sorry in advance for lenghty thread....

a good while back, my boyfriend of a few years told me he didn't find me attractive any more. although it hurt, ididn't break up with him, because i love him way too much.

About a week after thst, i kissed another guy. it lasted about 10seconds, i pushed him off and told him i have a boyfriend. i straight away told my fella bacuse i felt so bad. he was totally cool with it, said how happy he was that someone could make me feel pretty and stuff. i spent the next few days apologising, and crying, and stuff.he wasn't even upset...

so that was ok and whatever.

8 days later, what do i do?? i cheat again. was at house party, more drunk than ever ever been. (not usung as an excuse)

this fella spent the night talking to me. telling me i was gorgeous. i loved all the complements, so i stayed talking all night. had NO intention of cheasting. anyway - i found myself being lead into a bathroom and i blew him.

this is totally out of character for me. im in no way a slut. my boyfriend was first for everything. so it really shocking i'd let myself even get into the situation.

i told him straight away. (by text because i wouldn of seen him that way, and i had to tell him)

thinngs were bad, goes without saying. we ended up being on a break, then broke up for a week. got back toghether.

now, in person, everything is perfect. over text and whatevr, it really killing him. we could have an amazing day, and then its ruined. now, things getting worse and we are really close to breaking up again.

he had thought him doing similar with another girl may help. he had/has my full support to do whatever he thinks will help us. had chance last week, but couldn do it. i suggested threesome with another female. he thinks could work, just it very unlikely.

im looking for advive. i want to prove how deeply sorry i am, but i dunno how. any suggestions???
the week without him was unbearable. did stupid things too - took 13 neurofen. did nothing but made me very sick. he is my world. i really dont get how i could do this to him

wait now, why are u beating yourself over this you shouldnt feel sorry for you ex,your fella said he didnt find you attractive anymore so why is he still with you, your better off without him, its hard it may take a long time to get over him but in the long run it will be the best thing u did, and ull be wondering what the fuss was bout, you dont need that crap hun
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u took 13 neurofen? meaning over dose?
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but like... just because he didnt find me attractive doesnt mean i should blow a stranger.

i argued the point that i allowed myself get into the situation because this other guy wanted me based on attraction. (and for someone with serious self esttm issues, it was nic...)

he didnt accept it as any form of an exuse. didnt even accept how drunk i was. (4 litres vodke, wan drunnk after half a litre)

i need this guy.... i wont be happy without him

but if he made u feel ugly it sounds like u was unhappy with him, and about blowing the stranger u said u was drunk so he was takig advantage. but dont listen to me im only ikkle
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well im already confused so im just gono say if u regret doing wat u did ur not a horrible person
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the other guy was sober.

i know it doesnt seem like it will last. but i so desperatly want it to

but does he still love you?
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he says he loves me so much, that why he cant bring himself to break up with me. he also knows i love him, and belives that just because i cheated doent mean i love him any less then i ever have.....

hav u tired maybe like going on a small holiday with him? like to forgive and forget. but im stupid so i dont know wat this would do
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no, you're not stupid at all.


i suggested a break to wexford or somewhere nice but he said it wouldn be good for us??? im grasping at straws here. i need him in my life, i love him so much. i still cant believe i could cheat. he even mentioned how he always thought if one of us was to cheat, it'd be him

surely it would be good for both of u cus if ur both away from anything u may remember it would be almost like starting again?
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yeah that what i thought.... he started a thread on another website talking bout what happened, asking for advice.

EVERYONE said to dump me