Why it would be good to be a man...


NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah .
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.


And one for the ladies...why it isn't good to be a man !

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?
So men can understand them.

What is the difference between government bonds and men?
Government bonds mature.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
Put the remote control between his toes

What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
E.T. phoned home.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
We cook; they eat. We clean; they dirty. We iron; they wrinkle.

How do men exercise at the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
A hot dog and a six-pack.

How are men like noodles?
They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions.

And best of all........
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
No one knows, it's never happened
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class
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