I am saying this because all people think about is the mums,why do you tnink that is?

What makes you say that?


The one that really used to get right up my nose was the Iceland advert (frozen food shop) with the slogan "Mum's gone to Iceland". Presumably we were supposed to think that even in a duo-parent family, *mum* does the shopping, not dad?

My ex brought our kids up and I sing his praises wherever I go. I am a staunch supporter of single dads, yes they get a bum deal usually in the judicial system Dads have to fight harder than mums - under normal circumstances.

I guess its a mixture of several things:
single dads are still in the minority
the people 'in charge' in the courts are still of an age where they were brought up themselves to believe the childs place should be with the mother
there is still a social stigma of embarrassment and awkwardness that a dad would choose to bring up his kids alone - I have a friend not much older than me who when she was a small child her mum died of cancer, she was automatically sent to an orphanage because her dad worked full-time.....no one I dont suppose even bothered back then to look at the alternatives.

Give then credit for what ?????? doing the same job as single mum's do ......... we dont get that much credit ourselves.

If anything if guy tells you he is a single parent bringing up his children on his own ....... he seems to get 'oh that's so great' 'it must be so hard for you' etc ........ they do exactly the same as millions of single mums ........ so why do they need extra credit.

In my experience with courts and mum's supposedly getting it easy ........ i had to pay £2000 for the courts to tell my ex husband he was basically being a prick ....... and go away and put his daughter first instead of his own feelings, so no, not in all cases to women get preferential treatment.

Rant over ............

"If anything if guy tells you he is a single parent bringing up his children on his own ....... he seems to get 'oh that's so great' 'it must be so hard for you' etc ........ they do exactly the same as millions of single mums ........ so why do they need extra credit".

Like I said before, people go the extra mile with praise for single dads because of the reasons I outlined above that it still isn't the 'expected social norm".
You are right AM in that context, single dads should *not* get 'extra credit' compared to single mums.
I got the feeling that the OP was meaning single dads are still relatively 'forgotten'.

the above two replies have pretty much covered everything i was going to say except this..

When you become a parent, there's more important things to consider than "taking credit" for doing a good job of it wether your the mother or the father..
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No I probably will not.

I'm a single dad and was interviewed for the local paper for that reason.

I was asked about my role and how I deal with some situations (like how to answer intimate questions that my daughter might ask). My answers were well received in the first interview and now a National paper has followed up with another interview.

Although there seems to be some interest in the "single dad" area, I don't think I'm doing that much out of the ordinary. I've had it easy so far.

There are other single parents (esp the mothers) who have a tougher time and don't get the credit for it. Who has time for dating and meeting new people when you're stuck trying to keep 2 jobs down and spend time with the children. Those are today's real heroes!

Chatt3r, your comments there make me think (and no its not a dig at you, rather the papers).

Are these newspaper people interested in finding out what a single mother says to her son when he asks questions about intimate things?

When my sons were growing up, ok they lived with their dad but they saw me more or less daily....when one of them asked me an 'intimate' question, I suppose these newspaper people assume I replied "Go ask your father".
Or was it newsworthy if I used my nouse and handled it myself?

And a child in a 2 parent family, is the son directed to his father, and the daughter to her mother?

If you said this happened to you 20 yrs ago I would not be surprised, and even might have been vaguely interested in reading said paper myself.
But this is 2009, I am flummoxed.

With a change in the Law to promote eqaulity rights with single dads as well as equal responsibility with Single Dads,
then No (not as far as the UK media agenda is concerned)

Allways 2 side to a coin

x

The mum usually gets the upper hand in the courts for a few reasons.

There are some things a mum can teach a kid that a dad cant.

I had a step son, i done my best to try and raise him, and i loved him like he was my own. Although i had a hard time realising that he was just a kid sometimes, and when he was crying over the smallest things, my best advice to him was "be a man and dont cry" whereas his mother would give him a hug, a kiss and try and sort out his problems.

See, i dont believe in beating your kids so hard that they look like a different child after, but i DO agree with smacking them a few times when they've done something wrong.

A) it teaches them right from wrong, words and punishments they can get over thus not really making them afraid to do that said thing again.

