I found my last boyfriend actively using a dating website while we were together. He had sent a message to a woman asking for a date. Although I never found more solid proof that he was seeing her, I had a gut feeling that he was.

I've never had a cheating partner before but I knew this man had cheated in the past and that he was being more distant than usual, so I followed my gut instinct. I have since read about women who followed their instincts and turned out to be right, but part of me still wonders if I might have jumped the gun or judged him too quickly.

So my question is this: if you don't have proof that someone is seeing other people, how do you decide whether to ditch them or not? Do you normally just ask them, or are there signs and body language signals that give them away?

When I was married 'T' showed that distance that you described and seemed like something was on his mind, I thought he'd 'blown money on the business'

One evening 'T' was going out to see his mate and I just came outright with it and said "Do we need to talk?" he then said 'yes' and told me that he'd fallen in love again with the woman he was with 23 years ago. That was after 18 years of marriage with me!

As for other signs, I was oblivious, him cheating never entered my mind, but once I knew, I was able to remember signs that were there if I hadn't trusted him 110% one of which was replacing a lot of his underwear haha!! suspicious bruises (love bites), unrecognisable perfume in the home some times....... need I say more?

Now I look back and think he did me a favour 'cos I'm so happy with life now.

The fact he's been on a dating site and messaged a girl is grounds enough to confront him. If you do it in a calm and collected way, you'll get a more honest response. It's much easier to tell if someone is directly lying than if they're just hiding something from you.

From a man’s point of view, a sure sign that your lady is cheating on you is if she comes home with semen in her hair, when she told you she was going to the hairdressers



More pertinent to the original post, go with your gut instinct. If you are proved wrong at a later stage, at least you haven’t had to go through weeks/months of suspicion and distrust. Quite frankly, if you were suspicious in the first place, it probably wasn’t going anywhere anyway.

Its very difficult once you get it inside of your head that your man could be cheating.I would go with him receiving texts or phone calls at odd times when he is with you and he leaves the room, or he suddenly accuses YOU of seeing someone else without any proof. That can be perceived sometimes as his guilt that HE is seeing or thinking of seeing someone else. Also he starts to pick fights with you for no reason. Once you have seen some evidence that he wants to see other women you should put some distance between you for a while see what he does, dont answer calls or texts. Ignore him and let him work it out for himself. If he wants you he will come groveling back. If he does not, then move on to someone who WILL appreciate you. Good luck.

I am completely aghast that nobody has mentioned talking to him. Confrontation is usually the best way and if he is seeing someone else, although he probably won't outright admit it, I'm sure you know him well enough to know if he's lying.

Subconsciously, we all have the ability to read body language and it makes up more than 50% of our communication skills so you can tell if someone is hiding something, especially if you know them well enough.

Gut instinct is good but sometimes we see things that just aren't there. If my partner ever suspected me of doing something as low as that, I'd prefer that she confront me about it rather than giving me the cold shoulder for no apparent reason that I could figure out. I could easily get the impression from her that she's bored with me and would prefer to end it because of her attitude. Gut instinct goes both ways too and a relationship could end over a stupid misunderstanding.

If he's actively using that site on a PC that you can easily access, either he has nothing to hide and is using it to increase his circle of friends or he is sending a message that will cause you to dump him because he hasn't the strength to do it himself. Either way, it's only going to be resolved by confrontation.

Yes, I agree with tryst asking outright as that's the only way you can know. That was what I did with my marriage as soon as I thought there was something wrong, even though I didn't suspect cheating, if I had, then I would have still asked the same way.

if all else fails, give him a good hard kick in the balls, if he is cheating, it'll be pointless him going out for a few days
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Obvious signs of cheating: - (my version)

1). The man calls you in odd times, for instance; at the middle of the night.

2). Sometimes he drops the phone without prior notice (he's not ill mannered, most probably his wife/existing girlfriend entered his room without knocking).

3). He doesn't call you from his home-phone or vice versa.

4). You get to see his cell & find your number saved with a weird name like 'Eric' or 'Johnny'.

well, these are tried & tested formulae with 90% guarantee but with limited application (existing boyfriend or new flame).

well as someone who has been chated on in nearly every relationship Ive managed to catch them out, but generally when they lie about where they are going that is a big flag.

I used to have a sharp memory but now I haven't, but I do agree with you Tryst having a good memory is a good thing to have where cheats are concerned.

I seem to have more of a visual photographic type memory now but without the words.

Sorry to hear about that Lexington, I'm down in London so if you'd like to meet up or something just let me know.