Real quickly here: I met this girl and have communicated with her for the last 6 months, she has these mood-swings and sometimes can be very much the bitch and plain nasty, but after her mood changes she alwasy nearly apologizes for her comments. Now she isn' a scammer, why? Cause I have offered her money for things and she wants to be dependent and also doesn't want to be obligated to me for anything. We were rolling along nicely a couple of months ago while she and her boyfriend (who is the father of her 1.5 yr old baby boy) have since split up, that is they still live together until his flat is finished then he is moving out by the end of February, he says he doesn't want to be involved with the family scene anymore and is 21. He doens't want to be tied down with this scene and really cannot deal with her mood-swings any longer....I was her sympathetic ear and once it appeared to be she had all these feelings for me. Our age difference is I Aam 53 shes 21, but she says that doesnt make a difference to her, we have had conversations on the phone lasting several hours, so I must hold her interest if she likes talking to me for so long and is always mesmerized at how difficult it is for her to say good-bye from our conversations.

She wants me to visit her, and I still do want to do this, but she lives in Russia or what used to be apart of Russia. So if there is any women out there who could nail this down for me I would appreciate your perspective on this. Everytime I try to stop emailing her its just a matter of time and we get connected again and start communicating again. I simply cant say good-bye to her for good, she says I'm her soul-mate.........I want to go over there and at least get face to face with her to see if there is any reality to her feelings or she is just a blantant liar and loves to play games. Now remember we have been at this for 6 months now, emailing and talking over the phone as well. So help me understand what this hate love thing is, and what could I do to win her heart over...................Thxs in advance for any who have decided to venture this task!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Hmmmmmm

Ok I'm sorry but I have to say this is totally ringing alarm bells for me. Please dont think I'm being a bitch, but this girl seems to pick you up and put you down when she feels like it, you cant be certain that what she says really is the score with reagrds to her home situation. You can talk to someone for hours and hours but you have never really just spent time with her and you already suffer from her mood swings. YOU DONT REALLY KNOW HER!

She hasnt accepted your money... YET!

All I'm saying is try and think logically about this one... FOLLOW YOUR BRAIN!

Good luck with it...

Because she has these mood swings and this is the reason why her boyfriend is moving out, she poses a challenge to me mentally, most would have left her as most of the others she correspond's with does. I'ts as though in the beginning she was flirting then she became so serious, she called me by phone crying to say that she thought she almost lost me, yes they were real sobs as I have heard her before when she is upset. Her boyfriend at present is still living with her and sleeping in the same bed, they could be just using one another till he goes, that's when her crisis will really start.

I have noticed all along that with her she likes to be in control all the time in every situation, if for some reason you don't agree with her when she happens to be in one of those moods she threatens to cut any communication between us, as she has done before. I just allow her to do as she does, one time I let her have it, she responded with telling me not to be sorry for saying such things...........And yet she will continue not everyday now, but to ask me if I still wish to come to see her, I tell her yes I still desire to come to see her. Since the last few weeks now that she knows her boyfriend is really leaving her, she is very defensive and a bit nasty with more of her threatenings that she will cut our communications off at any whim from me. Now I am not given to being submissive to any woman, in fact she is the first that I have allowed to continue as she does.

Yes I am very fond of her, reasons are because I feel sorry that she doesn't realize or I should say doesn't try to get any help for her emotional probems her mood swings, I think she is bi-polar for sure, my son is also bi-polar so this is probably the reason why I am submissive to her controling me, at least she thinks she's controlling me tha is our communications between us.

I wrote her yesterday (email) and told her why were not as close as before here is her response:

if u start bothering me with all of this shit- what happened between us & so - nothing was happening between us- get that into your brains- ill cut any kind of relations between us. kapish? i wont repeat that again

Now here is another of her responses awhile ago:

Nov 30th 06:

there will be always a hope, a belief to see u. there will be always a chance for it. for your visit. i dont wanna to to look for reasons why my decision was exact like one i dared to whisper.
im staring to one point on the wall & feels empty inside me. why? who the heck i know?! i think ive lost u....................................................................................... it seems ur not just a friend, ur someone else i cant get out of my mind & soul. fuck, john, cos im crying for u
im trying to escape from u & god damn it i wish i could.............................. then why im longing for your voice, for your peaceful voice.... your calmness...... your crazy thoughts.... those sleepless nights............... i hate u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate u so much for staying in my mind, in my soul, in my heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i fucking hate u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why r u doing this to me...............................................................................................................(((((
i need to talk to u! i have to! but i wont call u. u wont gonna call me cos i now i know myself. im week.... ill hear your voice & thats it- ill ask for this more & more till i get back from where we've started................................
thats why i cant dissosiate from some people- they have a heart.......................................
i wish i could hate u as i do Emilis right now. but whata fuck is wrong with me?!!!!! get out of my mind, John Naughton, cos im doing mistakes one after other....................

Can you see now what I mean about her mood-swings? She was on the out with Emilis (her boyfriend)....she sounded so desperate for me to leave her for good without any communications, but as you read above and if you knew her she was being real with me the day she wrote this and she really didn't want me to leave.........

