Hello, I have a problem. I big problem and I think there's something wrong with me. Any comments would be awesome, I don't know what to do.

Three years ago I met my boyfriend, Josh, at college. Josh had a friend from his high school, Robby, who I started talking to as friends. Robby and I would talk about everything. He was also just starting college, but in NYC. He was smart, intelligent, clever, single, and totally cute (from what I saw in pictures). Robby and I became close. We talked about Josh a lot (the good and the bad), Robby's dating life, and just general feelings about life. Robby liked to flirt a little too, and I didn't flirt back, for Josh, but I didn't mind it. I was very emotionally attached to this guy, but, I stayed with Josh because Robby was too far away and long distant relationships never work for me. And Josh was my best friend.

The story goes on to me going to NYC not once, not twice but three times to see Robby, always making an excuse for some other reason to go there. (seeing another friend, internships, w/e). Robby was very sweet and we got along well in person. (We didn't "hook up" if you're wondering, I was very loyal to Josh.)

Around the 3rd time I went I was staying in NYC for 5 weeks. Robby saw me the first day I was there but cut off communication while I was there with no reason or closure.

Now, amost a year from the last time I spoke/saw him, I can't get him off my mind. Josh and I (going on 3 years) have gotten really close now that Robby is out of the picture. But I miss him, I miss our conversations, the way he made me feel, everything. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of him everyday.

So, how do I get him off my mind? I know I shouldn't be thinking about him, he really was a jerk to Josh but I can't stop. Help!

Most of us have had similar problems, with someone in our thoughts all the time. Makes it worse if they rebut you, sometimes you yearn more for something you cant have.

Just takes time, but most of the time you never forget. I have women in my mind going back 40 years, love that never happened for one reason or another.

Not nice but you just have to live with it until the yearning wains. Which it might do, but then he might not be the last.

Sorry, that's the only input I can give. Good luck.

Mind me being honest from my point of view? I just lurve givin' advice so you will forgive me if I'm too straight forward...

As far as I see it... A bla, a bla bla bla, a bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla...

If the relationship with Josh was so perfect in the first place, you never would've searched for something more, regardless of other things...

If it's so perfect now then why are you still thinkin' of Robster? Just because you can't have him?

You know what they say... That when you're crushing on someone you can't possibly have it will pass when you'll be crushing on someone else. That's as true as can be. And if you were crushin' on Josh there... It wouldn't be hard to forget Robster. You keep on saying that ye'r loyal and bla bla bla, but I just don't see the Josh thing.

However... If you really wanna stick with Josh, maybe you should try and search for the reasons you love him for and forget about other things.

And anyhow... It doesn't seem like you have a chance with Robbie right now as he ended it out of the blue.

Oh and one other thing... Sometimes in life we think we deserve more than what we get... And when we do so, instead of speaking it out, or cutting the thing, we search for it some place else and settle for what we get in the other thing. So if you think Josh should do some more of the things Robbie used to... Maybe you should tell him so. And if he can't possibly be what Robbie used to be... Then what do we have here? Robbie = Crush, Josh =?

You dig?
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Kind of seems to me that Robby really likes/liked you, but sees that he is never going to get to be with you as you are with Josh.

He wants to move on from you so he's cut you out of his life to make it easier on himself.

You miss him for the friendship you had, but may be you also miss him because his interest in you made you feel good about yourself? To have this person want you and you to not allow anything to happen gives you a great deal of control and you kind of miss that sense of control. When I was with my last boyfriend I always loved it when I knew someone liked me and got a bit of a kick out of the fact that they couldn't have me because I was taken.

This is just the angle I see it from.

Wow, you guys are great! Honest and/or sympathetic.

I think if I'm honest with myself, Josh is who I want and who I'm good with. We share the same values and interests. Robby was always way out of my league when it came to his interests. I would be happy sitting in the basement watching a movie (like Josh) or going on small road trips to see concerts but Robby is a city boy, does research in his field (for fun!) and goes off to foreign countries on his own. I mean, I am not, in anyway, a girl who could stimulate Robby's mind.

Although, at one time I did. When we first met it was exciting to talk to someone new, from a different school etc. And I would always compare him to the less than exciting Josh (who was more like me) and I wanted to be more like Robby. I was not honest with myself.

Maybe Robby saw it too, before I did. It wasn't that he didn't want to be friends, he just needed to cut me out, the girl who was with his HS buddy and meet girls who were a little more interesting (or just as interesting, but more available to fill a void I could not). Towards the end our conversations all started to sound the same (his dating life or me and Josh, that was it.) He thought he was better than Josh and would tell me so. He would poke at some insecurities I had about my relationship with Josh. He would tell me I could do better (i.e. him). And I believed him, but something told me to stay with Josh.

I'd like to believe, like choochi suggested, that he cut me out because he liked me too much. But what I honestly think is he cut me out because he gave up on me. I'm sure he's forgotten about me, he has so many other girls to talk to, people to be with. Why continue to pursue me when he knows Josh is lingering in the background? (Josh was never really fond of my relationship with Robby).

Sorry Bliss23 for more bla bla bla’s haha. But I had to get this out there, to someone who doesn’t know me and can give me an outsider’s opinion. It’s a lot easier to tell strangers your deepest secrets. Thanks everyone for listening! And again, advice is more than welcome!

Glad to be of service. If it feels right with Josh then its all dandy. You will always wonder what it could have been like with Robby, but as jeggae said he is a fond memory now.

Good luck with the furture