here's mine, feel free to post your own, have to be funny though otherwise you get slapped with a smelly fish!

A farmer has about 500 hens, but no rooster, and he wants chicks.
So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster
for sale.

The other farmer says, "Yep, I've got this great rooster named Kenny, he'll
service every chicken you got, no problem." Kenny cost $3,000 but the
farmer decides he'd be worth it.

So, he buys Kenny and takes him home and sets him down in the barnyard, and
gives him a pep talk.

"I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service
here, and you cost me a lot of money. So I'll need you to do a good job.
Take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle. He
points toward the hen house and Kenny takes off like a shot. WHAM!
Kenny gets every hen in the hen house three or four times, and the
farmer is shocked. After that, he hears a commotion in the duck pen and, sure enough, Kenny is in there. Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese down by the lake. Again-WHAM! He gets all the geese.

By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The
farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't last 24
hours.

Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next morning to find
Kenny on his back out in the middle of the yard, mouth open, tongue hanging
out and both feet sticking straight up in the air. Buzzards are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colourful and expensive animal,
shakes his head and says, "Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried
to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."

Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the buzzards circling overhead and says,
"Shhhh. They're getting closer!"

this was funny..i like it



believe it will get moved to the jokes forum as soon as a mod comes online..

Would have been better to post this here http://www.flirtbox.net/jokes.html

So here is another...
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he’d like to eat. "I’ll have some fuckin’ French toast," he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. "Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin’ French toast for me," he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. "I don’t know," he says meekly, "but I definitely don’t want the fuckin’ French toast."

LMAO

excellent Froddo

And another...
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he’s allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That’s not surprising," the elders say. "You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."

Sheila was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath.
One of them was washing her private area, and noticed that there was a response on the monitor,when she touched her.They went to her husband Bruce and explained what happened, telling him,"Crazy as this sounds maybe a little oral love, will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."
Bruce was skeptical, but they assured him, that they'd close the curtains for privacy. He finally agreed and went into his wife's room.
After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. "What happened?" Bruce replied, "I guess she choked."

Two blokes bump into eachother in the supermarket. Sorry mate, says the first one, I am a bit nervous, I lost my wife, can't find her anywhere. Second bloke replies; gee, I can't find mine either, how about we go and look for them together? Sure, says the first one, what does you wife look like? Eh well, she's blonde, long hair, tall slim body, well tanned, large breasts and she's wearing a tight fitting low cut black dress. What does your wife look like? Forget about my wife, says the other bloke, let's go and look for yours!

Bruce and Sheila are waiting at the bus stop; with them are their 8 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only Sheila and her eight anklebiters are able to fit in the bus. So Bruce and the blind man decide to walk. After a while Bruce gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!!" The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus! So shut up and keep walking !!!!

A bunch of blokes are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
BLOKE: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Darling, it's me. Are you at the club?"
BLOKE: "Yes"
WOMAN: "I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat.
It's only £1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
BLOKE: "Sure,..go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2005 models. I saw one I really liked."
BLOKE: "How much?"
WOMAN: "£70,000"
BLOKE: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing ... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking £950,000"
BLOKE: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of 900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
BLOKE: "Bye! I love you, too." The bloke hangs up. The other blokes in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape..... He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

A bloke escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money, beer and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then goes into the bathroom.
While the man is in the bathroom, the husband tells the wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years... I saw how he kissed your
neck. If he wants love, don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay,thought you were cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too!!"

some good jokes there baggins.keep 'em coming..