A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits the bartender comes over, and asks for their order.
The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?"
"I'll have a beer, too" says the ostrich.
The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for payment.
The next day, the man, and the ostrich come again, and the man says I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again." The usual?" asks the bartender.
"Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man.
"Same for me" says the ostrich.
"That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar.
The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!
"That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man replies "My second wish was for a chick with long legs."


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- Lisa

Only The Best Funny Jokes:
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Pity you gave away the punchline in the title of a joke, though it reminds me of one I heard at school many years ago.


A man walked into a pub with a multi-coloured parrot perched upon his shoulder and a midget walking just behind him. No sooner had they entered than the midget jumped onto one of the tables and proceeded to urinate into a customer's drink.

"I'm sorry about that", the man said, "Let me purchase your drinks for the remainder of the evening." With that he pulled a fat wedge of banknotes from his pocket, easily worth a thousand pounds, and placed them upon the table to the astonishment of those watching.

He then approached the bar and as he did so the midget picked up a chair and threw it at a mirror on the wall, completely shattering it. "I must apologise for my friend," said the man, "Here's some money to pay for the damage". He then took a much larger stack of banknotes from his pocket, and handed them over to the barman before ordering two beers and a packet of nuts for the parrot.

"Forgive me for asking sir," said the barman, "but why do you hang around with that midget if he's this much trouble?"

"Well a genie in a lamp gave me three wishes," the man replied, "and after much consideration I asked for an endless supply of money, a fancy bird and a twelve inch penis."