Firstly, i blame my parents for my sense of humour...... they never liked me.... when i was born the nurse said "8 pounds", my mom said "For a tenner you can have his cot as well"
My mom tried to kill me, she denied it... she said the plastic bag would keep my head fresh!!
I was 6 years old before i realised there was no such thing as "Pedigree Chum" baby food.

Anyway, i brought some Viagra eyedrops today......
They do nothing for your sex life...... they make you look harder!!!


This guy decides to go to church, and he prays to God and asks "Please Lord, i have bills, maintenance, and no job, please let me win the lottery"
The weekend arrives and alas, he doesn't win.
So he goes back to church again the next week and prays again "Please Lord, i have bills, maintenance, and no job, please PLEASE let me win the lottery"
The weekend comes again and again he doesn't win.
The next week he goes back to church and this time he says "Lord, why do you not help the people who pray in church? I haven't done anything wrong but you still haven't let me win the lottery!!"
Suddenly, the ground shakes, the roof opens and a booming voice from above says "Listen you idiot, you've prayed to win the lottery..... do me a favour, meet me half way...... by a bloody ticket!!!"

Thanks, I havent laughed so hard in months!

Great funnies!

Plenty of more gags to come people

LOL

I already knew this one