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Home >> Poetry & Literature >> A couple of sketches for song lyrics

27.07.2010, 20:33 quote

vastarien
Joined: 30 May 2010 Posts: 39 Location: United Kingdom, England, Berkshire
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I'm posting some freshly written blank poems that I'll probably use as lyrics for my band, any feedback is welcome ! I might post some more things in the future, depending on ammount of feedback given...
Keep in mind that English is not my first language ! Very Happy

"Dried flowers"

And these little thorns they hurt as hell
why didn't you believe
I was on your side

Went on a walk to clear my mind
but this red horizon doesn't purge my eyes
this is how you would blush
if I touched you now
You had no worries till that day
our fingers met
why didn't you believe
I was on your side

there was napalm in our breaths
it burned the skin
you wouldn't believe how dirty I feel
but it was you trying to wash me away
why didn't you believe
I was on your side

I could stagger back home now
with your pictures and books
it would feel like coming back to you
but I think I'll stay here for a while
here on your grave
I'll stay for a while

This day swollen with blood
when your pure eyes
met this blind bloodthirsty crowd
they seized last hope from your arms
standing on the roof smiling
with dried flowers in your hand
why didn't you believe
I was on your side

"The pages we torn out"

This lingering feeling
like someone is being unfaithful
I don't know if it's you or me
trying to say goodbye
in my little funny ways
it doesn't really work
I'll torn out the pages
I want to forget
and burn them
so that I can sleep tonight
I might have missed something
among the words you said
or maybe I just miss you
We keep reaching with our fingers
finding only barbed wire
and when we find a gap
we dive right in
but find that
there is nothing inside
and there will never be

 

27.07.2010, 20:59 quote

gypsymoon
gypsymoon Joined: 17 Jan 2010 Posts: 2655 Location: United Kingdom, England, Norfolk
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It doesn't come across that English is not your first language. I think it's a great piece of writing and will probably work well as song lyrics. I hope we get the opportunity to hear your band play it eventually Razz
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28.07.2010, 00:02 quote

ambi91

amazing

 

28.07.2010, 02:00 quote

scriptwriter

Finland has a big market for dark lyrics/scripts. True.

 

28.07.2010, 06:47 quote

itae

He said he was polish. And he's in england.

 

28.07.2010, 19:40 quote

vastarien
Joined: 30 May 2010 Posts: 39 Location: United Kingdom, England, Berkshire
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I'd like to thank everyone for their feedback , I'm proud and happy to see some positive opinions. Hopefully there will be more comments...

As for the big market for "dark lyrics" in Finland ? I believe that there might be, from what I know of the Finnish music scene, I'll need to talk to my Finnish friends, maybe we will start a little factory and export the lyrics ? I don't know though, if I should sell them by the pound or in crates?

Jokes aside, I'm not playing a doomed poet, I've been writing since I was a teen and being inspired by poets like Rimbaud, Baudelaire, Lautreamont or Byron, to name just a few, I naturally lean towards surreal and dark. Very Happy

 

29.07.2010, 19:19 quote

scriptwriter

The line about Finland was serious. I'm in contact with 12 writers and a composer (as colleagues) from Finland and the market is genuine. Try this guy: Tapio Ylinen - http://www.eclipse-music.net/English/index.html

 
 
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