I have to admit that I find this type of poetry beyond me. Anyone who can write REAL poetry has my respect. I am happy I tried it though.


The last day of Thermopylae.



Upon a hillock, stood to prove their worth
Those three hundred men, trained to die from birth
That gallant band of Laconic brothers
Sacrificed their lives for sake of others

Surrounded by foe as far as eyes can sight
Clashing sheild on sheild against Persian might
Like waves on the shore an enless onslaught
The Spartan machine would not be outfought

True, life and limb fail though courage may hold
As in ev'rything time must take its toll
Leonidas King now rallies his men
Though battle weary they must not relent

Holding shivered spear and with splintered sheild
Exhausted they hold and refuse to yeild
A rain of arrows from heaven comes down
And yet the Spartans hold their ground

The Immortals fire, their numbers renewed
The crows are gathered the ending in view
As the sun melts ice the Spartans now fail
Knowing none will live to sing of this tale

Like the river bank overwheled by flood
The median tide washed away their blood
Their task now complete Ares set them free
An example set for all Greece to see

Seabourne Salamis, Persias end comes swift
At Plateia too thanks to Spartas gift
Go tell the Spartans, stranger passing by
That there, with honour, the Three Hundred lie.



For an example of what I call real poetry, please visit http://allpoetry.com/masterblaster

your poetry has a lot of life in it but (and i'm no expert) the speech rythym seems wrong - when you write a line you have to count the syllables and stick the pattern for each stanza (verse), then it is more pleasing to the ear x you obviously have passion and your imagery was great. like i said i'm no expert hope you find this feedback to be positive xx