What did the duck say when she bought a new lip-stick.
Put it on my bill.

Yesterday I read an article about the dangers of drinking too much,it
scared the s**t out of me. So today I decided I'm never reading again.

Little girl gets lost in Tesco's, security guard asks her 'What's your mum
like?' Little girl replies "Big cocks and vodka".

A couple in a restaurant in Llangollen asks 'Can you settle an argument for
us and pronounce where we are, VERY slowly?'
The waitress leaned over and said ....... 'Burrr gurrr kiing'.

The boss has to lay off Ann or jack. Ann walks into the office, boss say's
'I have a problem, I have to lay you or Jack off.....
'You'd better jack off, I've got a headache'

Two dwarves pull two girls and take them home.

They both get the girls into their rooms but the first dwarf can't get it up and to make things worse all night he can hear the second dwarf shouting "Here I come again.. 1 2 3 uuh.."

The Next Morning the first dwarf says to the second dwarf "How embarrassing I couldn't even get an erection"

The second dwarf says "You think thats bad i couldn't even get on the bloody bed!"

this ones probably gonna get me slated but hey what the hell:

Paul McCartney poem-:
We lay upon the grassy bank,
My hands were all a quiver,
I slowly undid her suspender belt
And her leg fell in the river!

These are pretty funny! keep em coming
_________________
Mark

xx

Some of those are Qualitteeee!!!

Two parrots sat on a Perch. One says to the other "Can you smell fish...?"

a man walks into a bar!

ouch!

lol simple one!

An Ossie bloke walking down the street, with a sheep under each arm.
Another guy asks him:
-Are ya shearing them?
- No mate,I`m gonna f*** `em both!

two old woman sitting sitting on a park bench, a flasher goes by and flashes at them.one of the old woman took a stroke and the other one couldnt reach. lol. love that joke...x

ok this is a gd 1

knock knock

whos there?

cargo

cargo who?

car go beep beep

my sister loves that 1.... my 4 year old son came out wiv it lol