Posts: 130787 Topics: 9284 LOGIN

Home >> Love & Relationships >> CAN YOU BE FRIENDS WITH AN EX??

26.08.2008, 22:58 quote

rocketgirl

drmeee wrote:
they can be friends....but trust me u dont wanted to be...NO.
get over it


I will assume - and hope - you are talking for yourself?

Personally, as others have pointed out, it depends on why we broke up, and the level of the relationship at break-up point.
I am still friends with my husband, we split up 13 yrs ago. We have 2 kids, so a common bond one would say, and to be honest he is probably my best friend, honestly. He's a great guy, the marriage failed for reasons beyond our control.
The other 2 guys I've ever had a 'serious' relationship with - the first hit me around, so I had no interest in pursuing a friendship - the other one spent all my money, got me into debt then dumped me to marry someone else so I had no interest in a friendship there either.

 

08.09.2008, 15:37 quote

lillybet

Like other people have said it depends on the situation.
Ive stayed friends with my most recent ex, we enjoy a lot of the same stuff and as we just drifted apart so there wasn't any break-up nastiness.

 

13.09.2008, 13:16 quote

rocketgirl

agonal wrote:
Nope as everytime I see her, hear her etc - it ruins me all over again. Therefore, nope I can't. She swims through my veins like a fish in the sea.


You're not actually here to meet anyone new then? Cuz if you are, you prolly ought to wait til you are over her.

 

13.09.2008, 13:26 quote

rocketgirl

agonal wrote:
I will meet someone new when I am good and ready. I'm here for a bit of fun, a laugh and to meet new people. If I stumble along someone I happen to have a connection with then, watch this space, until then I am in no hurry. I for one can look upon the ex with fondness and will continue to until someone else makes me think more about them. That is all.


Attaboy, that's the spirit!
Just the right attitude to make it work too!

 

13.09.2008, 13:38 quote

rocketgirl

I was thinking "why not *always* think of the ex with fondness"?
I understand not wishing to put one's self in emotional harm's way by not staying 'friends', but it seems to me over the years alot of the time it's not *you* who can't get over your ex, it's all the new partners you meet who can't get over your ex.
Over the years, having been split up with my hubby for nearly 13 years now, the amount of times someone - a date I mean - gets all uppety and upset over us being friends, its amazing.
Its like when you meet a widow/er. The love they had for the deceased partner didnt stop, but some people will not accept that, even though they are not actually 'second best', its more a choice of 'today's best'.
Like you said though, the new person has to become more important in your heart for it to work in the long run.
Its the rebound that buggers things up.

 

22.09.2008, 13:28 quote

kizz

I have a brilliant ex-husband who I get on better with now, than I ever did. We actually went to Cyprus for a holiday at Christmas (separate beds). My son had the best time and appreciates the fact that we are great mates.

As for general ex's....yeah I like to stay friends but if they don't, no problems

 

23.09.2008, 19:25 quote

rocketgirl

moose666 wrote:
funkychick1 wrote:
if any of my future boyfriends have an issue with me having male friends, then it's there problem .......


There is a difference between having male friends, and having an ex hanging around who is on a mission to win you back, though.


Having an ex hang around until you get a new boyfriend then ditch him is *using* him. Pure and simple.
Sure Heidi, you enjoy his company but whichever way I look at this, if you have already decided to give him the elbow when you meet someone else...sorry to be so blunt but I am glad I aint one of your so-called 'friends' if that's how you treat them!

 

24.09.2008, 13:50 quote

rocketgirl

If i got with someone then he would have to back off and he fully knows this.

Yep. Still reads the same to me.

But Heidi, why the steam? Who gives a flying fiddle what I think? You dont have to explain yourself to me, or anyone. You are who you are, maybe you and me have different ideas about this topic, but so what? That's what life's all about.
Razz

 

09.11.2008, 14:23 quote

rocketgirl

liala57 wrote:
Yeah I think its possible, only if you both have forgiven and forgotten the past.Though, I must say that it hurts like hell if you are still single and he or she has met someone.


So what you are saying is that you cannot forgive and forget the past unless you both - or at least *you* - are with someone new?

 

09.11.2008, 18:54 quote

rocketgirl

Sorry to disagree with you Harvey. But when you say "YOU" cant be friends with an ex, you mean "I" as in "I Harvey" cant be friends with my latest ex.

I CAN AND I AM friends with an ex, he's really one of if not The my best friend, in all honesty.
So it can be done.
Sometimes.

 

09.11.2008, 19:07 quote

rocketgirl

Yeah its funny that word love isnt it?
I do love my ex very much. Just dont want him to be my hubby anymore and there is no doubt he would say the same about me being his wife! But i know he loves me too. The kind of love I am talking about is obviously not the kind you would expect to find on flirtbox! Laughing

 

16.01.2009, 18:26 quote

rocketgirl

kingkongx wrote:
Its easy to answer yes or no and the answer is always no in my case. I can't handle it when they inevitably find someone else!


Forgive me my pedanticness (and is that even a word?) but this makes no sense whatsoever.

What do you mean by this? Is your ego so big that you cannot accept when 'they' prefer someone else to you?
You yourself obviously find someone else you prefer to 'them' as you dont say "she" (or "he") else there would only be one ex, not be "they".Unless of course 'they' was meant like the royal 'we' and you have only ever had one partner and cannot and will not move on from that?
So, You are in a relationship, it doesnt work out, you yourself meet someone new, but you cant handle it when the ex meets someone new, hence you cant stay friends, but you are not so smitten and hooked on the ex that it stopped you from meeting someone new yourself.....nope, no matter how I view this it seems to me its your ego that cant handle it.
Razz
If I am wrong, please tell me what you cant handle?
Its like HArvey, he puzzled me too, he said he was still madly in love with his ex, and yet he found it easy enough to launch himself into a new situation (meeting her parents and all and talks of walking down the street pinching a girl's bum, good grief if I was madly in love with someone whether with them or not I could not throw my affections at someone else, thats just a foolish pretence.

 
 
Jump to:

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum