So there we go.

2 failed marriages, several more failed relationships, an estranged daughter and grand son.

Hardly a stellar track record.

tim

Chin up mate.
Happens to the best of them. Some of them dont get it after 5 or more failed marriages. I was married, key word being was, for ten years. I will seriously think twice, or as many times as i have to, before doing that again. More likely then not i wont do it again. I'll will get involved but to get married again it would have to be a very serious relationship. At least you have enxperience like the rest of us

You're quite right of course!

My apologies for my early-morning maudlin.....

tim

Ah Tim I can imagine how you might be feeling.
Some people I know get their Decree Nisi and think "woohoo" but others dont.
Myself, I've been separated from my husband for nearly 13 yrs - at first neither of us could face the "official" idea of a failed marriage, but as time has gone by its something I no longer even think about.
Onwards and upwards dear!!

I got divorced years ago, and it's only natural to have some feelings of sadness or other. The important thing is to concentrate on yourself Tim, and start thinking about the present and your future. Were there things you wanted to do that you never got around to achieving/learning/doing in the past if so, go out there and do them? Be proactive!

In my situation, I had care of the children so I was a bit 'tied' for the first few years, but after that, I started picking up from the things I'd fancied doing years ago and started painting more seriously (but I still had a full time job)....so I joined an organisation for artists working independently and got to exhibit in places around London. Then I did courses on stained glass and silversmithing.......and it's a great way to meet new people with similar interests. I even made a piece of jewellery that got into the V&A so the whole experience of learning new skills and discovering that I wasn't too bad at them really helped my confidence and self-esteem which had been so badly affected by my failed marriage.

I really wish that everything will begin to be more positive in your life Tim, and I'm sure you're taking the steps in the right direction,so you have to be 'master of your own destiny' and not allow negativity to overwhelm you.

I'd love to get divorced from my ex, but its going to cost around a grand for it to go through court because my boys are not 16 yet ...

Although I have to say it would be a grand well spent, Maybe this year

Not sure where this forum started?
OK my situation - divorce papers not yet served (second time around) but soon my wife(?) will serve papers - funny thing is she has comitted adultery but I cannot afford to start proceedings so cheap way is for her to allege unreasonable behaviour. C'est la vie! Divorce is easy but big problems are financial situation and feelings. Last not easy for me to deal with - at the moment I feel very bitter.
I want to move on but at the moment it's not easy
Any advice?????

What a bummer!
My ex committed the adultery so I could have had grounds for divorce, but I just couldn't face up to doing anything about it with the emotional turmoil and other responsibilities I'd been left with.

So for me the easy option was simply to just agree after 2yrs of separation there was no chance of a reconciliation, even though this was a way of letting him off the hook in terms of making him appear blameless.

I'm showing my ignorance here, and I've never actually gotten divorced - but I thought that there is no 'third party blame' any more? Or was that something in the pipeline years ago that never happened?
Do you still have to give the judge a reason he agrees with before you are 'allowed' a divorce?
I thought you just have to agree (with each other, the spouses I mean) that you don't want to be married to each other any more.

There are still conditions, but maybe they're different today than when I got divorced, not sure really.

Today it's "no fault divorce" marriage has to have broken down irretrievably but you have to have reason - 1. adultery 2 unreasonable behaviour 2 separation for 2 years but both parties have to agree.
I take the view that it doesn't matter what goes on the piece of paper so I will go along with it. The sooner the better this is sorted! But as I said the divorce is the easy bit and wife(?) will be on legal aid so shouldn't cost anything.
Trying to get her to go to mediation to sort out finances - she'll get it for free but I end up paying! but a lot less than solicitors.
Thank goodness this time around no children involved.

Thanks for all the responses!

We're also doing this on the 2-years-separation clause, so there's no blame to apportion. The divorce itself is really just a natural progression of a dead marriage.

Luckily we have no children in common, so that will simplify things.

I guess I was just feeling a little low that this heralds another nail in the coffin of a 20-year realtionship. So was it 20 years wasted, or 20 years to savour? A little of both I suspect!

tim

ive not been divorced so maybe i am not in a position to comment but i wouldnt have thought it was 20 years wasted, look at all you must have learnt from that relationship over 20 years, about yourself, her, other people, their is always some gold nuggets to take away from a broken relationship, no matter how much it may hurt at the time. that's just my opinion anyway.

Very true Scottie - there are some good parts (hopefully!) in any relationships however badly they end up. Problem is that at the moment I feel very bitter and angry inside. Have to keep up a pretence of "normality" on outside as for time being we have to live in same house. Time will heal, I hope!
Timbo you are certainly not the only one going through this problem time. Hope you can move on but no idea how long it will take for you or me for that matter!