etc and i dont wanna lead her on.
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no torches for you then!!lol! good luck with that at the weekend!

Hiya hun

Nice to see ur still alive and happy and in lurve

I'm sorry but the boys ar a BIG part of your life and a big part of the person you are so it would be a good idea to tell the new GF about them. It isnt fair on her to hide such a big thing from her. If she likes you enough then she will be happy enough with it. I do however see your exes point though about the new gf not getting to meet them just yet. If the relationship is pretty new then you dont know whats gonna happen in the future and it wouldnt be fair on the boys either just yet to introduce them to someone and they get attached and then if things dont work out what happens then?? SP has a good point - it is maybe a subject that could be approached to the boys about the possibility of u both having other partners. Would probably make it easier in the long term.

This is coming from someone who has no kids but was the child of divorced parents who both met and married new partners. My mum only introduced the man (who i now call dad) to us when she felt the time was right and im sure it was at least 6 months to a year for that to happen so it may take some time hun but im sure it will all work out in the end xxxxxx

hey cazza!!

yeah im still alive, a wee bit happy and could be back on the market come the weekend

i aint planning on her meeting them unless its completely necessary and wont be for a loooong while so i agree with the ex on that part cos it would be mental of me to do that so early on. i dont agree with the rest of her crapola tho

i'll speak to the oldest one at some stage tho and explain, the other ones way too young for it

fingers crossed
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