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Home >> Love & Relationships >> men n kids?
01.04.2007, 09:25 quote
| loubylou wrote: |
| my toyboy dumped me because i got kids great huh? so now when you have children you immediately stop being as desirable and arent meant to be with anyone else rather r than their paternal father?raah i am so pee'd off right now!!! |
Sorry to hear That Louby, The same thing happened to me,he was 10 years younger, got on great with my kids and spent loads of time with them, then a couple of months later said he couldnt cope with being in a relationship where kids were involved.I knew it wasnt ever gonna go anywhere anyway, coz he was just too young, but it annoyed me that he used the kids as an exciuse coz he knew i had them before we went on our first date.
Toyboys are great for a bit of fun but if your looking for long term love then they are a waste of time.
Hope you feel better soon hun
01.04.2007, 09:26 quote
| stonecastle wrote: |
| Well I would still go out with a woman if she had kids if I fancied her. Why did the father of your kids leave you in the first place? |
omg
01.04.2007, 09:31 quote
| browolf wrote: |
| i lived with my ex ex for 5 years with her autistic child. that was hard work and got harder as he got older(age 4-9). what eventually broke us was her, wouldnt listen to reason, decision to remove him from school and teach him at home, which she was unable to do due to his temperament and her on off depression. Once you take them out its incredibly hard to get them back. I had to go to work so could only do stuff with him at weekends. the only time he got out during the week was when social services took him out. I tried to keep everything together for about a year but a relationship just can't take that kind of stress. They lived with me for about 6 months after we broke up cos she didnt have anywhere to go. it was kind of easier after that although the kid was going off the rails a bit by then. she went to live in cornwall with my best m8s brother. by then the kid was having rage episodes lasting hours a time, being physically violent etc, they had to call the police round once to hold him down, sounds crazy for a 10 yr old boy. fortunately the docs eventually got on some appropriate medicine and last time i saw him he seemed to be back to the nice kid i used to know. |
Hats off to you for staying in the relationship for so long and treating him like your own.
01.04.2007, 21:57 quote
i was with my kids mum for nealry 10years and when we meet she had a 2year old boy whom i have brought up as my own although his dad didnt wanna know anyway but we went on to have 2 great boys of our own. I loved her for who she was and the fact she was her own person not for the fact she had a kid. Each person is an idivuall yes they may be a parent but that does not define someone it is just part of there everyday life. I am a dad that is part of who i am and if a woman doesnt wanna know me coz of that fine but it is not the whole of me. I think when u have kids people dont see you for a single person they see you as so and so's mum or dad. I dont want to find a woman to replace my kids mother they have a mother and thats that yes they do need to get on in some respects but i am not looking for a replacement. well thats how i feel on the subject
03.04.2007, 14:53 quote
| KEVIN53846 wrote: |
| hi looby...well as long as you dont think that all men are like that then you will be fine..some men are just idiots if they are put of by kids..and if he cannot handle you with kids then...feck him. your best off without the pillock.. |
Bit harsh, I think. Getting involved with someone who's got kids is surely a big step - there's three people involved in the relationship. To act like someone should just shrug their shoulders and accept it is to refuse to acknowledge the extent of the responsibility you have not just to the woman/man you might be getting involved with, but also to the kid in the relationship. It's a big deal. If someone is asking questions of themselves about whether or not they're prepared for that responsibility, coming up with the answer 'no' and then taking action before things go too far, I don't think that tags them as a 'pillock'. You're not obliged to go out with someone because they've got children - the worst thing you could do is to keep the relationship going because you feel guilty, or out of some sense of misplaced affection. Especially, if you feel like the 'toyboy' in a relationship - that suggests something quite flip and casual, which you may find hard to reconcile with the seriousness of the relationship he feels a family dynamic requires.
It's tough when someone breaks it off with you for a reason you can't get your head round... but it's just... you know... it's something that obviously couldn't have worked. But, not all people are the same and the kind of thing that meant this guy wasn't compatible, might have a completely different effect on the next guy.
12.04.2007, 23:06 quote
| NathanBleak wrote: | ||
Bit harsh, I think. Getting involved with someone who's got kids is surely a big step - there's three people involved in the relationship. To act like someone should just shrug their shoulders and accept it is to refuse to acknowledge the extent of the responsibility you have not just to the woman/man you might be getting involved with, but also to the kid in the relationship. It's a big deal. If someone is asking questions of themselves about whether or not they're prepared for that responsibility, coming up with the answer 'no' and then taking action before things go too far, I don't think that tags them as a 'pillock'. You're not obliged to go out with someone because they've got children - the worst thing you could do is to keep the relationship going because you feel guilty, or out of some sense of misplaced affection. Especially, if you feel like the 'toyboy' in a relationship - that suggests something quite flip and casual, which you may find hard to reconcile with the seriousness of the relationship he feels a family dynamic requires. It's tough when someone breaks it off with you for a reason you can't get your head round... but it's just... you know... it's something that obviously couldn't have worked. But, not all people are the same and the kind of thing that meant this guy wasn't compatible, might have a completely different effect on the next guy. |
Totally agree with you there mate. In my situation there was an age gap of three years and we were compatible but because the kids were so young meant we had no time together alone. I still talk to her now and then and we agree that it was doomed not to work with me and her, but that didnt mean that with someone else this would happen too. Much as I wished it was me, it isnt and someone else will come along eventually and it will work then. Me being 21 and not really having much experience of parenthood was a major factor. Just because you have kids dosent make you undesireable-you should always get to know someone for their personality etc and not by their circumstances.
13.04.2007, 05:19 quote
Well i myself have 2 children who stay with me mostly.
But i find something sexy about a single mother, no idea why.
13.04.2007, 07:12 quote
| MessyMan wrote: |
| Well i myself have 2 children who stay with me mostly.
But i find something sexy about a single mother, no idea why. |
Some guys like the fact that some single mums are a little stronger, a little more confident and more sure of where they are going. The only thing is, this is often brought about BECAUSE we are single. Once you have to start taking another adult into consideration, this can change for some women.
Sounds a load of bollocks I know, but I'm only going by some of the single women i know.
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