How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.

How do you make a hot dog stand?
Steal its chair.

How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.

How does a pig go to hospital?
In a hambulance.

What can you hold without ever touching it?
A conversation.

What did one elevator say to the other?
I think I'm coming down with something!

What did one magnet say to the other?
I find you very attractive.

What did the necktie say to the hat?
You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.

What did the rug say to the floor?
Don't move, I've got you covered.

What do you call a calf after it's six months old?
Seven months old.

What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?
Dead.

Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
She couldn't control her pupils.

What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer!

What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?
A piano.

What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.

What is a tree's favorite drink?
Root beer.

What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?
Sleep somewhere else.

What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?
A dead centipede.

What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?
The Presidential Seal.

What's round and bad-tempered?
A vicious circle.

Why did the doughnut shop close?
The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!

(sorry)
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"There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you'll ever be. Then you accept it... or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking into mirrors."
- Londo Mollari, Babylon 5