I was in a relationship with this guy and he was really sweet to me, he did things for me that no other guy has ever done and he was a good listener, a great friend and a "teachable" lover
The thing is though that although he was so sweet in those aspects he was also kinda shifty and immature and would lie about the most silly insignificant things. I realized that some days I'd fantasize about him falling down a flight of stairs and breaking at least two limbs, I won't want for him to die..(or do I ??)..but I just would've liked to see him seriously injured, even when he wasn't being shifty.
I have no idea why I was like this with him cuz I cared about him so much but if he told me he had a bad day or bad experience I'd be secretly delighted...I know I sound like a jekyll Hyde type of loon but I just couldn't understand why? How do you love someone but secretly hate them and wishing them ill-will at the same time?

lol, anyone else ever experienced this?

crazy people!!!

Look, I know it sounds strange and pretty crazy but it's how I felt and I posed the question to find out if anyone else has experienced this type of conflicting emotions and have any "real" ideas on why it might be so.
I already know it sounds crazy so you aren't telling me something I don't know.

It's not crazy.

It's just the way you feel manefesting in it's simplest form.

You want him to be hurt because that's how you felt when ever he was basicly, a dick.

It actually IS that simple.
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Did he or you have a PVC/rubber fetish...?