Guy goes into a pub with a Giraffe.
Buys two pints and two double whiskey chasers, for him and the giraffe.
This goes on for three hours straight, no let up.
Giraffe falls down, bladdered.
Guy goes to leave.
Barman "Ol you! You cannie leave that lying there!"
Guy says " It's no a feckin' lion, it's a giraffe ya tit!"

Eh

the old ones are the best ones

Steve Irwin sunlotion has been withdrawn from the market due to false claims that it protects against harmful rays!!

Yes I know, I'm a bad man....