What do you do?

Do you try and get back at the other parent and hold them back from seeing their child? play nasty games and all that stuff?

Why?

I mean whats the point its not the other parent your hurting right?

Its your child you hurt in the long run and what gives a parent the right to hold back there child from there birth right?

If your one of these type's of parents you really need to think about it aye and not be so selfish, that child of yours will grow up and find out the truth and then youll be out on your bum with nothing.

I cant stand my girls dad but I would never hold her back from him and punish her for how I feel.

Just wrong if you ask me.

Any way whats your opinions on this subject have you ever been the parent that holds the child back from seeing the other parent? or are you the parent this is happening to?

Or you havnt had to deal with any of this but have a opinion anyway well peoples what you say?

It is by far easier to try and get along with the other parent without seeking some form of revenge and hate campaign as you are a parent for life and will always have that contact no matter what!

Anger, hurt and frustrations should be gven a back seat as this will only reflect on the childrens wellbeing and growth. To have two happy , stable parents who are not at each others throats with bitterness has to be good groundingfor their future.
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xxTxx

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I totally and completely agree, i can't understand people who would use their kids as pawns. Although i do think there are some instances in which some action has to be taken in the long run if the other partner is hurting your children then your in catch 22

So true i brought up my son on my own never stopped him from meeting his mum. Never said any thing bad about her when he was around, even talked to her on phone about him As you say they find out for themsleves he has'nt seen his mum for two years his choice not mine her loss not mine!

I totally agree! I haven't spoken to my ex for over 10 years! I haven't seen my kids at all in that time either! My ex used them as pawns to extract more money from me and even tried it on my Dad 6 months before he died! She remarried and i have to suffer the ignomityof her new guy passing himself off as Dad to my kids! No i don't hate her at all but there is a strong dislike! She has lied and cheated through the Courts and to friends of mine as well! I am now of the violition that they are really no longer anything to do with me!

My exes latest escapade was to start legal proceedings to force me to leave my home and belongings to 3 kids who are really total strangers to me! I feel that i have provided once for them and if at their ages they can't be bothered to seek me out I can no longer be bothered to leave them my stuff in my will! 7 years ago i was seriously ill! I had a letter from them! typewritten unsigned not to ask how i was or can we see you! all it said was " Mum has checked to see how much your worth! Who gets it when you die"? Sad eh!! I changed my will within days of that!

What makes me feel worse about it all is how shabbily the absent parent gets treated by our so called magnificent legal system! Beyond extracting as much money and property from me they don't want to know!

I never attempted to poison my kids against their mum even when they begged to come and live with me!

I think after 17 years of paying maintenance and going without myself my duties to them have come to an end!

Sure i feel bad! really bad about it all! Not a day goes by with me not thinking about them! But am i wrong to feel that at long last i am entitled to a life with no pressures from my exe? Twice in that 17 years i settled into stable relationships! All i got from her was flak regarding money! yes my partners income was taken into account for maintenance and the stress on us was such that we landed up splitting up! In 6 months time i will be 50 and my life has been dominated by a woman whom i consider to be evil!

I apologise for this rantin diatribe but if i have offended any one i am so sorry!
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This guy is liscensed to chill, and thrill, but the opportunities to thrill are rather less than anticipated!!!!

You're not wrong in the way you feel about your children at all David. I think it's quite natural. It is difficult if they've been poisoned against you. It means that they're feelings towards you are not entirely down to them, but if I had the chance of meeting my real dad (he's dead now) to find out his side of the story, i'd do it!

You have to move on and live your life the way you feel fit. You cannot live for them.

Thanks Red and Dark The feelingswill never really leave me though! My ex was friendly with someone who i shared an office with and told them about what i had done! that person victimised me for 4 years when i finally left that office blow me if in my next one someone else took over the victimising and it contributed to my suffering a complete nervous breakdown last year! I read your other post red about your lads birthday! for 10 years i have gone through the same agony 3 times a year! I've been excluded from every event in their lives and excluded from my family because of my ex tend to spend my own birthdays and Christmas's on my own with a large quantity of the falling down water, JEEZ i'm getting maudlin and crusty in my state of advancing decreptitude! I honestly wouldn't recognise my own kids if i bumped into them! Some years ago i spotted her father with a girl Who i wasn't sure if it was my daughter or not! i had to go around the town centre 6 times before i was sure! i pulled in to say hello, He shoved her into a shop doorway and basically went for me I'm ashamed to say that i snapped! i had him by the throat dangling before i saw sense and walked away!

