it's long but i think you get the idea. There's a few parts of it that have been left blank but they could be inserted at any time later on.

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By the time the sun had started to set, the crowd of people had grown considerably for the grand opening of the new film ********. The constant shuffling of people with their camera's or pieces of paper and pens, ready to bombard their favourite celebs as they exited their limousines and walked the red carpet to the main doors of the building, meant that I was always at - or near the back.

The security around the building was tremendous, constant radio chatter kept them all synchronized with what was going on around the building, both inside and out. The paparazzi were all over the place too, trying to get the best positions for taking pictures ready for the next day’s newspaper’s, they had it a lot easier - they were on the other side of the red carpet.

The sky was now dark and the lights around the building flooded the whole area in front of it, lighting it up like a football stadium. A few people had already arrived, but they were just small people, probably intending on spending the night at the bar; ready to make an idiot of themselves once the show was over.

Everyone started cheering and whistling and it was then that I realised I’d been shuffled so far back that I couldn't even see the carpet let alone who was on it. After squeezing my way towards the front, the only glimpse I caught of whoever it was, was the back of an expensive looking dress, as she made her way up the stairs and through the double doors that were being held open by security.

More cheering erupted from the now easily three hundred strong crowds of fans. I heard a door shut, but couldn't see who it was, typically someone, presumably a man, at least seven inches taller than me, stepped across my line of vision. I squeezed further forward into the crowd and once again all I saw was the back of another celebrity. I decided it was time to relocate, not that I had much choice, I was already being worked back out of the crowd again. This time, I decided, I was going to head left into the crowd, nearer to the road.

Something caught my attention as I turned. I stopped, staring at a dark shadow, I worked on the theory that if you think you saw something then you probably did. I looked for a moment longer, and then the cheering started up again. I looked towards the entrance of the building, a couple this time were walking up the stairs, I didn't have a clue who half of these people were - I was only getting to see their backs. I was only here to see one person, if she was coming, just a photograph would do me.

I managed to squeeze into a great spot, down near the road, right by the barrier, I could see people scurrying about and car's edging their way slowly down the road, waiting for their time to drop off the passenger and more importantly, I’d be able to see who that passenger was, when he, or she, got out. I took my mobile phone from my pocket and checked that the camera lens on the back was clean - although I’d spent most of the day sitting in my hotel room cleaning it. A black seven series BMW rolled up to the carpet, I readied my finger on the capture button, to be sure that I didn't miss an opportunity. It was then that I found out why I’d managed to keep this spot for so long.

Two ushers approached the car; one opened the door, the other, stood directly in the middle of my picture area. I caught a glimpse of shoulder length dark brown hair and a dress that looked like it came from Santa's Christmas outfits catalogue. I held my phone up as high as I could and took picture after picture, hoping I’d catch whoever it was in at least one of them. Today wasn't my lucky day; all I’d got pictures of were heads and hands. It was then I realized, that I could prop myself up on the barrier, to make myself higher than everyone else. After a minute or so of trying to get a decent footing and balancing myself, I looked up, camera at the ready, to see Santa's best customer disappearing through the doorway into the main building.

Something touched my arm, I spun around, puzzled. A security guard was standing next to me, looking me straight in the eye, while I was awkwardly balancing and trying not to fall off the barrier. He raised an eyebrow and I didn't need telling what he wanted, getting a beating from the security guards wasn't on my to do list tonight, so I tucked my mobile back in my pocket and gingerly climbed off the barrier.

Clapping and cheering erupted from the front of the crowd as a delivery of wine and kegs of beer arrived, ushers appeared from the main building, they kept off the red carpet, it was obviously above their pay scale. Charming I thought to myself, the people who are actually doing their job aren't even allowed on it. For ten minutes, the clapping and cheering continued as kegs and cases of wine were carried from the delivery truck, each of the ushers looked suitably happy that they were getting some attention, I guess there is a plus side to being an usher or bar tender after all. After another five minutes, I was safely at the back of the crowd again, these people are good, I thought to myself, I never even realized I was being shuffled backwards. That was the main reason I hadn't brought my wallet, instead, I tucked a fifty dollar bill down the inside of my sock and left my wallet in the safe in my room at the hotel.

