Its not a case of 'getting it on'. I think you need to make her feel very special without the end product being love.
Relate always used to handle this by starting off just being naked, no touching or love. Then on another night you can cuddle, but again no love. And so it progresses, through gentle touching, stroking, massages until eventually (and this all depends on her not you) it results in love.
There's no guarantees mind. And its also a good idea to have quality time without the children. Take her away for a weekend without the pressure of her having to perform.

I know this all seems to be what she wants and not you, but she is obviously not happy. Many women feel that with the pressures of family, home and work that time in the bedroom is not so important and often don't have the energy.

Its really difficult and i do feel for you both. These are just my ideas. Hope they help.

Oh dear. Have you actually just come out and asked what the problem is. I think now is the time to say you can't keep being pushed away all the time, tell her you feel unloved cause no matter what you try and do for her it never seems to be the right thing, or enough.

She sounds as though she may be depressed?? Maybe she needs to see her GP?

Sorry i don't seem to be very helpful here. Let me know how things go.

No you're not being stupid, everyone wants answers when things don't seem happy. Its only natural. I always used to ask my ex husband what was wrong all the time!! Didn't get me anywhere though! lol

I hope things work out for you. Keep smiling.

Shit, Kintoo. I'm really sorry to hear that. Didn't expect that at all.

So she's just walked and left the kids too?? That doesn't make a lot of sense. She must be really troubled.

Oh my goodness I just read this and bawled my eyes out. And I thought I'd dealt with my own issues years ago.....thing is, your wife sounds exactly like me 12 years ago - I walked out too, leaving behind my 3 and 7 yrs old sons and hubby.
I was not seeing anyone else, just I had a breakdown and was unable to communicate why or what to anyone. I know now it had to do with alot of stuff from the past before I was even with my husband, and the birth of our second son set things off on a downward spiral.
I had years of counselling to sort my head out (and became one myself eventually).
All I can say to you is - and of course, things might well have moved on since your last post - don't automatically assume that she's been cheating - see what you can do to help (and just 'being there' without being involved might be all she requires at the mo) but the most important people right now are your kids - she is presumably getting some kind of support from her friends - your kids need you to stay stable and supportive of them cuz they are the little guys who dont and cant understand what is happening most of all.
Good luck, I wish you and all your family all the best.