After being divorced now for twelve months, after 24yrs of spending my life with one man! I should be, by now moving forward! and looking forward to the future. What ever that may bring? It has been a very long and very painful up hill struggle to come to terms with what i have endured over the past 9 years which resulted in ME making the decision to end my marriage.
I have ridden the rollercoater of emotions... you know the ones...the ups... the downs.. the anger and the grieving bit and never being able to make sense of it all. Living almost daily with issues and insicuraties that i know i have to face head on has been a greater task than i ever would have anticipated. Now over the last few months i have seen my self improve and regain a little confidence and selfworth. Even my very dry sense of humour returning and becoming top form. Everyday was getting better and i was getting stronger. I have even had an exciting social life over the last few weeks... which should make me feel on top of the world. It did! but only for a short while!
Then last Friday, BANG for no apparrent reason i was a heap, a mess!! crying... having that knott inside your stomach that is so tight i have even been unable to eat for the last few days.( Well ok ok since Friday.) I cancelled all my social activites over the weekend and kept my mobile off. Not wanting to see anyone or talk to anyone. Things for me have been so bad i have even taken now two days off work! and taken to my bed for duvet days, which is something i never ever do! as i am a very conscientious person. For some reason i feel like i have fallen into a pitt and can not climb out of it! I am so angry with myself as i really do not know why i should be feeling like this? Or do i know what has triggered it all off in the first place? I have also found myself thinking about my past, and getting again angry with myself for not understanding why i can not appear to let go and move on from it? Today my head is like a sponge and my thoughts and feelings appear to be so irrational! Yikes this is one hell of a downer that is frustrating the hell out of me as i do not have any control over it! I guess the only positive thing i have done in the last few days is tell you all about it! Again something unsual for me as i am such a very private person.
Sorry if i have darkend all your moods...but i so needed to get it off my chest.
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What can I say, I just hope you can pick yourself up, move on, start to feel strong again, start to feel good about yourself etc.

All easier said than done.

Chin up Trace (if possible?)

I find it's better to let it out than keep it in. Hope you feeling a tiny bit better for telling us.

Trace

However bad things might have been in the latter part of your marriage, you were still together for 24 years. When a marriage breaks up, for whatever reason it is not only one of the most traumatic things a person can go through, but is akin to someone close dying too. Only thing is, because that person is still alive, there isn't the same kind of closure (very American I know, but the best word I can think of )

You have every right to still be mourning, feel anger/regret/sadness and even despair.

Talking about your feelings and getting it off your chest is a great way to deal with it Trace. I know it's not to everyone's taste, but what about talking to a counsellor. You may already have done so at some point, but getting the duvet out suggests you need someone to talk to again, someone impartial who won't judge.

And do you have a special friend who's great with 'hug therapy'? Someone who'll sit quietly holding you who's willing to help wipe away tears and pass over hankies without pushing or judging you?

I'm too far for that, but my virtual ones are sincere {{{HUGS}}}. Burrow under your duvet as much as you need Trace, but remember to look after yourself too, take care Trace.

Trace - Remember i'm here most of the time if you ever want to takl.

i don't normally reply to these threads because i just dont know what to say lolz i always try to make people smile again , but sometimes you just have to ride it out, hmm maybe it's that you have realised that your whole ordeal is finally over and now you can start afresh but anyways i'll just put "hugz" lol

Hi LadyTrace

Dont get yourself down ive been in an identical place as you are now and i still get those days where you just cant stop thinking about the past. Ive found that keeping yourself busy is the only thing that keeps your mind off it.
It does get easier, just dont stop smiling thats the worst that can happen

Thank you ... and welcome by the way...... hope you enjoy the forums...
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Glad your feeling bit better trace .. hows the romance going?

You know the near collapse could be a good thing ladytraceyx. Maybe you were unconciously purging and cleansing a lot of the stuff from your system. We all need to cry and give up now and again, and after we are done, we feel stronger and better and are better equiped to face things all over again. The stuff builds up on you over time and gets stored. Your needing to take time out for yourself for two days could be just you clearing the shelves. I dare say over the next few days, you'll feel much better because your expelled a lot of demons in that last two days.