Her mood-swings vary from moment to moment because of her bi-polarism, now she hasn't admitted this to me, only that she is aware that her emotions are strange to herself ...............It as though I can't really pull away from her, sometimes I really would like to, but because of the habit now for so long its ingrained within me, on her side she acts as if there was never anything emotional that she felt towards me, but as I said earlier, its when she needs her fix she will come to me eventually and start again with either apologizing for her behavior or that she knows I know about her moods and I will accept her faultlessly.............I wish I, what shall we call it "courage"...to just cut everything off......but she is so inside of my heart as I know there is also a part of me inside of hers........that if I did for a time, she would email me again after awhile. And then the whole thing starts again.. I really do want to visit with her, but I know you must be thinking to yourself are you nuts!!!! Remember I have accepted the fact that she has these problems, and want to see her face to face to see whatever her response would be then!

It's not an easy thing here to just say.."just cut her off". With my emotions and thoughts about her and knowing that she told me many personal things about herself it is very difficult to just drop her from my mind and emotions.

Lately she has been threatening to cut off our communications at the drop of a hat from anything I may say that is off-color, for example I wrote her and said this "an early email from you"...bla, bla...she responds with anymore comments like this and I will loose my communications with her for she will make sure of it. Yes, call her bluff........but what would be the point of it, afterwards if she emailed me again, the only way to end it would be for me to constantly stop answering any of her emails........not impossible, but I dont see me doing this for what ever reason....I dont know now, there isnt a day that goes by that she isn't in my mind. I have reasoned with myself that the only way I will ever really know whats what is to just take a trip over there and see what her response is to me being there in reality.........This is me by the way, I am extreme to the point when something has a hold on me as strong as this relationship doesI will go for broke to find out, to be finally satisfied I will do this, not as a complete loss, but its appealing to me to take a trip to a foreign country as well, and perhaps make a venture out of it if the country has something to offer me in the way of entrepreneaurism goes.

Thankyou finally for taking the time to get involved with my problem here, it is most gracious of you and I appreciate your comments to me about the whole thing, if you have anymore thoughts I would welcome them, any help from a third party now would be extremely valuable to me, again Thxs very much for your time.
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I would have to ask........is it really worth the effort???? Saw your other posting about why women want to stay with men who dont want to be with them.....well to me thats an answer in itself. This women certainly aint treating you with any respect is she?? Is that seriously the person you want to be with??? If she treats you like this now I can imagine what it would be like if you were together. I certainly wouldnt be putting myself in the position to be controlled and treated like dirt.....Are you sure you really want to???

just guessing but the mood swings could be down to postnatal depression, what with her having a small child, and coming out of a long term relationship. Both stressful.

you know I split up with my daughters dad when she was 6 months old, he had been cheating on me with his manager at work. Despite that I would have taken him back in an instant for the first few months we were seperated. I was convinced that a) I couldnt cope on my own and b) I desperatly wanted my daughter to have 2 parents.

Dear johnnyBoy..

wow..firstly, i would say i can see how all of this is playing on your mind and emotions by the length and time taken by your reponses, and how you genuinely seem to be trying all you can to help and consol her..
Now as an outsider and reading through all this, my impression and advice regarding this matter is this..
You are in a very difficult position, with respects to distance, her situation with her fella, her emotional situation and indeed yours..Now it seems to me that she is crying out to be heard, express herself and off-load herself emotionally and you are the person she feels she can do this with..which is good..But, to be of any help to her at all i think you need to do a couple of things..you see i think you are now playing a kind of therapist role if you like..not saying this is all..but for now this is what you are doing and what she is wanting, i believe..so to help her, and yourself, for now you need to put aside your emotions for her and any ideas of what might happen in the future..and also, any of the mood swings she may have with you now and again, put to one side..This will make you more stronger and more able to help her in the long run..Basically, if you get too emotionally involved then this is not going to help with anything you may be trying to achieve and in fact worsen the situation..
You need to see things clearly and for what they are..continue e-mailing, talking on phone whatever..but be her friend. Dont start saying anything about being together, moving visiting etc..this is putting more crap in her head to deal with, when its obvious that she hasnt got a clue what she is doing in her own world at the moment. her blokes still on the scene and living with her..
I believe once you take the role of friend,therapist, listener whatever then you will be able to see the whole picture clearer and be able to decide what you are doing and how to proceed..
she is crying out to be heard for whatever reason and you was there..but you have got too emotionally attached to it all..and this is one of the easiest things to fall into..but of no help to either of you in the long run..
to change things, you have to be the strong one and take a step back, put everything to one side and see the problem for what it is..At this time she will also be saying things that you may not want to hear or do want to hear, but listen only as a friend..

anyway, this is the longest bloody post i have ever written on here and its probably not even making sense now, but sod if i am reading this back through to check.. hope this helps...

doctor kev signing off..good luck

think i had too much coffee earlier..lmao