You kind of answered your own question, by saying you couldn't bear the thought of someone loving you and then something happening.

However I know a few people who are in army relationships and yes it complicated but they make it work

So, you leave the army. You get a safe desk job 9-5 down your road. Meet a nice girl, get married blablah. Six months later you get hit by a bus. End of.
What's the difference? Ok maybe the risks in the army are greater, but you knew that when you joined up.
Any one who meets you now will know the risks from day one. Instead of you not bearing someone to love you, then something happens out there, hows abouts you letting them decide for themselves if you are worth it?