The one thing i would say Red you may be miles away from your boys but beg the cash for petrol i'm sure somebody will help you i know if you came to me i would willingly give you my last penny so you can see your lad on his birthday! I would even drive you their myself!

I really must stop reading this topic It hurts and my bitterness is all to evident!
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This guy is liscensed to chill, and thrill, but the opportunities to thrill are rather less than anticipated!!!!

David..i feel for u so deeply, wish i was there to give u a great big hug.
as for me..my ex is an extreme alcoholic and abuser, but i have never kept him from Josh..that will be his choice to make when he wants..i have always told josh his dad loves him no matter what..at times josh has chosen not to talk to his dad and david(my ex) was hurt and could not understand why..ignorance is bliss on his part..asshole...but i told josh when he felt it was time to talk to his dad then he picks that time and no one wuld force him to do otherwise....dont get me wrong my ex has always provided child support and other things..like now letting us live in his home due to unusual circumstances....AND NO THERE IS NO SEX..FOR ALL THAT IS CURIOUS..OMG YUCK....every person that has been divorced with children has gone thru hell because of the kids in one way or another and every circumstance is different....the kids are the ones that always get hurt the most.

My 3 are 23, 21 and my daughter 18 this november! in my eyes they are old enough to make their own minds up! if they had wanted to see me they would have found a way by now!

My ex mother in law went through her father remarrying after being alone for a while! she refused to acknowledge her step mum and step brother! and then when he died and his estate passed to his new family my ex Outlaws launched a legal battle to contest the will! I am glad to say that they lost and landed up having to pay 2 lots of legal bills for their trouble! so i can see where the bitterness from my ex comes from! She tried to persuade my dad to sign a will in her favour! this was 10 days before her wedding and 6 months before he died! She never took the kids to see him again! Caused me to be estranged from him because he blamed me for it all and she even wanted to be involved in the family part of the funeral! when i said no way she never even sent flowers from them! I did that myself! Everyone thought she was so nice when they say them as well! Not one of them even spoke to me! i did my grieving totally alone

Theres only two small consolations i get from the last 17 years! and they are both so imature that they aren't worth mentioning!

On the 26th of November i will be sat alone with a bottle and looking back 18 years to the day my daughter was born! Remembering my thoughts then the caustic remarks made to me by her family because my ex's sister couldn't have children and we had 3, all the bad shit i went through everything i have missed in their lives and what there is still to miss in the future! No grand kids! No proud dad at weddings etc!

I actually dread seeing the announcements in the papers! cos they always say from her and DAD! and i know when i see weddings etc i am going to go off the rails!

You know all i wish for is to be happy! if i was to be blessed with more children i'd make damn sure i was there for them and even with step kids i would never try to take over from their real dad! But i would be there for them!

A small plaintive plea honestly what's wrong with me? OK i feel lousy at the moment but anyone here is a genuine free offer! Mr Nice Guy complete with Dogs and Cats and soon a tank of tropical fish. Snap me up soon someone please!
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This guy is liscensed to chill, and thrill, but the opportunities to thrill are rather less than anticipated!!!!

I would never stop my daughter from meeting her dad in the future if she chose to, and if he actually wanted to meet her as well, but i would never hold back the truth of what kind of person he is and what he did to us, she deserves all the facts then the respect and free will to make the final decision herself.

Hello DJ and welcome
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xxTxx

xx Moderator xx




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Kids should never be used or there heads filled with hatread, My kids were use as pawns for the first two years of breakup but there love won trought. No matter what happens at the end of the day Your love for them will always win irraspective of what each party think of each othere, its immature and can have an adverse affect