Hi all

This is my first post on this site and would be grateful for any advice you may have on getting out of the funk I seem to have fallen into.

Have recently separated (on good terms) from my girlfriend of 8 years as we both realised that we wanted different things. We were very much in love, but she wanted to travel, see more of the world and possibly emigrate, whereas I was ready to settle down here in the UK.

I'm not normally one to bare my soul, but I feel so incredibly lonely without her and have now just found out that she has started seeing somebody else - my heart feels like it's being crushed.

Am trying to keep up appearances socially and at work, but it's getting unbearable.

I don't know what to do now that the person I would turn to is no longer there.

Hey man, sorry to hear about that, I myself went through a similar situation a few months ago and I know it isn't easy.

The best thing I can say is allow yourself time to be sad, allow yourself time to "grieve" if thats the right word. A big part of your life is missing and trying to be all manly about it and bottling it wont help you at all. Once that bottle is ful lyou're going to have alot to vent and that could be detrimental to yourself.

If you two split on good terms, then hope for the best, wish her good luck and if she is happy, then you can maybe get a little solace out of that. Its a hard thing to do but when you get it right, you'll feel alot better.

Try not to think of it as something gone or missing, think of it as you have just "evolved" and have taken on a new form, ready to tackle life and whatever it may throw at you.

As far as her seeing another guy, that is the worst thing to go through. If you're on facebook or that sort of thing, take a break from it cause reading that sort of thing constantly or the temptation to check her profile or whatever would just cause you more harm.

At the end of the day, you need time to heal, time to reconnect with yourself, and time to let her go. Life goes on and it isn't afraid to leave you behind. Its up to you whether you keep up or not.

I wish you the best mate.

Hey the guy above has given you some good advice. So now think to yourself 'Life part 2 here I come!!' and see your future as an adventure.

Any loss will bring up difficult or painful feelings, but they're all part of the process of being able to 'release the past' so you have space for new things to enter your life.
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i know its easier said than done. you must tell urself that u are moving on wth ur life as life is full of adventure and things 2 explore, try going out more, meeting new people and try 2 put the past behind u. there are lots of beautifull ladies out there who are going 2 appreciate u 4 who u are. dont shut ur heart , open it up 2 new posibilities and never be afraid of giving ur heart 2 some1. as u have said she moved on try doing the samething and stop hiding, go out there with your head held high. be strong, move on,grieve, cry and heal and be ready 2 hunt again, remeber love is a risk its either u find the right gal or u dont but dont give up .. t hez alwayz some1 out there 4 evrybody waiting. its time 4 u 2 find yours

HEY DER, I FEEL UR PAIN. THOUGH IT MAY SEEM IMPOSSIBLE NOW, U WILL GET OVER THIS PERSON. IN DA MEANTIME U CAN RELY ON PEOPLE LIKE ME TO KEEP U GOING.

This is just sad.

If you need a pen pal feel free to write to me (or to us on here) about your trouble. We'll get you through it somehow. And, in the end, you'll surely be fine. These things just take time and sometimes the pain is indeed unbearable. But this too shall pass.

As cliche as it sounds, time heals all.

Hi everyone

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support - you have no idea how much it means.

It is so nice to know that there are people out there who are willing to offer help when it is needed.

I'm still finding it tough, but will heed your advice and try to get out and about a bit more. I can appreciate that I need to meet more people to move forward and on from the past.

Thanks again

Matt

Your 'ex' may well be on a 'rebound relationship'?

I cannot really speak for either of you but I believe it's best to take a 'time out' from all your thoughts and from entering into another relationship.

Chill, relax and get out with your mates. I am hoping that your mates aren't her mates also or you will have a few issues... Memories should be savoured not spoiled so remember the good times and look to the future. Your special someone is out there waiting on you and will arrive when you least expect it.

Head up, smile and chillax.

I went through this as well after my marriage ended and its very very hard, the worst part about it for me and what I really regret was losing touch with friends early on when I got married as my mates were out partying still when I got married so my social circle is quite small now, but do reach out to friends and get out in the world it will help you.

What people said already about not dwelling on her status and what she is up to etc is dead right as this just messes with your head and drives you crackers after a while.

Paracetamol, Prozac, psychiatric consultations, a trip to the pet shop, joining a local gun club, drinking 2 bottles of Vodka then driving into town on a late weekend night with a 'super-soaker' water pistol-cannon full of stagnant urine hanging out of the car window can sometimes help release the pain... in some people anyway, apparently... but i take my tips from George Michael so cant really advise...

I too can sort of relate to this and know how you feel. My seven year relationship came to a sudden end and I still very much loved him, plus everywhere i looked was a reminder in the home we had shared. There was so much to miss and move on from.
He too is now in a new relationship and has a baby with her.
It takes time, hurts like hell for a while, but i am a great believer in the `if you love someone, set them free, if they`re truly yours they will return.`
She may well be in a re-bound relationship, and it may be feeling all wrong, (I did this) and one day you may hear from her again. However, don`t sit by the phone waiting, because you might miss something better that comes along.
Good luck.

Here's a way of getting over it, straight from NLP: think of the 10 worst aspects of, or things your Ex ever did to you, ranging from bad breath, dropping you for selfish reasons, lying, arguing or whatever. Write them out. If there's more than 10, write them out too. Every time you feel wistful about this person and lovey-dovey, just focus on the list and replace all the longing and 'happy' memories COMPLETELY with the negatives. When a nice thought ever comes in, immediately block it, and replace it. You will then be over matters within 14 days and will get a person you merit.