Guilty people never think they're the problem, so they're probably trying to turn the problem over onto you by saying you're the one with the problem!

Very well said Mirrorpool, the most important thing is to not drag your feelings from your old relationship into a new relationship, or it will be doomed from the beginning.
Although that's not as easy done as said.

I know i appreciate the insightful replies from the girls here, im sure most will. I'll try and give a guys perspective if i can, for what it's worth.

A couple of things spring to mind - the baggage we bring.. like tasha was saying.. Our own sense of self worth, respect and knowing what we want and need, in the positive aspects; and then the negative issues we can inject such as jealousy, desire for control - and this one is tricky because we might consciously think we aren't being controlling or domineering.. yet subconsciously we can quite easily do it, sadly (vs giving freedom)

So we definitely have our own responsibilities to look at. That said.. if we can read people well.. which is based on much more than just intuition, impo, you can indeed get that "gut feeling" about something. Though in reality its often more than that as you begin to piece things together.. and thats where it gets tricky and dangerous.. in the sense that we can make mistakes.

The long and short of what im trying to say in not very clear language is that.. contrary to what many of us, or at least I, was brought up with the idea that you must really work at a relationship.. (in the sense that you do whatever it takes to make it work) -

I am coming to believe that in fact if you have to hold onto something or someone too tightly.. then one or both will get hurt. Its this grasping or clinging which is painful and even those words are linked to images of people struggling to stay alive..desperately..

I did this myself, i wanted a relationship to work soooo much.. (i liked and loved this person so much it hurt - (btw.. that phrase.. how fecked up does that sound...!?) that i kept grasping tighter in an attempt to hold onto it. In doing so it actually hurt the relationship, in hindsight. :s Now the relationship is over and i still feel confused and hurt by that.. but.. if im honest.. while i had feelings of "paranoia" and the more strange things seemed even when i was doing things "right".. i think that i made things worse by clinging tightly.

If we can live lightly in all respects.. be it objects or relationships.. perhaps there will be less hurt. A little like why i feel a pang of sadness every time i see a bird or indeed any wild creature in captivity.

As Mr Scruff says, "im a ramblin' man"

Just because I'm paranoid it doesn't mean they are not out to get me.


Seriously though, yeah when someone undermines your trust it makes it hard to trust the next one.