if he is being a shit saying hurtful things and you are getting your rocks off elsewhere and you both are posting on forums asking for advice, I think you both know what the answer is!!!

I don't think you are a horrible person and, since you both love each other, there is hope for your relationship. You need to explain to your boyfriend that (1) him saying that he didn't find you attractive left you feeling insecure and emotionally fragile. Does he realise that?? Does he know how damaging his words and care-less attitude were to you and your relationship??. Does he know that you struggle sometimes with self esteem?? He needs to know. This mess all started at that point. (2) You are not a cheat at heart. You behaved out of character -- you were upset, drunk and someone came along and gave you a lot of attention and compliments you craved. Cheats don't "do the deed" and then immediately tell their boyfriends/partners what they've done. Give yourself some credit!! Doesn't he see how devastated you are?
My advice is to talk to each other, DON'T leave things unsaid or let misunderstandings carry on. I know you want this relationship to work. If he loves you, he needs to explain to you why he said he didn't find you attractive. Maybe he said that in a stupid moment. You need to really understand him and he needs to understand you more. He's probably feeling foolish and confused himself right now. Both of you need to apologise. He's not perfect and he needs to see his faults too. You need to get over your guilt. And forget this 3-in-a-bed idea -- that's not going to clear the air. Talk and talk, and then if you still haven't "found" each other again, let it go. BUT, have a positive outlook on this. Remember, he hasn't ended the relationship -- there's something about you he must like!!!
Good luck!

Nurofen are just anti inflammatories anyway. So lucky for you that they are well tolerated by the body and overdose is rare. But I bet you had a massive belly ache. Dont do it again!!!

The first part of this is worrying me it seems a bit strange for any bloke to just say hurtful thing (I mean most bloke realise that at an early age well at least in reference to females)
One of my main concerns is that enforcing a negative self image is a consistent characterization of an abusive relationship
If he did not find you attractive then his action would normal be to end the relationship? His actions were sorry love you don’t do it for me seems more orchestrated,
I would ask how he feels toward you friends and family if he’s say making excuse to never visit with you or attempting to keep you separated from your support structure (i.e. friends and family) you should run real fast
As for the B/j and kiss I would expect that was more a result of your subconscious mind trying to reaffirm that you’re still attractive, you have to have self worth in a relationship. this does not mean you action are to be forgiven just that you’re a lot stronger then you give yourself credit for and should not put yourself in this situation

you should never have told him about the blow job, god i cant even type blow job without going weak at the knees!

You sound very young, and no offence, but stop clasping at what seems like nothing. If you keep doing it, it will just bring you down and down, until you have no self confidence, or esteem.

One person isn't the be all and end all of a situation, and if i am brutally honest you seem to be refusing to accept that the relationship is over, almost bunny boiler esq.

Get rid of your emotional baggage and get out and enjoy life, it is the only way you will get your life back on track and be able to do what you want.