Howdy everyone, I'm new here- seems like a good site.

Although by no means a veteran of internet dating, I have browsed a few sites and I have noticed that a lot of girls seem to complain that men are only after sex.

Well, in my infinite wisdom (ie. please take this with a large pinch of salt! ) I present my own theory: women are only after one thing too!

I'd like to give a real life example of what I am talking about....

When I split up with my last girlfriend, my friend Sam (who loves being a matchmaker) decided that she was going to set me up with a girl she worked with. Below is an exact transcript of her description, exact because the words burned themselves permanently into my brain and slightly but permanently changed the way I look at the world:

Sam: Oooh! I know a girl who'd be perfect for you!
Me: Oh yeah? (here we go I think...)
Sam: Yeah, I work with her- she's a legal secretary. She's 5'10"ish, blonde....
Me: How old?
Sam: About a year younger than you I think, about 28
Me: What's she like?
Sam: Well she's really pretty, got her own house, single, looking to get married...


How can someone be single AND looking to get married?!!!
It's not an exaggeration to say that I felt my bowels relax slightly when she said this, and the worst part is that she had no idea why I was horrified until I explained it to her.

So some men may only be after one thing, but some women are too!

Anyone who's interested in the reasons behind this should read 'the selfish gene' by Richard Dawkins.

Personally, there's no way in hell I'd enter into a relationship with a girl if I hadn't had sex with her first. I nearly did this recently but for some reason I held back on asking her out. When I did have sex with her, it quickly became apparent that we weren't really compatible in bed, so it's lucky I didn't find out when she was already my girlfriend!
If that sounds harsh, imagine what the relationship would have been like...

Good post,

People all want the same thing, just different versions of it.

Some only want the special one, others want to try on every shoe in the store before they buy. Each to their own in my humble opinion.

Sin é, ChiefOHara, each to their own

Is that why women always have so many shoes?

I guess peoples priorities vary a great deal- for me sex is very important but other people may go for companionship etc as a more pressing requirement.

The girl in question is one of the wittiest intelligent and beautiful girls I know, and if we had been more compatible in the bedroom she would have been ideal, but I am happy to be friends instead.
Sex isn't all that important to her (part of the problem methinks) and I know that if I were to be in a relationship with her I'd end up cheating on her, which I am not prepared to do.

Been married twice, certainly not after doing it again!! Personally i think your friend a little odd. I don't know anyone that would introduce a stranger as 'single and wants to get married'! Scarey!

Yes, ultimately I want someone to live with, but I think that's now more to do with my age than anything else. I know from looking at a number of different dating sites over the last year or so that it's not uncommon amonst the guys to want to settle either the older they get.

I only want 1 thing ... a pet penguin

My nan, who was a wise old bird used to always say (now please bear in mind that she was of the generation that married before sex)

"If you put a penny in a jar each time you have sex in the first year of marriage and then take a penny out every time you have sex in the subsequent years you will never empty the jar!"

Sex fades, look for your best friend too is what I always think!

Ok, well that obviously wasn't enough was it?
Ok, you asked for it- example 2....

Sam introduced me to another one of her friends (matchmaking again) and she was fantastic. Apart from having slightly sticky- out ears, she was exceptionally attractive, one of the funniest girls I have ever met, very intelligent, professional (a solicitor). No straight male in their right mind wouldn't fancy her. The reason for her having been single for some time was simply because she had put her career first.
We hit it off big time. Sam had to go home but her work was done- we went to a club, had the proverbial 'barrel of laughs', and went back to hers and had some very good sex.
I began to fall asleep thinking how lucky I was to have met such a cool girl, and how I would DEFINITELY be wanting to see her again.
Then the problems started.
It was quite warm in her room, and the girl was clinging onto me like a limpet! She was also throwing off a good deal of heat, and I was getting really uncomfortable- I was really tired and my head was pounding from all the alcohol.
When I tried to shake her off, she expertly manouvered herself straight back into clinging position. I tried to tell her nicely that I was too hot, and would she mind moving over a bit, and she pretended to be asleep. When I persisted, she performed a theatrical 'waking up' scene and got all offended because I didn't want to embrace her. I tried explaining that it was only because I was so hot and couldn't sleep but she went all grumpy.
In the morning I had to rush off because I had to go to work, but I was all nice and promised to call her. When I got to work, I sent her a nice text saying what a good night I had had, hope she did too, couldn't wait to see her again etc etc.
Then the texts started.
If I liked her that much, why did I push her away after sex?! (I bloody didn't!)
If all I was after was sex, why didn't I say so?! (I said I wanted to see her again ffs!)
Why did I use her?! (how was saying that I had a great time and couldn't wait to see her again using her?!)

I tried to defend myself, and reassure her that I did in fact like her, but she wouldn't have any of it!
In the end I just got bored of it all and stopped texting her.

Thing is, if she had just said 'yeah, I had a good time too, let's go out soon', I probably wouldn't have crapped myself and dropped her like a hot potato.
Instead, she did all this self destructive, clingy nonsense.

This is by no means an isolated case- seems like every solicitor- type colleague Sam sets me up with does a similar (although less extreme) thing.

Maybe it's just that everyone in her office is insane....

Also, every girl I have dated has, without exception, told me they love me within a month (and usually much less)
Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm pretty awesome, but how can you fall in love with someone that quickly? There's no way you can know someone well enough in that space of time...

And I really want to know who clicked the option 'Doctor Beat, you are a misogynist and a charlatan. Take me now.' in my poll...

Seems to me you're just unlucky and meet some wierd ones!

I was 19/20 the first time I told I guy I loved him and not because he'd said it first and I felt I ought to say it back. That was my 1st husband. My 2nd husband said it 1st and got upset when I wouldn't until I was sure. My last serious relationship, don't know who said it first, but we'd been going together about 5/6 months before either said 'i love you'. And the guy I'm seeing now has totally messed up my head 'cos after just over 2 and a half months I'm biting my tongue to stop myself from saying it

Perhaps you ought to stop seeing the women your mate Sam tries to pair you up with. Could well be her taste in women that's skewed!

Yup, I'm actually notorious in my ability to attract 'bunny boilers'.
It's not by any means limited to Sam's friends, I manage to pick insane girls from all walks of life.
My other forte is attracting stalkers.

only thing i want in life....is happiness

"Nobody's 'happy'! Happiness comes in small doses, folks. It's a cigarette or a chocolate chip cookie or a 5 second orgasm...that's IT. OK?!" - Denis Leary

doctorbeat, welcome i like you my man

but yeah, some rough look youve had there, and the only thing i want? to look in the mirror and smile.
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Rough luck? Not a bit of it!
It may sound like I'm moaning about it, but I find things like that enormously entertaining
Life would be very dull if I didn't get myself into these scrapes once in a while...