What I mean by that , is when you have been seriously so much in love (I do mean love and not infatuation) and the relationship ends, your on the verge of committing/attempting suicide (like I did) but by the grace of god it doesn't/didn't happen.

How long does one wait before making such a commitment again.

I have been single for about 2½ years or so now, I haven't made any major effort to find someone as such, but it does worry me that it would/could happen again, and I think that this is subconsciously at the back of my mind.

Thanks for the reply , no your not being flippant it seems you to have experienced the same thing I did/went through.

I am just to frightened to open up if/when the time arrives

i've been through hell and back with the kids dad.... i was with him for six years and i don't think i need to remind you all what went on in those six years...... but i wasn't afraid to open up and put myself on the line again.

i don't know why...... maybe i should have been but i just wasn't.

The last partner I had I was besotted with her, she was 20 years younger than I, of bubbly build, lovely long blond hair, blue eyes, so caring, honest, loyal.

She has the most wonderful family whom I still see from time to time, and I am still made very welcome by all.

Only 2 weeks ago her parents asked me If I would take them to Gatwick airport so they could go on there hols, and of course I obliged.

I still see Clare (her name) a couple of times a week, and the feelings I did have for her have definitely gone, I now just see her as someone I know/friend if you like.

But she was the only one I felt so much for, I worshiped her, hence why it tore me to pieces when she said it was over, it took me several months to get over it.

My family/her family and friends where there for me like never before, I would chat for hours on the phone each and everyday, if it wasn't for these good people I think it's safe to say I wouldn't be here today to tell all you lovely people of what I went through.

It was the guy next door who took away the tablets (all of them), he would sit with me for a while and on it went.

Anyway maybe with what I have said may give you some insight as to why I am to frightened to open again

EDIT: Almost forgot, I have a certain record/track I like to play from time to time...................Lara Fabian - I will love again. (not sure about that?)

Ok Im going to open up to you lot for once. I went through what Ringer did about 7 years ago except I took the tablets and slashed my wrist. I was found by an ambulance crew down by a river who were attending a young lad who'd fallen out of a tree. By all rights I should never have been found but guess was lucky that day. I was in hospital for 4 weeks. The first of which spent in intensive care and it was touch and go for a while due to the loss of blood and drugs and alcohol in my system.

Anyway I recovered (thanks to the most loving parents anyone could ever want who stood by me all the way through my recovery, I was sectioned afterwards).

9 months after this I started really loving relationship with someone else. I was scared at first but soon realised how stupid I was for doing what I did and no matter what happened in the future I wouldn't ever journey down that road again. I go into any new realtionship now completely open and not scared of the future. Love does hurt yes but time heals, memories fade and new loves arrive.

Not really sure why Ive told you all this, just in that kind of mood.... it wont happen often so dont worry.

Sorry for the miserable post.

Ant.

O M G i was waiting for a punchline in that ... god thats sad - Morillo I dont like you like this

Have pm'd you Ant.

aww i know ... u get ur arse back on here and have a laugh .. forget the past

This thread has kind of..........I don't know.

Reading a couple of the posts in it..has struck a chord with me. Gave me the chills.

A year and a half ago, I got out of a two year relationship with a guy who was a little older than me.. Anyway, I was so madly in love with him, but he didn't feel the same way. He couldn't have from the way he treated me. Before you say it was a teenage infatuation - It wasn't.
I was in a pretty bad way when we broke up...I tried to kill myself. Not just because of that, as I had other issues going on in my life at the same time.

Then there's my break up nearly 3 months ago with my ex..god. Again, I had other things going on in my life. Thought about trying to kill myself again..I wasn't even with him for that long, but I actually felt more for this guy than the first guy.


Yeah..this is getting a little.....morbid.

Thanks for all your warm comments, appreciate it a lot. I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing in opening up. Im quite a private person. I guess we've all had our hard times in life, some more than others and we deal with them in different ways. Mine was quite drastic but I wouldn't change that part of my life as awfull as it was. As Kev said, its made me who I am today. I can still love and am not afraid of being in love. Its the best feeling in the world bar none, yes it can and does go wrong but its best to learn from it and face it when it does than run away form it like I did. All I can say is Im glad Im still here to enjoy life.

yeah .. i'm not good at big philisophical speaches but glad u opened up and shared .....