I caught your gaze from across the bar
you standing there in your latex bra
I planned to make a move on you
On my way to the loo
So I staggered off in your direction
You saw me coming and checked your reflection
Looking back you smile at me
But its to late I need a wee
I barge pass you in desparate need
The warning sign I did not heed
'Mind your head' it did proclaim
'Ouch' to late, oh the pain
But as I lay on the floor
I look up and see a lot more
I notice that your naked down there
Not a pube in sight, completelty bare
So I gather myself and get straight up
And ask 'can I lick your shaven muff'
Next thing I know Im back on the floor
The bouncers dragging me towards the door
I didn't know you were the bar maid
No I doubt I'll ever get laid.

lMAO you romantic old fool you

As I log in to this site today
I check my inbox with utter dismay
Empty again Im sad to say
What is it that makes it this way

Is it my pic, am I that bad
Or do I come over really sad
Plenty of views my profiles had
For just one message I'd be surely glad

Im in desperate need for a woman to touch
For Im wearing out poor Fiona's crotch
She wont last another poking
You may laugh but I aint joking

So alas it maybe time to leave
A sigh of relief I hear you heave
Alas not more stupid comments made
No wonder this poor bloke never gets laid.

aw thanks...Im all emotional now....pass me a kleenex....oh hang on, I used them all up last night watching Lorraine Kellys new exercise video....I was sweating ok....do you really think I'd masturbate over Lorraine Kelly.

[quote="morillo"]As I log in to this site today
I check my inbox with utter dismay
Empty again Im sad to say
What is it that makes it this way

*sniff* Don't mine count? That's it, next time you ask me for a BJ I shall tell you to go forth and multiply!!!

You told me to already Red....thats why yours dont count.

Same thing to me....

ode to Fiona

Fiona Fiona my plastic tart.
Oh I wish you had a heart
Then you could love me to
As much as I love you

With plastic nips and vadge to match
Your nylon pubs covering your snatch
A mouth that never moves at all
Your left eye is a ping pong ball
Your right is just an empty space
I'll put a scotch egg in its place
Your body all wrinkly, you need some air
Your looking down but dont despair
I'll soon have you looking great
But oh no its to late
I left you to long and you've gone down
And now wear a permanent frown
Ive been pumping you for ages now
How to fix you I dont know how
May be a trip to my local kwik fit
To put a patch on your tit
Where I know I bit you hard
When we were at it in the back yard
I know I got carried away
But I was dying for a lay
So Im sorry Fiona, I'll put you right
And make it up to you tonight.

really is true love isnt it...

Im sitting here all alone
Playing with my 8 inch bone
Wondering oh what to do
Do it here or on the loo
Watching porn, eyes are wide
Every type I have tried
From lesbian to anal too
Even ones involving poo
I really cant get enough
Especially of the shaven muff
Big tits, small tits I like them all
Fat or thin, short or tall
I'll wank over anything
It leaves me happy with a grin.

MORILLO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was minging

I apologise for the content of my last poem.

Im officially no longer going to be funny.