as most of you know my ex had no interest in his kids for a year and a half. he didn't send xmas or bday presents. this year he posted xmas presents to them. POSTED lol. i texted him xmas night and asked if he wanted to ring and speak to his daughter. he rang they spoke for half an hour. i think he cried. but at the end of the day he is not as close to them as he would have been and he has nobody to blame but himself.

which reminds me.... we have to meet up for a drink some night eh!

Well I feel compelled to answer this topic...I am a man going through a really horrible time with my ex.

We split in September 2006 and we shared a rented flat, she played mind games with me and continuously questioned my loyalties towards her for many months. She fell pregnant around 15th May 2006 and I was told straight away, but when I look back I knew I was stupid to not use a condom (even when I had been told she had lost her 'pill') I do feel somewhat coearsed into doing it and if somewhat...I was trapped.

To me, my ex decided that falling pregnant was the one true thing that she could do to keep me and from then on life would be happily ever after...!!! I didn't share the same view...a child was the last thing I wanted and I was so stupid not to take the precautions, but that is in the past.

When I told her I wanted to finish with her on the final attempt...she came at me, telling me that she would go missing, I would never see my child again, you will never be considered as its father...to me this was the most ultimate emotional upset I have possibly experienced. Surely enough this followed on into an argument the a couple nights later, where I stood in front of her, begging her to reconsider and she wouldn't , then she accused me of being a bast*rd and everything under the sun...i snapped...I pushed her hard and she fell in the house.

Understandably I was devasted, I looked at myself in the mirror and wondered why I would ever do that because it's not like me at all! I look back at it now, after I was accused of Assualt occassioning ABH, which was dropped 2 months later, as a learning curve in my life.

My ex has only contacted me twice since the incident (through estate agents)...once to claim that I have to pay more than half of the rent on the flat because she claims that I'm only paying half and I'm living there, whilst she also pays half...this isn't true and the estate agents told her that.

Secondly, she contacted again to claim more than 50% of the deposit, for which she thinks she is entitled.

My ex is apparently bitter with me for splitting up with her and all I have ever heard is that I have left her as a single parent...how could I do such a thing. This frustrates me...I was prepared to look after my child when it's born...but now she has alienated me from its life...she is only concerned about money and I'm sure I will have to pay for my child when it's born...but I refuse to have any contact with the mother...I can see bad suggestions made about me because of her bitterness...I'm not arguing with her through our child.

I am more than prepared to change my views if she can prove that she has a mature bone in her body and I will happily see my child if they wish to see me when thay are old enough to make their own mind up.

Unfortunately, I think it's for mine and the mothers benefit if we never speak to each other ever again...this breaks my heart...but I have my life to live and she has set her mark...It;s very unlikely that I will be able to convince her any differently.

The onus is upon her...she needs to decide if she can live with herself with the decision she makes.

It seems harsh to always blame the bloke all the time...there shouldn't be any blame...the child is innocent in all cases and unfortunately in many situations, it 's perceptions can get moulded by bitter parents. I can safely say that many men leave and find it hard to fight for contact because of the pre-determined legal system...it's a depressing and costly battle that has to be fought if the mother isn't willing.

Hope this helps and I also appreciate that some people on here might not empathise with my opinions...but that's life!

Regards

Mike

I kept giving my ex second chances as he kept letting my daughter down and then saying sorry he wouldnt do it again then the next weekend he would the exact same thing, i never stopped him seeing her but he just didnt make the effort. In the end my daughter said she didnt want to see him anymore, it was upsetting her too much.

I know what you mean though tinker, the crazy thing is my ex has a daughter from before he met me .. who will now be about 17 and he's seen her once when she was a baby ... he then has gone on to have another two kids to two different females..... ''Pr*ck '' is actually a mild word to use for him ....

Thanks both of you

I do feel for you too Tracy .. must be awful .. but you live miles away from your boys, and see them at every possible opportunity you can .. my ex lives 10 minutes along the road