y do ur partners tell u ur paranoid about them cheating when deep down ur intuition is always right.mine was lol x

Guilty people never think they're the problem, so they're probably trying to turn the problem over onto you by saying you're the one with the problem!

yep thats exactly wat shes been doin 4 the last 3 months.it was all me aparantly.i started to actualy think i was goin mad lol.caught her in the end tho now my head is alot clearer now.take care x

Intuition is seldom wrong in my experience, you just have to feel confident to trust your 'gut' feelings.
Glad you've got the proof you needed before your mind was too messed up! We aren't all like that either, so don't lose your faith in human nature just because of your ex.

Very well said Mirrorpool, the most important thing is to not drag your feelings from your old relationship into a new relationship, or it will be doomed from the beginning.
Although that's not as easy done as said.

i totally identify with this, had the exact same problem in my last relationship. i drove myself mad going over and over where he was, what he was doing, and who he was with for 5 months (i know, foolish lol) but its so hard when they are convincing you that you are just paranoid, and they would never do this, you almost feel bad for doubting them! its probably the most horrible feeling ive ever had. i too was right, but you just gotta laugh it off as a bad experience and remember theres some genuine people out there who wont take you for a ride. although i had to take a year out from dating cause i am so scared of it happening again.

the worst thing this does is make you think everyones gonna f**k you over, its so much easier said than done to trust again my guards are currently up about everyone, just gotta find that guy to bring them down again haha

but .. hope you can forget them and find someone who deserves you, and lets hope karmas a bitch ha

I know i appreciate the insightful replies from the girls here, im sure most will. I'll try and give a guys perspective if i can, for what it's worth.

A couple of things spring to mind - the baggage we bring.. like tasha was saying.. Our own sense of self worth, respect and knowing what we want and need, in the positive aspects; and then the negative issues we can inject such as jealousy, desire for control - and this one is tricky because we might consciously think we aren't being controlling or domineering.. yet subconsciously we can quite easily do it, sadly (vs giving freedom)

So we definitely have our own responsibilities to look at. That said.. if we can read people well.. which is based on much more than just intuition, impo, you can indeed get that "gut feeling" about something. Though in reality its often more than that as you begin to piece things together.. and thats where it gets tricky and dangerous.. in the sense that we can make mistakes.

The long and short of what im trying to say in not very clear language is that.. contrary to what many of us, or at least I, was brought up with the idea that you must really work at a relationship.. (in the sense that you do whatever it takes to make it work) -

I am coming to believe that in fact if you have to hold onto something or someone too tightly.. then one or both will get hurt. Its this grasping or clinging which is painful and even those words are linked to images of people struggling to stay alive..desperately..

I did this myself, i wanted a relationship to work soooo much.. (i liked and loved this person so much it hurt - (btw.. that phrase.. how fecked up does that sound...!?) that i kept grasping tighter in an attempt to hold onto it. In doing so it actually hurt the relationship, in hindsight. :s Now the relationship is over and i still feel confused and hurt by that.. but.. if im honest.. while i had feelings of "paranoia" and the more strange things seemed even when i was doing things "right".. i think that i made things worse by clinging tightly.

If we can live lightly in all respects.. be it objects or relationships.. perhaps there will be less hurt. A little like why i feel a pang of sadness every time i see a bird or indeed any wild creature in captivity.

As Mr Scruff says, "im a ramblin' man"

thanks everyone for all ur advice,she definately doesnt deserve me and i didnt deserve to be treated like that,i always treated her like a queen.perhaps i was to nice.she didnt hav to lift a finger in r house as i did everything but still she has to break my heart.never mind there plenty more fish in the sea and thats y im gona find a good 1 and put my last relationship down to experience.thanks again

Good attitude to take mate. Good luck finding someone better

i'm very paranoid after reading this thread !

Just because I'm paranoid it doesn't mean they are not out to get me.


Seriously though, yeah when someone undermines your trust it makes it hard to trust the next one.