It is fantastic fun. And whoever said 'violence never solves anything' obviously never spent a couple of hours twatting someone over the head with some bamboo after a frustrating day at work. Highly recommended.

that is so cool - i always thought kendo was really mystical - i mean smacking people with sticks is appealing apart, but the whole concept of overcoming someone's mind games and striking a quick decisive blow - the whole philosophy of kendo - is cool.

I'm sure that if you stick around here..you'll make plenty of friends

a new question people.

y'see i have a classmate of mine - german, a year older, intelligent and a really cool person and lets just say that when you start class anywhere, there's always that girl that catches the rays just right enough to make her glow - thats her - and i can say that she tugged at my heartstrings like Knopfler pulls out a riff from his stratocaster.

ours was a case of opposites attract, she's almost the mirror opposite of me in habits. i'm usually 15 minutes late, she's bang on time. her idea of a good meal has candles and what not, i'm a "foot up on the table with a meal and TV" kind of guy. but what we shared was tons to talk about - we are both argumentative and share a unique sense of humour.

it so happened that we struck off a great friendship. pretty soon i was everywhere with her - talking, learning, appreciating and in some cases, tolerating (she has a bit of a temper issue when she's stressed )

soon enough friendship grew stronger, and i asked her out for a movie. we had a good time and spent a good time taking the long way home - just walking and talking. at the beginning of the walk, she said plainly that she hoped i was not looking to get it on with her (she's blunt, but its a quality i admire) because she was just out of a relationship and often had her good friends try to become her guy only to make things awkward when they didnt work out.

i swallowed whatever i was going to do or say and told her she could count on me and since then we have been great friends. we talk about everything and she confides in me about everything, even the fact that she doesnt see her current beau going anywhere and she's glad that she has someone to talk to like me.

thing is - i still have feelings for her. yet i dont want to be an asshole and spoil the great friendship we share. all her friends who've come over from germany think i am great and she always asks me for my opinion like it matters.

cant tell whether she likes me coz she gives me all the signs when we are out raising hell, she knows all things (preferences, likes, dislikes etc)about me that she takes into consideration when we have dinner together at either place. but then she tells me she doesnt have any feelings for me?

i'm confused and am looking to the more knowledgable folk for advice
i know i sound like a whiny teen - but am not - just looking for what you make of it

IMO, you don't sound like a whiny teen. She says she doesn't have feelings for you, yet you're pretty much best friends. Perhaps she's afraid of being hurt, or perhaps she has no one else to talk to about personal matters. It's rare that this happens, so I'd say she does have feelings for you even if she's so adamant on saying she doesn't(is she trying to convince you or herself?). Has she been on any dates recently?


You've either got to accept being friends and move on if you don't want to ruin your friendship, or you've got to do something so she'll take the first step. You can't wait around forever . What is the point in waiting if it won't lead anywhere? Can you deal with the hurt if after so long she gets a boyfriend?

thanks for replying Teggro.
the thing is - she already has a boyfriend now - i should have made it clearer in my first post. she's a month or so into the new relationship.

she has a few friends around other than me who are much more suited to the ear lending job - they're girls, and they are german and they live closer to her than i do. she just seems to ask me to do that more.

the day i posted this - she called in a few hours saying she'd been with her current beau to his hometown and just made it back - but she wanted to hang out or go have dinner. so we got us some pizza and stayed out in the park having a wee picnic.

we were laughing and talking about being together on the course and the funny things that happened to us - how we were always mistaken as a couple and my unecessarily outrageous jokes. she kept on saying how i was always a nice guy and that was one thing she could count on.

its the ambivalance that drives me nuts. everytime i lull myself into becoming the reasonable best friend type she'll do or say something to egg me on. yet she already has a guy and that does make her happy at the moment, though she predicts doom for herself in the future.

i dont mind being her best friend. i quite enjoy it - she's a polar opposite and i am challenged everytime i am with her. but the signals she sends always drive me crazy and confuse the hell out of me.

because i have feelings for her, everytime she does that thing i end up being more confused. it's like my reactions to her are on that song in the movie "that thing you do"

hope i'm not confusing you she just drives me

Yep shiraz....you are definately in the "friend zone". I have a lot of male friends who i can count on and I could never ever see myself with any of them. I enjoy what we have and thats all it will ever be. We flirt, we talk about anything, might even have a cuddle here and there but no further than that. At least this woman has been honest with you from the start. I think you have to accept that friends is all it will ever be and become comfortable with that in yourself.

thanks Caz - it's good to know it from a woman's perspective.
in part i am half relieved - because now i can go about being her friend rather than playing a guessing game.
and you are right - she has been honest with me, a quality i've always admired.

there is still a bit of me that wishes things were different - but that's the part of me that dreams when i am wide awake. truly, i'm happy for her - lots of stuff not worth talking about has happened to her and i've been there - wouldn't change that fact for anything - made me feel special.

Nope, you've not confused me. Been through the same thing and it really is a killer.

IMO, the best thing you can do is to move on and do some searching. Perhaps you won't feel so attracted to her.

I'll have to get around to watching that movie.