This is my little song that once got me a 24 hour ban from another dating site (that was before my permanent ban for upsetting the clique.)



Carol's really beautiful and very good at sums
I'd like to put my willy in her noonie or her bum
She always gets the numbers right, she's got me into maths
I'd take away her pants and add my corey to her gash

Oh Carol
When I see you on Countdown
I have to pull my pants down
And pop a finger in my brown

When she multiplies I unzip my flies
Then when she divides I put my hand inside
And then when she adds, pop out my knob and nads
Then when she subtracts I perform a sexual act

Carol's really glamorous, she wears the latest stuff
She's fit for fortysomething and I want to doink her muff
She tells you the target but it is my goal
To one day divide her flaps and then square root her hole

Oh Carol
When I see you on Countdown
I have to pull my pants down
And pop a finger in my brown

Oh Carol
When I see you on Countdown
I have to pull my pants down
And pop a finger in my brown

I've loved Carol Vorderman since 1985
I sometimes like to lurk around the bottom of her drive
I sometimes like to follow her when she goes to the shops
I sometimes open up her drains and examine her plops

I met her once and told her that I was her biggest fan
She signed me an autograph and put it in my hand
But at that point I felt a little throbbing in my gland
I realised I was ejaculating in my pants

Over Carol Vorderman, Carol Vorderman
Carol, Carol, Carol Vorderman
Carol Vorderman, Carol Vorderman
Carol, Carol, Vorder-Vorder-Vorderman





Thank you.

No comment on that one I thinks....

How's this.........

There once was a man from Pendeen,
Who built a wanking machine,
On the 99th stroke, the fucking thing broke,
And mashed his balls into cream.

Yeah, its old but it can't be any worse than yours.....

What do you mean, "any worse?"

My Carol song is a masterpiece.

Don't give up your day job....

Hmmmmmmm........

Well, which one of us is gonna get the biggest slapping for this topic then?

{Note to Cazzabee - please bear in mind he started it, and I didn't actually make my poem up, so technically I can't be blamed for how bad it is}

I don't think there's anything wrong with a love song to my darling Carol.

Well, you're right up there with Pam Ayres with that one, I think (not)

Quite like Pam Ayres.. very under rated poet.

I'm extremely relieved it only got moved and not deleted.

yeah