Hi,

I've been married for 12 years and like most its had its ups and downs. My wife keeps talking about having an open marriage where we both have separate partners or share.

I'm not sure about this and if I'm honest I don't know if our marriage is strong enough to work this way.

Has anyone ever been married and had a sexual partner outside of the marriage too? How did it work?

Si

23 years ago I worked with a lady who lived with 2 guys. She was married to one of them, and from what she said they 'shared' the other guy - even had one big kingsize bed!
I only ever met her through work, but apparently they were all very happy together. At the time she was kind of frowned upon and called names behind her back (I liked her, and her private business was none of my business to comment on) but I guess nowadays it wouldnt be such a big taboo?

Personally though, I couldnt do it. If one of you is interested in someone else, summat's not right between you and it's time to either sort the problem or get out. But each to their own.

Well, if in doubt, dont! You might regret it later.
I guess you have to decide for yourself why you are hesitant. If it goes against your morals then I would say no matter how much you love your wife, dont compromise them as you will resent her for that later.
If you are simply hesitant because you are worried about your kids finding out, what will the neighbors/your friends etc. say then you have to decide whether you personally never mind the marriage are strong enough to do what you want to do and sod what others think.
All depends on your reasons for feeling hesitant I guess!
One things for sure, dont do it unless you are 100% comfortable with it!

But Cheeky - if both people in the marriage want to stay together but have other partners, or have a 3some or whatever, then surely there's nothing to be 'moving on' from.
My *own* opinion is as above (no way Pedro!) but I dont see the difference between an open marriage and any other couple looking for others to join them 'for a bit of fun' - the marriage then is just a piece of paper (and in my opinion again not worth the paper its written on) But my personal views are by-the-by here.
So I think Yes an "open marriage" can work, but only if both parties want that.

Alice ... as much as I love you......


I'm way to pissed to reply to this......



tomorrow, babes ... xxx

Well I wouldnt have done it but that's my opinion, if you're thinking along these lines then I would say think hard & long as there's no way back...I really can't see it helping in the marriage either. I can understand a little of where your at as my marriage ended after 17 years but should have ended a lot sooner, stayed til my son was older, plus it was easier to be with someone & feel sort of safe than be on my own, but once we did split it was the best thing i've ever done....but at the end of the day it's your decision & I wish you well,good luck Si

The only true guidelines are you own set of morals/values etc. No one, least of all virtual strangers on a web forum, can tell you what to do. We can only give you our personal opinions, and we all differ to a great degree, then its up to you to decide what's right for you.

There are 3 people in this marriage.

You.
Her.
And most probably a divorce.

The human mind is basically rigged for monogamy. Of course the distribution of this among the population is going to be something like a bell shaped curve, ie there will always be a few loners and a few polygamists but most lie in between. It is reasonable to argue that since we are social creatures the curve will probably be inclined more towards polygamy than solitude, and after all that is more beneficial to the perpetuation of our species from an evolutionary point of view.
This doesn't really help you though because you are an individual. You've just got to decide where you fit on the curve