And the bad thing is its from a situation i wasnt even originally involved in. What happened was I really liked this girl, But we only met in the first place because she was seeing my friend.

Any way as he was seeing her we would all go out and so as time went by i got to know her and really stared to like her. Pretty soon my friend realised he didnt like her like that (but he kept her around for convienience).

so anyway as me and he are best friends we talk alot and over drinks etc he would say things like "i dont even want to be seen in public with her" etc but still have he at his place when he wanted some.....

Now i on the inside really liked this girl but I could nt say anything because my friend was seeing her (despite not liking her really an me liking her really).

Pretty soon he tells her blunt that he's seeing someone else and this cant go on, 2 weeks later he's kissing her in the street (again despite not liking her) so for her this is confusing and taking the piss if you ask me on top of all the stuff that she doesnt even know about.

There were signals for example, we were holding hands at carnival, the night before she was inviting me back to hers at 5 am after having deep conversation and looking into eachothers eye and all that stuff, we all (a whole large group of us) were going on holiday and she said i could stay with her, so there were signs, so i had to tell my friend about the situation.

SO any way soon after i tell him that i quite like her and he's cool with it. so i wait a good while and i tell her. At first her reaction was what i expected it was " well i dont know u 2 well and its a bit close to home (she was seeing my friend)" and it brings up stuff she would rather forget. Now i reacted to that in what i thought was the coolest nicest way and said that i thought it may be the way she described and that whatever happens she got some1 who cares about any way and not even in a selfish way. and i left it at that and i felt cool because i got a weight off my chest and thought even if she dont like me like that at least she knows how i feel.

the next day i get a message from her saying " i cant believe you call him ur friend how dare you talk to me about him please never contact me again"

Now the thing is if i told her how i felt without telling him how i felt i could understand that reaction (so obviously she didnt know he knew and he said not to tell her he knew so as not to look bad) but then on the other hand if i told her he knew then it might have looked like we wa playing pass the parcel which is not the truth.

Now the thing is she thinks i am a jackass for this when really i did nothing wrong and really i do/did quite like her.

what i dont get is my friend took the flaming piss and thats ok, but i genuinly like the girl and get this,, why?

I just wanna be cool with her and for her to really understand my viewpoint.

but what should do?

you cant really choose who you like mate.. but sometimes you just have to swallow the pill and ignore the feelings you have for her. If you cant do that..then i suggest you go around and see her and tell her, something like this -

"I have some things i gotta say to you, you might not want to hear 'em but i need to say em. You get treated like shit daily and weekly and i have to sit back and watch it, you deserve better than that and i'd treat you better than that. I know that you like me (even if she dont bro) because of the signals you were giving me" then from there on, you have to add your own feelings.

To be honest though mate, if your best mate treats her like that and she keeps coming back for it.. if you play the nice guy card on her, she'll just treat you like her gay friend and nothing else. She obviously likes the assholes, so..swallow the pill. It's hard, but shit happens ay?

good luck

I can only agree with gj458. You've said what you needed to say and it's really up to her. Unless she chooses to get out of the rut, there's nothing more you can do. It's hard to watch someone you like get treated like that but it's life and sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and move on.

I've been there so many times myself that I've lost count. No good trying to talk her around, she has to see it for herself and if she's besotted by this guy, that's going to be difficult for her to do. People in love tend not to see or recognise the bad things their loved ones do and often go back time and time again, only to be treated the same way.

On a side note, I'd re-evaluate who you keep as friends too, you can very well get branded with the same iron by other girls who know his reputation which could make it difficult for you to find someone else. Finding the right partner is not the easiest task so you don't want another negative aspect blocking your progress.

the thing is getting rid of him would take a big piece out from my life, he's a good friend to me generally but he gets different when there's armpit to be had.
And the girl never wants to speak to me again despite my being truthful and honest and despite his dishonesty still tolerates him.
Now for me getting girls is relativly easy, i approached 2 today just to remind myself i could, but i never seem to get the ones that matter. like this 1

what do you guys think of this letter im about to send her?

A bit of truth
You know I wish I coulda explain further about certain things I said in my last letter but obviously it got long and u aint talkin to me nomore.

Any way since today’s my birthday ill deal in the truth marry consequences.