B) If it's a boy, it (in my opinion) makes them tougher. they wont cry if they dont get their own way, they wont cry if someone insults them verbally. And they'd be used to getting the odd smack, so if something happens to come up where they're forced into a situation where they need to hit back, they're going to know that their not made of glass.

I didn't like it when i got hit as a kid, but i never cried about it and i sure as shit never done that bad thing again. Thinking back now, i would actually welcome being hit for everything i've done that was out of line.

(I was raised by my dad from 3 years of age)

I guess what my essay is trying to say is, a mum is better with words in terms of punishment, the dad is better with his hands for punishment. Which, is against the law nowadays. -shrug-

Yah, i may be wrong, but thats my view on the matter.

I have 2 son's and a daughter' al are now in their 20's I don't want credit for anything but perhaps a little recognition for my contribution to bringing them up and also being there for them up to the point that their mum and I fell out! (It was over money lol)

I haven't seen them for almost 15 years! The single parent with residency will always get a lousy deal!
The absent parent if they are decent will get a lousy deal too!

Personally I cannot see that a happy medium will ever be stuck, even the most amicable breakup seems to come apart when outside agencies become invoved or the absent parent starts a new relationship.

When i married for the 2nd time it was less than 6 weeks before my ex got the CSA onto me! My new wife had a decent income and my ex wanted her pound of flesh! When the CSA were too slow she took me to court! end results? maintenance doubled, a lump sump payment of 2.1k and i had to settle both sets of legal costs! FAIR not realy when you consider she had remarried 2 years previously!

I try hard not to feel bitter but sometimes you can't really help it! Incidently my 2nd marriage failed 6 months later! I still had to pay her the double amount on my sole income!

Before i get jumped on this is just as pertinent when mum is the absent parent!
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This guy is liscensed to chill, and thrill, but the opportunities to thrill are rather less than anticipated!!!!

Having kids looks like trouble. Hello vasectomy

Give then credit for what ?????? doing the same job as single mum's do ......... we dont get that much credit ourselves.
If anything if guy tells you he is a single parent bringing up his children on his own ....... he seems to get 'oh that's so great' 'it must be so hard for you' etc ........ they do exactly the same as millions of single mums ........ so why do they need extra credit.


i agree i am a a single dad with 7 kids and it annoys me when people say how well i am doing and they take there hat of to me and things like that i dont need praise for bringing up my kids i get enough praise from my kids themself when i know they are not out in gangs not out drinking and getting into all sorts of trouble thats when i know i am doing my part well i dont need reconitoin from anyone else for what i am doing

I know this a old topic but something i feel really strong about!

I personally think single dads dont get enough credit, it is always about the mums never the dads!

My mum walked out my dad leaving him to bring up 3 children, me the youngest at 6 years old! Can you imagine how hard it is for a father to deal with something like that! my mum left my dad with huge debt and he had no-one around that could help him, he had to leave his job to look after me which of course was a big struggle financially! There are times in a childs life especially with girls where they need a mum around, like puberty, buying bras and stuff like that so for a man do try and deal with that, i think they especially my dad deserves a huge amount of credit! Alot of single mums have people around them to help but my dad had no-one at all, and when i was a teenage i was a complete bitch, didnt appreciate what he did for me, of cours as i got older i did and regret the way i treated him at times!

My mum came in out of our lifes as and when she wanted and of course that was a big struggle for me and my brother and sister also what was hard was that my mum only ever seemed interested in me and never my brother and sister which my dad would then have to try and deal with, she never helped him out with money or anything! To me my dad is a true star, a complete legend and did all he could to cope with the situation. Also just to add my mum then went on to have another family which she them walked out on 6 years ago and left my younger bro and sis to be brought up by their dad, i have not spoken to her since the day my brother rung me up crying asking where she was! My younger sister went on to have a eating disorder through the stress of it, but yet apparently my mother expects sympathy from others, why because she is a compulsive liar who twists things to make people feel like she should have sympathy! My mother id dead to me, she deserves no praise for anything that i or any of other children have achieved, that goes to my dad, he is truly a remarkable man and for this yes he does deserve all the praise in the world! Yet sadly he cant see what a wondeful man he is!