Danni, i have to agree with you. People believe being young means you havent experienced anything. Yet alot of young folk have experienced a hell of alot.

On this post, i believe your wrong to want to sleep with someone else. Discuss it with your wife, see what she thinks.

I'm trying to give my opinion to the guy who started this topic, I am sorry if I offend anyone with what I say and obviously there are going to be exceptions. Yes everyone is different, but there are a large majority of younger people who still have a lot of growing up to do and not many of the comments are very positive, you sometimes need to experience the situation then think before you give views and opinions.

ps Danni, didn't think it appropriate to tell everyone your situation, its straying away from the current topic. I should have said the Majority of and not all younger people... so i'm sorry for that !!

There's no need for ANYONE to get personal.

Yes, quite obviously, some of (SOME, OK? Not YOU personally, you reading this!) the younger people on this site are...young. They respond according to their own experience, and in many cases, that experience is apparently not all that much. Having said that, it doesn't make much sense to have a go at young people for being young. That would be like complaining about cold weather for being cold. (Hang on - we do that all the time! )

For my money, this thread actually asks a very difficult question.

Masturbation/blow-up dolls are no answer. The man is talking about going without love. Not orgasm, but love. Different things.

Now, running off with someone is wrong, I agree (although many others would argue that it's actually natural, although morally questionable).

But he's not talking about that, so it's not relevant. He's talking about continuing to love his wife, but also wanting to fulfil his sexual needs, which he would prefer to do with his wife, but which is not possible.

Anyone offering a simple answer to this question might want to think about it a little more.

Ignore his sexual needs? You can't ignore them.

Repress his sexual needs? Miserable a lot of the time.

Fulfil his sexual needs? Physical relief, but possibly a lot of guilt, fading away to less guilt, as his mind rationalises his actions as understandable and forgivable (most of us tend to do this when we do stuff we're not proud of), but still a little corner of won't-ever-go-away guilt. (Note, I said "possibly", not definitely).

I can't see a simple answer. Can you?

Scot (well done)

I thought what you said was put across very well and your right it is a difficult question and there is no easy way to answer it.

Uh, you think abandoning a wife with MS would make the situation BETTER?

Really?

Wow.

The simple answer?

Well, you're welcome to your simple answer. As I mentioned earlier, I don't think there is one.

This post, you said he should learn self-control.

Last post, you said he should leave her.

If YOU can't decide, how can you talk about simple answers?

There's nothing wrong with being opinionated. But I also believe one should be open to views other than one's own. If one goes into a debate believing one is right and it's just a case of convincing anyone who disagrees, one would be better not debating at all, in my view. You seem very absolute in your views about fidelity, as if there's no other option. And yet I know lots of people who "cheat" and some who have been caught but are still in their original relationships. Life's not always simple and ideal situations often go wrong. Before you reply, here's a suggestion: base your next reply on the assumption that from today, you are forced to be celibate for the next, say, 20 years. From age 24 to 44. From today onwards. Just as a new, fresh mindset for considering the situation.

You reckon he has "little self control" How do you know he's not been celibate for tha past 5 years? You make judgements without, as far as I can see, having enough information to do so.

You say "if he truley loved and respected his wife he would not even contimplate sleeping with someone else." I say that's a fair point.

But his feeling frustrated and unhappy and wanting to try to find a way that he can tolerate his situation and stay with his wife is also a fair point. He's considered satisfying his needs elsewhere, which you disagree with. (incidentally, I also feel uncomfortable with that avenue). Can't you also see that HE is not really happy with the idea either?

What would I do? I think I've made it clear that I have no idea.

Some questions have no simple answers.

As I've been saying all along.

Ok yes agreed there are no simple answers about anything in life. love and relationships are very complicated and nobody will ever know the answers.

As for the question of whever i could go the next 20 years. in truth if i loved the person then yes i would remain faithfull. I dont dissagree it would be extreamly hard i am a very intemate person, but if i truely loved them i would sacrifice the one on one physical side of things.

a love that is pure and true to me and i mean only me is far more satisfuing than sexual intercorse.

But as you said they are my veiws if you read them over. im not attacking im makeing my views heard and asking him how his wife would feel as he needs to concider every option.
Hell whatever he decides is entirely his decision.

Ahhh, "a love that is pure and true".

Wouldn't that be fab?

With all the couples I see cheating and being nasty to each other, I'm not sure how many people are actually lucky enough to be blessed with a pure and true love that remains as pure and true as it did early on.

Still, it's a lovely thought, and one I'd love to enjoy myself.

So what would you recommend to someone with the problem in this thread who is NOT one of those lucky enough to have the rare, pure and true love?

Someone who maybe "just" has love, but which also comes with all the day-to-day imperfections that require compromise and hard work and that includes the things that one would rather have otherwise?

Simple answers need not apply.