What kind of friend am I to him (and all my friends actually)?

A real friend not a “yes” friend who blindly agrees with everything nor am I afraid to chastise my friend when I see something fucked up even when I cant benefit either way.

You say you told him what I said?
That’s funny for 2 reasons 1stly I beat you to the punch, I told him how I felt about 2 days after carnival. 2ndly I was there when you called and heard the talk.

What kind of girl I does take you for?

Honestly? Worth more than anything tangible I said “one mans trash is another mans treasure” because you know why? To me (and Im sure any other man who got sense in his head/heart, ask the guy you’re seeing if this is true and I bet he’ll agree with me on this) u worth more than an oasis in the dessert, a diamond among rocks, a jade stone among green glass, I could go on but it’d get very long. Yet I watched you get treated like trash again and again, even if there was nothing for me to gain from it. but i get the feeling that you think i was thinkin" oh my friend had some so it will be easy". which is astronomically far from the truth, so really i should ask "what kind of guy u think i am?"

And u know what for u to say “how I chat to you about nethin 2 do with him?” welllllll how would you have handled it if you was in my shoes? How should I have handled it? You think this ever happened before?

But you know u did give off funny signals the holding hands in carnival (which I secretly wanted to do more of), the inviting me back to yours on several occasions, the offering to put me up in Croatia (you must a known I would know a whole set of people there). Normally I woulda thunk nothing of it but because you had me beat my vision was blurry.

The only thing about this is whole mess that bother me is apart from touching a sensitive situation, I never not did nothing wrong, yet im the 1 who gets In shit.

This may sound dickish, or may be far from the point.

Your letter would be good to write to an intellectual, but judging from the quote of her you might need to dumb your words down a little bit so she can understand.

The saying be the bigger man and walk away isn't exactly true..because it takes an even bigger man to lay his shit down on the table and face the consquences.

You do need to send her the letter, i'll agree. It says everything that you need to get off your chest, if anything you've laid your cards on the table its her turn to check, fold or raise.

But make sure you don't ruin your friendship with the guy, he might have said it was fine..but whether i like a girl or not, if she's mine and my best friend is trying to get to her.. it'd piss me off and put a block between my friendship. There's moral loyalty involved.

Actually, come to think of it, a guy i'd known for 12 years tried to do the same thing with one of my ex's.. we're not as close anymore.

Choose wisely young padawan.

Bad... very bad.

a) Looking for sympathy.
b) Still hitting on her too hard.
c) Pushing the blame onto her for being mad at you.
d) Running down your friend for the way he treats her.
e) Mocking her ("I beat you to it")

Apologise for misreading the signs, don't ask for sympathy. Mention that you enjoyed holding hands with her but don't push it. Admit that, in hindsight, you should probably have been less forward.

Ease up, this is an apology to get back on talking terms for now, not another attempt to win her over.

Don't ever run your friend down for his actions if she's still hooked on him, it will put her back up and could make her feel that you will step on others, even friends and possibly even her, to get your way.

Mention that you had already spoken to your friend about it before you approached her and he was cool with it. Leave it at that. If you send a letter with what you suggest on that subject, it will kill any chance you ever had. It's verbally thumbing your nose at her.

Try easing up on the bad language too, it makes you sound angry.

These are only suggestions I might add. First priority is to get back on talking terms then take it slowly from there.

you know, both of you are right so what i did was i edited the letter before i sent it but in any case i wont get a reply and she never wants to speak to me nomore.

The thing is it bothers me and i cant lie, like i said i can always get girls but it seems never when it matters, the only bad things i can say about this girl is that the way she handled it was childish, and that she is childish, naive and hard ears but then she is a bit young.

does life ever stop being ironically cruel? between me and my friend we know the real truth about the whole thing (that basically literally as soon as he love her he lost interest..... his own words. which happens with surprising regularity), she is the only 1 confused, she is the only 1 who doesnt know that he only kept her for convienience till he found another (and only told her because she threw her self on him in a club in front of everyone)and I was there when he met this other.

And you know whats bad? i was happy just for her to be happy, she dont me like that? cool just as long as we cool, but i open my heart for this? i dont deserve this surely.

And its not like there was some relation ship they were just seeing eachother (well she was seeing him and for him it was convienient)