A noise behind me, like a metal bar hitting the floor caught my attention. I pulled my tobacco out of my pocket, rolled up a cigarette and started to stroll over in the direction of the sound. I pulled my lighter from my back pocket and lit my cigarette with it, then put it back in again, trying to act casual while being nosey. I headed towards the nearest bin in the shadows and hummed to myself to make out like I was taking a leak in the corner, just in case security decided to come and say hello.

As I stood in the shadows, the cigarette smoke billowing from my nose like an old steam train, my eyes adjusted to the dark a bit and I realized I was actually standing at the end of an alleyway. I hadn't noticed it earlier when I arrived, but then I was busy trying to find a good picture taking vantage point.

I knew full well from all the Andy Mcnab and Chris Ryan books that I’d read, that if there was someone in the alley then they would have spotted me already. I got a buzz of adrenaline, I felt like I was in one of those stories now, something in my head was telling me I needed to go down the alley.
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47 views and no comments ? !! it's either shit and ya don't want to hurt my feelings.. or your waiting for chapter 2..
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Well written Stu, waiting for part 2, think everyone has been too busy flirting to read your story...I enjoyed it

People are too kind on this website - you need to vastly improve your written English skills, in my humble opinion, if you are to stand any chance of publication.
Otherwise, by all means go ahead and self-publish, but I recommend a good creative writing class where people are honest with you - everyone telling you how "moving" your writing is isn't doing you any favours.
Sorry if this sounds hurtful, but I'm being honest.

There's a lot of text, but it's mainly stuff not happening.
Where do you give some idea of who the 'I' is?
Is it a guy?
Before I got to the rolled up cigarette, I imagined it was a young boy: he's short, he's getting pushed around and going to take photos with his mobile.
He's probably in America, maybe with a crush on some actress, and could be about to get a nasty introduction to the underbelly of big-city life.
Could be English, reading the SAS authors.
And someone could be watching his every move...
Dann ta dann tahh
(Chapter Two! )
When I looked, over 460 views!
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Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
(Jack Benny)

chapter 2 isn't gonna be on here.. I've finished the book and am saving pennies towards editing/publishing..


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I do agree that it's very wordy for not much happening, but I think it depends on the type of reader as to whether they'll engage in it and read further or just place it aside.

For readers, like me who enjoy descriptive writing, I did feel like I was taken into the place of being there at the event, and a real sense of how it felt to be within the crowd.

I do think joining a writing group is a good suggestion and will bring you into contact with people who share your interest and you'll be given the helpful advice you want to improve your work.

Good luck with it though Stu
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http://arisingmoon.deviantart.com/gallery/#-Fantasy-Art-
http://myriad28.spaces.live.com/

Intriguing Stu, but I agree it's a bit long winded. There is a sense of expectation, we know it's a female celebrity - but maybe there could be an erotic charge within 'I' him imagining her becoming energized by the press pack's sea of stark light - coming alive, all that pent up expectation will be unleashed on her; or him imaginging the pictures in tomorrows papers, or him replaying his favour shot of her in his head? Maybe you could cut to her journey or boredom, phone calls what ever, as the fan and star converge?

"the cigarette smoke billowing from my nose like an old steam train"

you don't have to say 'old' because steam trains are 'old,' plus the guy is young - he sounds like a amiable old codger on 30 a day, for the past 50 years. Maybe you could bring in a friend, GF, family member who's mentioned later, and told him to quit, and quit this obsession which brings him here – 2 rules broken already! what next... To flesh the character out.
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"The tighter you grasp Lord Vader, the more it will slip through your fingers."

Thanks for the input folks, i'm looking for a local book writing course, but the nearest is a 45 minute drive away at the moment on a wednesday night, which to be honest isn't that good. if it were a monday or friday night i could deal with it, but by wednesday all i usually wanna do is go home and die for a few hours
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Surely there's one at Southend college? There's a creative writing course near me and I'm not 45 minutes from Rochford. Well, I am, but Maldon isn't.

And there is a creative writing for Beginners and Improvers in Rochford. Obviously you'd be an improver...
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Vidi Vici Veni

I got in touch with my feminine side. She emailed me back saying if I ever contacted her again she'd call the police.

next course there doesn't start for a while yet, already asked ! will look into southend college, forgot it was even there
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