I've had governments in my business off and on for the past ten years; the questionnaires and tests and so on are specifically designed to get into your business and make you feel like scum of the earth for even asking for help. But this disability allowance stuff I have to file for my son takes the cake. My ex's mum had to file this paperwork when she was undergoing cancer treatment, and he distinctly remembers her flinging the booklet across the room in anger several times.

They don't want to know how you cope, how your son smiles bright as morning. They want to know what he can't do, what he does wrong. Everyone always tells me to focus on the positive - I try to do that as it makes coping with the 2 am times when he wakes up wanting to play, or smearing his nappy contents all over the walls, or destroying a new toy or screaming in public for no apparent reason bearable. But they don't want to know about that - they want to know about all the bad stuff, and only the bad stuff. So, I have to dredge that up, without cutting it for easy swallowing, without sugar coating. It's exhausting to have to read all the things your child cannot do.

And they want to know exactly how much time, in MINUTES, not hours, you spend doing things. How many minutes do you try to convince your child to get dressed? To attempt to brush his teeth? How many minutes do you spend dealing with his temper tantrums? Negative on top of negatives, and minutes always sounds more weighty and time consuming than hours.

So I'm done filling this thing out and I've read over it to see things I may have missed - and it's the most depressing read I've ever done. Probably even more depressing because I realise this is my life, every day, without a break or reprieve. Yeah, what man I date would want to deal with this on a regular basis? This is why I'm seperated. But I HAVE to tell the worst otherwise they won't do anything for me. They don't want to hear how well I cope; they want to hear how badly I don't.

Ugh.

This too shall pass...but in order to help it along, I'm going to go and see if I can make my son laugh and hug me - which of course this form doesn't want to know about.

that's so sad, and exactly what's wrong with the world today. It's great to see that you can look at the positive though i'm sure it helps you get through with all the small minded people that are about
hope it all turns out ok though

When it comes to money, our government is all too happy to take it off us, but will thumb through a £5 note many thousands of times before letting it go.

Our government is so tight fisted it could peel an orange in its pocket
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I claim DLA, and yes, it's right about stupid questions that are asked

One question in particular that always sticks in mind, is how long do you spend on the toilet, I replied.......it depends what I had the night before

Talk about trying to make you feel degraded is a complete understatement

Whats more annoying, is people see you out and about and because they can't see a limb missing or something externally wrong with you, they don't seem to think theres anything wrong with you

I would swap my life for most other peoples lives.

My life is virtually controlled by my disability, I can't control it

It's really long winded, anyway I will enjoy life as best I can, and this board makes me smile from time to time

You know Oya... you have so much to cope and deal with... i so admire you for trying to smile.....
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I honestly don't think about it much - it's only when I have to do stuff like this or see the deer-in-headlights expression of friends or health visitors when they come round I find myself thinking "Hm, yeah, I forget this isn't "typical"." But then, neither am I!

Besides, my son is really cute! He's not dating till he's 30.


Possibly.

lol i pity the girl that tries to break his heart!!!
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hi, i just wanted to say that i feel for you i realy do, im a single dad and have both of my daughters living with me, my youngest is eight years old and has Cerebral palsy, i have been in all the queues, and filled out all the forms, talked to all the brick walls and been to the point where i thought i could not do it anymore, when i went for help with housing money and care it was as if they all thought i was lying, i even had an inspector call round to check up to see if my girls lived with me, it would seem that no one beleives that a mother would not want her children.........


but like people have said, one hug kiss or smile form them gives me the strength to push on, its not easy and probably never will be....but it is worth it.