i am just wondering if i can have some advice, I plit with my ex due to him starting to become a bit of a control freak and was jealous and posessive! this didnt occur till after my DS was born...

Now, he only has the child when it suits him, and tells me a short notice that he cant have the child whenits a weekly thing... I am not upset cos I want to have a break, but more upset because it damafging the child and fathers relationship. I dont want to stop the father from seeing his son, becuase then in the fututre i will get the nlame... but i am also scared of my son getting hurt!

Not only that, he only seems to cancel when i have made plans with my friends.Which means, in some cases I have to cancel, which makes me feel bad on my friends!

i tried to tell him how i feel, and to me it seemed like he completely ignored what i was saying, as he didnt answer or seem to aknowledge i had said anything. I text my friend with something along the lines of 'told him went over his head' which i sent to his phone! Now he is getting petty with me because i am making him out to be a p**ck. and i really havent meant to do that. I just feel like he is still using my DS as a hold on me.

does anyone no what i can do? we are not married and he is on the birth cert. but he has never lived with me and the baby...

personally if it was me in your shoes i would go to a solicitor and sort out some proper access rules because your ex is gonna muck you about forever. he is a manipulator, my sister was with a bloke like that, he was the proverbal thorn in her side, when all she wanted to do was bring up their two kids as best she could. the thing with my sister is she wanted to get her ex out of her life because he was always trying to control her in the ways that you described above after they broke up. in short, he was a parasite and my family and i made sure he stayed away from her physically because one time he was violent towards my sister and well, lets just say he got what he dished out 10 fold.

but my sister sorted out custody and access, and things got alot better for her, after a couple of years she met a decent bloke, they married and have another child, they have been happy together for about 9 years now.
dont let your ex carry on manipulating your life, its his way of keeping you down and feeling bad, go through the correct channels and get it sorted, then if he wants to see the kids he has to stick to the rules.

thanx for that advice, My family dont know the half of whats gone on between me and my ex... cos if they did then he prob wouldnt be alive! and thats not something I want my family getting involved with! cos his family wouldnt think twice about reporting it!

I am glad ur sister is happy thanx again
love han xx

my ex was also a control freak, i couldnt do anything without him having a say and when we split he tried to still take control and tell me what to do.

I would say to do what i do, make a stand, show himwhos boss and do exactly as you please...... He has rights to se the child but hasnt got rights over you.

Go to see a solicitor, get his rights drawn up in black and white...... he then has to stick to the times etc, and if he lets your son down then in the end it will go against him

my ex kept letting my daughter down, she is 11 now and decided she didnt wanna have anything to do with him...... you just carry on being a good parent, and love your son
A solicitor will sort out access days and he will have to stick to them.
Dont reply on him to babysit if you wanna go out, get someone you know and trust other than him to babysit!

good luck huni, i know its hard but it will come good in the end, just stick to your guns and dont let him tell you what to do!

Hi, it seems to me as though your ex is still trying to control your life,he is manipulating you into a position where HE is in control(i.e you are dependant on him so you can go out). If i were you,i would have a back-up baby sitter-so that you had other options in-case he was a no show-.
I also had to bring up my daughter alone,and as you will know it is more a case of get on and deal with it rather than linger on and get upset(which will only be picked up by your daughter).
The way it happened to me is similar to you,but i just let it go right over me and spent the time concentrating on my daughter.Don't let him grind you down,be strong and if he doesn't want to be a dad then you can't change that!Sory if i seem so blunt.

hi manonthemoon, welcome

going through a rough stage with x at the mo, fair play 2 those dads that do there bit and stuff, but my ex told me last week that he is gona cute contact with the kids, from 1nite at weekend to once a month, like wat the hell do i tell the kids etc etc, he changes weekend left right and centre 2 suit his plans, i needed 2 change 1 nite cause i had a family wedding 2 go 2, i gave him weeks notice and at the last min he said he had plans.

So after that i went 2 my solicitor 2 get the weekends confirmed and 2 try and stop his arsin about, and this is wat he says he is now doin, only gona c them once a month, i said that it was his choice, but he says no this is wat i have done, not im feeling guilty and feeling like shite, cause i think if i had of said nothin then he wouldn be changing, but at the same time cant let him walk all over me, good i hate all this stuff

I was in a similar situation as a single dad, my wife left me for another chap and I had three daughters 5, 8 and 10.

My ex-wife would change the plans at a minutes notice and ensure any plans I had would not be viable.

I did not do anything about it legally just put up with it and I ensured I protected the children from the situation by making excuses for her, in the end she just got her way or effectively running my life and making it unpleasant until the girls got to an age it did not matter.

Looking back I think sorting things through a solicitor would have made my life better, but it could have made things worse for the children if she had taken the view to reduce her time with the girls.

I think the issue is your ex-partner in these cases, if they are a control freak and want to make your life difficult they will always find a way!

My kids were 9 and 13 when their dad went off to be with another woman, and he planned to see them once a week but often something would 'come up' and he'd cancel. I did my bit in telling them that their dad still loved them and it was just me that he didn't want to be with. But the worse thing was that they were old enough to feel that his visits were not really based on love and wanting to see them as more of a 'duty' visit SO even when they decided that they didn't really want to see him either, THEY made it as difficult as possible for him to 'get out of seeing them' as they felt it was a way of 'getting back' at him.