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Home >> Love & Relationships >> Open Marriage - Can it work?

27.09.2008, 22:37 quote

rocketgirl

23 years ago I worked with a lady who lived with 2 guys. She was married to one of them, and from what she said they 'shared' the other guy - even had one big kingsize bed!
I only ever met her through work, but apparently they were all very happy together. At the time she was kind of frowned upon and called names behind her back (I liked her, and her private business was none of my business to comment on) but I guess nowadays it wouldnt be such a big taboo?

Personally though, I couldnt do it. If one of you is interested in someone else, summat's not right between you and it's time to either sort the problem or get out. But each to their own.

 
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27.09.2008, 23:03 quote

rocketgirl

Well, if in doubt, dont! You might regret it later.
I guess you have to decide for yourself why you are hesitant. If it goes against your morals then I would say no matter how much you love your wife, dont compromise them as you will resent her for that later.
If you are simply hesitant because you are worried about your kids finding out, what will the neighbors/your friends etc. say then you have to decide whether you personally never mind the marriage are strong enough to do what you want to do and sod what others think.
All depends on your reasons for feeling hesitant I guess!
One things for sure, dont do it unless you are 100% comfortable with it!

 
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27.09.2008, 23:13 quote

rocketgirl

But Cheeky - if both people in the marriage want to stay together but have other partners, or have a 3some or whatever, then surely there's nothing to be 'moving on' from.
My *own* opinion is as above (no way Pedro!) but I dont see the difference between an open marriage and any other couple looking for others to join them 'for a bit of fun' - the marriage then is just a piece of paper (and in my opinion again not worth the paper its written on) But my personal views are by-the-by here.
So I think Yes an "open marriage" can work, but only if both parties want that.

 
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28.09.2008, 01:22 quote

rocketgirl

The only true guidelines are you own set of morals/values etc. No one, least of all virtual strangers on a web forum, can tell you what to do. We can only give you our personal opinions, and we all differ to a great degree, then its up to you to decide what's right for you.

 
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08.10.2008, 22:11 quote

jeggae

ysabel1970 wrote:
An open relationship is never entirely open....one person at least feels compromised. If you want to be allowed to sleep around, first become single and then you can do what the hell you like! It's not difficult to work out. Neither children nor finances are a good enough reason to stay in a sham relationship.


That's not strictly true. I know some open relationships where there are no problems.

 
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09.10.2008, 07:41 quote

jeggae

koyelmitra wrote:
Well, perception varies but according to me, it can't work.

If the relationship gets boring, better be single & fool around.


Hmm, the people that make open marriages work tend to have very strong marriages, so what the point in breaking them up?

If these marriages do fail, its often not because of these arrangements.

Maybe the reason some dont really understand these marriages is because some/most people suffer from jealousy in varying degrees??

 
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09.10.2008, 20:47 quote

jeggae

bbones wrote:
some open marriages involves love with other people.. thats bullshit!!!


All open marriages probably involve love with other people mate, that's what they are.

Some people like doing it, and it doesn't affect their marriage. Bit like swingers.

 
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09.10.2008, 20:50 quote

wan90

Doesnt it defeat the object of being married?? Confused

Why bother

 
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09.10.2008, 20:54 quote

jeggae

wan90 wrote:
Doesnt it defeat the object of being married?? Confused

Why bother


That's for the people that do it to answer. They still love each other, just like having love with other people.

 
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10.10.2008, 09:34 quote

jeggae

koyelmitra wrote:
jeggae wrote:
wan90 wrote:
Doesnt it defeat the object of being married?? Confused

Why bother


That's for the people that do it to answer. They still love each other, just like having love with other people.


Love doesn't involve having love with others.Trust is the base of love & so love is the base of marriage.So your point there is invalid.

A "marriage" that enables the partners to fool around is not a "Marriage" but a contract of sleeping together which has no communication of love, no commitment at all.


Maybe you are putting more emphasis on marriage then some do?..but then maybe there's a difference between an open relationship and open marriage.

But we all have different views. Some people can separate love form love, and indeed might look at the extra trust as love.

I think when these people embark on love with someone else, it is totally agreed by the other partner. There is no deceiving or lying involved, and is done with the other partner's permission.

They think of it as 'only love'.

Obviously both partners have to totally agree and bee comfortable with this arrangement, or it doesn't work.

