Having just broken up with someone, im remembering how bloody guilt ridden and horrible an experience it is. I was relieved last night but this morning, im feeling terrible because i know i've upset her greatly.

I want to help, but i don't know what to do.

i'd like to say you could help chiefy
but you know the obvious very well yourself.
there would be far too many emotions involved if you went in and tried to help her in any way.

questions would be asked, words would be said, and you'd come out of the affair feeling worse off than you went in for.

in a perfect world, we wouldnt need to break up with people because of certain issues, but we do and this world is far from perfect

aye,

Thanks mate.

I am sorry to hear things didnt work out for you. What shirazkhan says is right. If it 's you what caused her to feel bad and you feel bad about that, then going back to 'make things better' will only lead to you either getting back with her just to make her happy, or simply feeling even worse than you do. Try to step back away from the guilt thing and look at it objectively, what do you want, what does she want, and if nothings changed then you have nothing to be guilty of except for being who you are, sadly that upset her but thems the breaks in this life huh/

It was a long distance relationship. Me here, her in the States.

It was more a question of distance killing us than of me doing anything to upset her.

The next time we would have seen each other would have been March, for a week, then after that ? god knows.

All we have of each other these days is MSN and phone calls. To me thats not enough, and what upset her is that she was willing to maintain this, and that i was not.

Thanks Shirazhkhan. I appreciate it.

I am sorry it didnt work out for you, but you are right to make the choice that is best for you, better than staying stuck in a situation thats not what you want just cuz she does.
Its not just distance that can pull you apart. I have/had been with a guy for nearly 3 yrs now but for the last 18 months or so its basically been txt once or twice a day, a phone call once a fortnight and meet for a cuppa in a cafe someplace once every 6 weeks or so. He's full-time carer for both his parents and when he *does* get free time he's too knackered to do anything and depressed and prefers to stay at home alone or utilises what little time he gets to see old friends - I dont seem to be a priority at all, and I got fed up with spending 24/7 by myself waiting on a text message. We had talked about marriage and all that jazz but his life just got in the way really. He keeps saying he doesnt want me to meet anyone else, that we'll be back together properly when things change, but its not enough, its not that i dont love him enough, its just that i like me too and think I deserve more in my own liife? Its horrible to make that break when you haven't fallen out with the person isnt it.

for you too rocketgirl

and why are we the only ones posting
have decent people all fooked off to the loo?

I've never done it except once but he was in the States and in the Marines and would get off work on a Friday night at midnight and drive all night to hang with me for the weekend. Of course that was ages ago.

Everyone is right Cheify. You have to do what is best for you. I liken break-ups to people dying except they are still walking around. It sucks but time heals all.

I am like shirazkhan in that if I found someone who was ace, I would consider transplanting myself. I have set my life up so that I can play music and bartend or whatever anywhere. God knows if I transplanted myself I may get a better job opportunity than what Cincinnati currently offers and something I can use my Literature degree in. Then, there is always medical school which I have rolled around in me mind for ages. It is a long story but apparently I seem to intuitively know medical stuff and don't know why. But best I go to school than start practicing medicine from my cottage without a proper license and no Hippocratic Oath etc !!!!! hah!

Take care-you'll be fine! And I always say, "It doesn't matter what you do-if you are supposed to be with someone it will happen regardless of anything."

It's always hard when you break up with someone because you're made out to be the "bad guy", when actually you're probably hurting just as much.

I'm sorry to hear that things didn't work out in your relationship ChiefOHara, just remember that she may be upset now but in time her wounds will heal and she'll come to understand that you only did what you felt was right for both of you.

i really hate breaking up with people, you know that your breaking their heart and theres nothing you can do about it.
and trying to stay strong yourself is very hard, and you have your mates saying, hey its for the best, you'll get over it, lets have a drink, and your thinking you dont understand
but they prob do, but they dont know what to say

so my point it, worry about yourself, otherwise you are gonna have a delayed reaction which is ten times worse

I've been here in a local relationship and even though we broke up quite a while ago, because both of us were hurting quite badly we kept getting in touch and asking if either one was ok, and that we were sorry and then we ended up just picking up where we left off, until the last time we split and even though we parted on friendly terms i said something i shouldn't have and he blew big time. Since then i wanted to get in touch with him and apologise but i knew it would go full circle again and we would have been back to the beginning again. Its a bit like picking away at a scab, irresistible .

LDR's ?? Well i have had a few offers recently but can't see how it would possibly work and thats only England, never mind the states!

You've done the right thing Chiefy, i know how hard it is to leave it alone but it will get better. As with everything it takes time. The next few weeks you'll feel awful, guilty, even maybe ashamed but bare with it.

Thanks everyone. Thanks for being there, and for listening.