A man wakes up in hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says 'Ah, I see you've regained consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway.'
'You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything will be OK, but
something
happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your willy was chopped off in
the wreck and we were unable to find it.
Now the bloke groans a bit but the doctor goes on, 'You've got £9000
compensation coming to you and we have the technology now to build you a new
willy that will work as well as your old one did, better in fact but, the
thing is, it doesn't
come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an inch.'

The bloke perks up at this.

'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide
how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss
with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before and you decide to
go for
a nine incher she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one
before and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time she might
be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in
helping you make the decision.'

So the bloke agrees to talk with his wife and the doctor
comes back the next day.

'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?'

'I have.' says the fellow.

'And has she helped you in making the decision?'

'She has' says the bloke.

'And what is it?' asks the doctor. . .

'We're having a new kitchen.'