Call me bitter and jaded but Im started to get really annoyed about dating. Last month I got to know someone at my work-things were going really well, we already knew each other quite well and we went out on a few dates and spoke a lot online. Was my usual warm, nice and gentlemanly self-romantic, thoughtful, witty and everything inbetween. All going really well and all of a sudden barriers came rushing up and we ended up in the friendzone.
So I moved on from that-hardly ever speaking to the previous girl; today at work we barely managed to say hello to each other (probably a good thing!)
And over the last week Ive been talking to another girl-again being being nice and all the usual. Asked to meet her a few days ago and she turned me down-telling me she was busy; fair enough. So we continued to talk and boom all of a sudden there is a wall of silence! Tonight when I came online-all of a sudden she went offline!
I dont know whats going on here-Im not a hump-em-and-dump-em kind of guy; its just not me. Its really starting to piss me off that girls are saying where are the true gentleman when Im stuggling to keep one girl interested in me long enough to make a relationship.
Ive tried the nice gentleman route and its got me nowwhere whatsover-you end up being put into the friendzone or discared because your considered unexciting (because your trying to be a gentleman or to try and be a nice guy!) . Maybe the nice guy is not in fashion anymore.

Hey Coasty, don't be getting jaded m8. When you meet someone new, it's very easy to build up expectations. Don't do it! That's just the express route to inner pain!

Just for the record. I'm not a gentleman! When I find someone I really like, I don't have a strong complusion to
• hold doors open
• make polite conversation
• pay for dinner/buy drinks
• dish out compliments

In fact, I think that all that sort of behaviour is nothing short of manipulative. Doing any one of those sort of things has the same underlying meaning as directly propositioning somebody, but it's just a wussy way of saying it. Screw being a nice guy! We have a little over half a million hours in this life, and I'd much rather spend it being direct with the people I want to spend time with!

Nice guys 8: Cavemen 1 (the comeback is on!)

I think deep down all women want a bit of a gentleman and a bit of a caveman! I know i do.

We all like to be wined and dined and spoilt rotten. We all like not to have to get our purses out when stood at the bar and if we do for the man to say "no, no i've got it".

But we also like to feel sexy and to be made to feel sexy and i think it takes a caveman to do this. Yes the massages, etc are lovely, but when you're in bed together you want love just as much as he does.

So in my opinion we all need a guy who has got a bit of both in him.

That must be where I’ve been going wrong, I more caveman than gentleman :- )

But seriously, I read through some of criteria for being a ‘gentleman’ and have to giggle. Some ideas are just so old-fashioned!! Getting your wallet out??!? – what happened to equality? But then I’m quite blunt, I’ve been known to say something like “You get your purse out you tight git, you got paid this week”. The other side to the coin is that if someone travelled to see me, they have had the expense of travelling, and I would obviously pay for everything whilst she was here – and vice versa - it’s an unwritten law described in more detail in Darkhorse’s Manual of Long Distance Dating (obviously there are exceptions, outlined in chapter 4, which basically include things like personal circumstances).

Other ‘gentlemanly’ acts mentioned in this thread, such as opening doors, come as second nature to me, and I don’t regard them as a sign of being a gentleman, just a natural reaction. Having said that, I have noticed that the longer a woman has been single, the more independent she is, and will often just barge ahead and open the door for herself – it takes extraordinary speed and agility to get there first and hold the door open! On a vaguely related note, if I was a woman, I would be looking for things like how the guy you are with treats the people around him, like waiters, shop assistants, etc, not to mention how often he says ‘please’ and ‘thank you’. These are not really signs of being a gentleman, but are perhaps of more value in the long term than how often he gets his wallet out at the bar (well, unless he NEVER gets his wallet out, in which case a quick ‘it’s your round, I’m having my usual’ works quite well)

Signs of being a modern 'gentleman' include being able to talk, knowing when to keep quiet, being able to listen, open to discussion, recognising when to give your significant other personal space (even when only together for a weekend, for example), making more of an effort than you would for your mates.....my list is quite exhaustive.

Caveman? I have been told (quite recently) that I am very gentle, attentive and considerate (and no, I’m not going to say who said that) - but I do a very good caveman impression when the situation calls for it – anyone remember my alter ego’s user name here lol? (BamBamFlintstone)

Can i have a copy of your book please darkhorse? I think i need it!!!

I agree with coasty. It gets increasingly difficult to understand what girls actually want. They say they prefer the gentleman types, but actually get turned on by those who treat them roughly.
Sadly I am more your gentleman of the species and actually will more often get passed over as a "boring old fart"! I really can't change and start to treat them rough. It's just not in my nature.
I am a volunteer with a well known suicide prevention helpline and have a constant stream of females ringing who have been beaten up by one partner after another. They never seem to get the message. The rules say I can't give them advice!

C'est la vie.