I've got a lotion for that, homemade......

I was onced talked into holding a tarantula in my hand (apparently it's supposed to *cure* a phobia what balderdash!!!) and I swear I had a mini heart attack, I had to be resuscitated - now whenever I go over my son's flat and start being the dictatorial mum ("isn't it about time you cleaned your bathroom tut tut") he just says Muuuuuum I;ll get a pet tarantula..........and I head for his front door with my mouth firmly shut!!
Ooops yeah sorry better meander off to another subject.........uuummmm oh yeah
Only 3 days to go til I see my little boy!!!!!!!

Would youi like some?

(I should be shot for saying something like that, but I am feeling playful tonight)

nah i dont like pasties

sorry i cant, im just expressing my feelings, freedom of speech and that

You're NASTY, I'll sort you out, see you in five or six hours........

well i aint waiting up so i shall be sleeping when you arrive, and its gonna take longer then 6 hours