Hello Gav, welcome to the forums. I would certainly hope that you disagree with some of my points, we would be boring people if everyone agreed on everyhting! You have very valid points of course, and some of them were discussed elsewhere on the forum some time ago – that’s one of the problems, some of the older posts get lost under a pile of new ones, and then we forget that newer members are not aware of other members views on things, and then we (or I, in this case) post something new without clarifying exactly what I mean, assuming that everyone knows what I meant and read between the lines.

I said “Having said that, I suppose it depends what kind of relationship someone is looking for, or what status they give the relationship they are in.” above – this covers a lot of ground. For example, surely it would unrealistic to attempt anything more than a casual ldr – even if exclusive - (or step up to another level) if one knows in advance that one is probably not going to be able to move, and also that the person that they are seeing will be unable to move, for whatever reasons (personal or financial circumstances, tied geographically (job, kids at school).

I’m under the impression that a long distance relationship will only work if the 2 people involved do NOT want to live with someone else full time (includes at any point in the future unless one of them is prepared to move), have their own lives to get on with when the other is away, do not want anyone on top of them 24/7, do not want to talk to each other on the phone for hours every day, and happy to continue seeing their significant other on an ‘as & when we’re free’ basis. 2 people with ties (especially their jobs or even more importantly, kids still at school) should know that a ldr is out of the question and from a practical point of view should either be looking for someone closer to home or decide what status they want to give a ldr so that it does work (i.e. ‘as & when free’).

Falling in love is a funny old thing, you never know who you will fall in love with, or where they will be living But, knowing that one can’t move away from where they live, they still allow themselves to ‘fall in love’ with someone who lives hours away and then try to step things up a bit further down the line.

Condensed, a LDR only works if a) one person is able to move when things step up or b) the status of the relationship is a comfortable ‘as & when free’ for both parties, without a desire for the spontaneity and benefits of a ‘normal’ relationship.

I know what I say will not apply to everyone, but I do hope that anyone considering a ldr will take the time to evaluate the pros and cons and not let their heart run away with them and make promises to another in the heat of the moment that they can’t keep.

My own current ‘as & when free’ ldr is one where the ground rules have been laid out on both sides, as to what will and won’t happen further down the line (I learnt a lot from my last ldr lol). Ironically, despite those ground rules and a mutually agreed status to the ldr, I am actually luckily to be self-employed and work from home, so in reality I would make a perfect candidate for a ldr that might develop into something more. Ain’t life a funny old thing?

/* Me (being my usual crude self!) still think that most ldr’s are sexually orientated

*/

I collect TLRs so I'd like to thank you dark horse for a new one. Never heard, though have had, a LDR, and yes, I tend to agree with what you said. It failed cos one wanted a serious relationship and the other did too, but only one thought it possible 100 miles apart.

Unless you count the greek girl I met in france when I was a student and went out to greece to see, and then we lost touch cos I couldn't be arsed to get on the magic bus again. But that folks, is another story i won't bore you with.
Oh, I already have. Sorry.

I am simply too ugly to get dates. I've been on dating sites since early 2001 but have yet to have any proper success. All that has happened is that I have met up with a couple of women for an initial meeting but they haven't got back in contact for a second meeting.

Oukeyyyyyy...

me and craigybits! we have been best mates forever but have decided to give it a go and so far so good! we see each other every weekend so we still both have our own space during the week and we are so happy! good luck to the rest of you

Lol thanks cazza we are around and about lol

we are normally happy Caz Unless BonBon is chucking me out of bed at some Ungodly Hour of Morning to make her Breakfast !!!! we even had a wee trip last week lol