Its probably not for everyone..because of jealousy issues amongst other things.

 
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10.10.2008, 11:13 quote

jeggae

colkitto wrote:
..surprise myself just how the subject attracts/irritates me, never been participated in anything "sharing" a partner, nor wanted too, but met some women who have had that misfortune, without exception, they were coerced one way or another into it, call them weak minded or whatever, they were deeply disturbed by the whole malarkey, so, I guess we will read some cunning sophistry from what are, to my mind creeps and perverts advocating of defending the indefensible.....in reality civilized adults would no more share their children with another, any more than they would a partner, that's what love is, to me loyal dedication and adherence to principle of unity, without exception, anything involving a third party is at best a farce..at worst a vile perversion...period...aye the Presbyterian in me still exists ..somewhere...lol


I'll remember how innocent some women are the next time we get a pretty bi women 'in a happy relationship', looking for other women for a lesbian relationship on here. Apparently at the blessing of their men. Probably so he can watch

It takes all sorts.

 
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10.10.2008, 23:33 quote

jeggae

mimib wrote:
My guess would rather be that if a couple is lacking of communication or simply lived apart they are trying to spice up their life - seeing their love-life as an indicator for the entire relationship. In the end everybody has a free will and is responsible for his own decision.


I agree, I never judge anyone and let everyone get on with it. That includes age etc.

But these arrangements wouldnt work if there wasnt communication. If they ain't strong relationships/marriages they wouldn't work.

 
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11.10.2008, 11:30 quote

jeggae

colkitto wrote:
jeggae wrote:
mimib wrote:
My guess would rather be that if a couple is lacking of communication or simply lived apart they are trying to spice up their life - seeing their love-life as an indicator for the entire relationship. In the end everybody has a free will and is responsible for his own decision.


I agree, I never judge anyone and let everyone get on with it. That includes age etc.

But these arrangements wouldnt work if there wasnt communication. If they ain't strong relationships/marriages they wouldn't work.


how magnanimous of you...communication is just a trite word, my mother used to "communicate" with me..as she quite rightly beat the crud outta me for my latest misdemeanor, what you seem to think is that's it's all done with noble intention, some read to many romantic porn stories, the reality is usually, some poor lass frightened of losing her man unless she joins in the "esprit de corps" often times she will have been told how boring the love life is (his/99% mans fault) he thinks, my marriage is dull lets get someone to hump my beloved, that will make us even happier...chuckle...


You're coming across [to me] as someone who's led a sheltered life. Women can get just as bored with their love lives as men. Some women are actually the dominant partner in the relationship.

Obviously we all have different experiences. In my experience SOME women can be just as controlling as men, and some women actually do like love. I can show you some sites where women actively look for men [and women] for love, sometimes with the agreement of their partner, sometimes behind the partners back.

Last night on another dating site similar to this, a woman who I've met at a meet, told me she'd like me to go up to see her, and I know she has a partner. She made it plain she only wants one thing. I said I would, but doubt I'll email her. Only because she lives too far away.

As I've always been single, it as been a constant problem for me. So I know some women can be not very innocent.


colkitto wrote:
yeah right.....or does each to their own, now extend to pedophiles next....perverts are perverts....as we Scots say.."aye it's a sair ficht"...lol


Very juvenile retort, of course I meant anything legal and harmless.

 
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11.10.2008, 11:51 quote

jeggae

bbones wrote:
jeggae wrote:
I can show you some sites where women actively look for men [and women] for love, sometimes with the agreement of their partner, sometimes behind the partners back.


go on. . .


Cant post them on here, against the rules. But I can message you links. But they are pay sites for men, women tend to be free. One is very expensive.

I just want to make it plain, I've never paid for any of these sites.

 
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11.10.2008, 12:58 quote

jeggae

mirrorpool wrote:
I can't say whether I think it works or not, although there does seem to be couples where they're together for many years that have the 'open' relationship.
I get quite a few men who want me as part of their 'open' plan, and with their wife's agreement, one even wanted me to chat to his wife so she could tell me she approves.......anyway, I've not been there, I don't think it's right for me though. Also as flattering as it is to be considered sexy, I like to have my personality acknowledged as well.


I will acknowledge you personality Sue, it is indeed a first class one

 
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